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Anyone made it through and has a new, positive relationship?
In need of some motivation and inspiration since at this point I really don’t think I will ever trust anyone enough to something like live together ever again and the thought of buying home with someone before all this already gave me a funny feeling! -
Hi Happybelle,
I escaped afew years ago and came on to post something in positive moments, so hope this helps 🙂
The first year particularly was very difficult. I left my home, pets, job, everything. Physically, mentally and emotionally I was a shell of myself by the time I left. I didn’t recognise myself in the mirror at times.
I read everything I could about abuse and recovery. Reached out to my local DA service, who were exceptional. Went to group and individual counselling and worked through a huge amount of pain. There were weeks and months at a time when I felt I’d never recover or be happy again, that the wounds of the past would never leave me, and would always feel raw.
But bit by bit I healed.
I now have a new home, new pets and a large social circle of friends, old and new. I have a good job and my money is my own to do what I want with. I have loads of energy, but most importantly I am at peace. In my home, and in my mind. I sleep like a baby and can calm myself when things get stressful. I’m a far more empathetic person than I was before my relationship, by I’ve learned boundaries. I’m only responsible for my own emotions.
And in this happy, settled space I have met someone lovely. We are taking things very slowly as despite all the time I took in healing, being in a relationship again, or even the thoughts and emotional upheaval of it initially, brought up alot of buried pieces I needed to work through. My space and independence are too hard worn to give up easily. But the relationship is respectful, kind and gentle and makes me happy. Plus I fancy him rotten, lol! And no matter whether we stay together for a long or a short time it has been a positive experience for me and another step on my journey.
Escaping my abusive relationship was the hardest thing I will probably ever do. I only left because I would be dead otherwise, by his hand or my own. And it was very nearly my own. I couldn’t imagine another future, and leaving was a leap into the dark.
I’ll never make a bigger or braver leap again. There is a life free of control, of stress, of fear, of eggshells waiting for you. Its not easy to find, but nothing worth having ever comes easy.
Take care all you strong ladies, whether you’re living in it or have escaped. You have superhero strength, and you are not alone ❤ 💙 ♥
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Hawthorn, Happybelle and all you amazing ladies on here..
I’m very newly out too , and the idea of ever letting someone in/ trusting them in a relationship again seems way off…
But it’s so good to read how things are for those further on..
Hawthorn your post is inspiring…. I am at the very beginning of where you describe right now (keep putting off getting back in touch with local DA services ) .. the idea that I could get anywhere near back to the peace you are describing gives a lot of hope – thank you.
Happybelle I hope you are ok, it’s understandable to feel nervous / worried about relationships (and also you have a choice .. I guess that’s the big difference too!) -
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