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Going to try really hard not to give too much away but still get the relevant info out… here goes!
Perpetrator is hopefully going to prison, we have a child who he hasn’t had contact with yet (not without him trying)… I also have other children with someone else who I share 50/50 custody with.
I desperately want/need a fresh start especially so that it’s harder for him to track us down after he’s released as I know he’ll want to get back at me by pushing for contact with our child again. If I go with my youngest child, I would be leaving behind my other children as I wouldn’t want to take them from their dad and schools etc when they’ve already had so much upheaval the past couple of years. They are finally happy and content. I would still have 50/50 custody with all school holidays and every other weekend but wouldn’t be able to do week by week shared custody because of school.
I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place…. move for myself and my youngest child to be safe from my ex when he’s released but what would that do to my other children and would I be able to cope not having that week by week involvement with them. There’s a chance they would choose to come as by the time I do go they will be old enough but then I don’t really want to put them in that position and their dad would be devastated (he’s a good dad)
It’s a conundrum and would appreciate any thoughts from women who understand the predicament I’m facing. Thank you
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I understand your fear. I felt the same but I decided to stay and fight. I build a great support network from friends and family to police and women’s aid. I read and studied and found out about the the legal system and got a civil interdict. I knew that if I tried to run and hide it would destroy my mental health and I would always be looking over my shoulder. You won’t always feel this afraid and with counselling and time I rebuilt my self into Mark2. I dare him to come near me now. So, I guess I’m saying give it time, work on yourself but I wouldn’t walk away from my other children. If you have any kind of support and stability where you are then build on it. Do not make any life changing decisions while you’re still traumatised by his behaviour. Reach out for help. This is just my story, it’s entirely upto you to make the decision but I feel you may regret it later on x if you need extra time to yourself then ask their dad if he can keep them for longer until you can get help and recover x
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Discuss this with a lawyer see where you stand with contact. I’m sure given he’s been in prison he would get supervised contact at a push (in a contact centre) my bet would be letters and cards. You will be able to get your evidence from the police and your gp can help you. I’d stay too and fight because you will have a strong case xx you can certainly keep him away from you. I’m presuming he is in jail for violence? Xx
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