Moving areas – any advice?

[iliketea]

Has anyone moved town and area successfuly with primary aged kids a number of years after separating? The main reason for mental health and for being able to move on without history and baggage. I realised when I got back this summer that I straight away felt like I was someone who had experienced domestic abuse. Almost like people were staring at me (they weren’t) but that I skulk about here, looking out for all the school mums who now just ignore me at the school gates and don’t even bother trying to be friendly anymore. I haven’t had the best experience post separation with “friends” and aquaintances. I didn’t really know them very well anyway, as I’ve only lived here a short time, and all of that with very young kids and with covid too, I think it was just easier for them to avoid me, it was just all a bit too much for all the m/c mums…

This summer when we got away more and for longer I realised that I completely forgot about what has happened, and I was back to my old self, happy positive, talking to complete strangers, open and not weighed down the whole time with memories and triggers of the DA..I was making plans, able to see a future. I realise part of this is just general holiday-feeling but it is also the association of this place as it only has memories of him, I didn’t have much time here before I met him. Even though I feel generally fine, and have had lots of therapy etc etc, its impossible not to have constant triggers from the place we live and everywhere we go. I suppose I’m wondering if this would be a good move, or is it just running away. Has anyone succesfully started again in a new place and has it helped with moving on. As said I have no ties to this place, I’m not from here, and don’t have family here. Likewise I don’t have anywhere that I’m particularly closer too in terms of having lots of friends and family as everyone is spread around these days, so it would be depend on jobs, and I suppose proximity to ex for kids. Just feel like a change might give us a boost, but then again the one downside is the kids and not uprooting them from their friends and familiarity with a place they call home, even if I don’t.

[Mellow]

Hi love not sure what others feel but I think it’s a great idea I’ve regularly thought the same but only thing stopping me is the kids love there school and I had the opportunity to be given a council house which I don’t feel like giving up as rent is miles cheaper I don’t want to end up worse of I also managed to get a job where I am which could be transferred if I left but is convenient for the moment.not sure how old your kids are but young kids are none the wiser when my kids were younger I did up and leave and it was the best decision unfortunately I got into another abusive relationship not long after .with my ex living here I’m constantly avoiding going places worrying he will be there and we have past him a few times in the car but I don’t care about that cause I’m laughing as he walks everywhere.know I shouldn’t but that makes the heartache a bit better.before you go you might want to research on the area you are planning to go and research local schools one thing I wasn’t good at lol.but this one is important and put there name down for September.hopefully you can also transfer your job.wishing you best of luck ..also I will add if you have a court order you may have to change it im not sure but if it was me I’d just go and let him take me to court about it and let him continue to see kids as they always want to reign you back in

[Lifebegins]

Hi iliketea,

No experience of this I’m afraid in terms of moving after leaving abusive relationship although definitely something I’ve thought about as living in same place does have its triggers.

However I did make a move to where I’m living now (pre leaving) and it’s the best thing I’ve done. I love where I live although I’m not near family and my child loves it too and is settled. They did have to change schools which did present some difficulties but they soon got over it and made new friends.

It could be a new start for you, new area, new job, friends etc. I’d suggest you weigh up the pros and cons and see what you think. It’s also great fun thinking about and planning where you’d like to go, your new house etc.

Glad to hear you’re feeling and doing so well ❤️❤️❤️Xx

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Iliketea

Lovely to hear that you’ve had such a good summer that its given you this new perspective, and if you feel like being there is dragging to back to it, so much so that you feel completely different and in such a negative way then, as you have no ties to the area, and it would give you the chance to feel so much better all the time, seems like an obvious next step.

If you are a happy mum, your life will be transformed, and happy mums make for happy children. If you are happy and no longer suffering the triggers of that horrible history linked to the area, you will manage the children’s new lives, and new schools all the better, and they will feel the change in you around the home, and everywhere. Sometimes a new start is absolutely what’s needed.

You decide, your life, do what you need to make it a good one.

warmest wishes

ts

[StrongLife]

I moved areas twice. The area I am in is unknown to me. I find you have to get new services ie Drs and shops etc. I chose areas I did not know for safety and not corresponding to my past.

I have never returned to old area.

[StrongLife]

I moved areas twice. The area I am in is unknown to me. I find you have to get new services ie Drs and shops etc. I chose areas I did not know for safety and not corresponding to my past.

I also told no one where I was going from each area ie neighbours etc just in case.

I have never returned to old area.

[Author]

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