Moving on

[lifelibertyhappiness]

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your advice following my last post. My counselling is really helping and I am on good anti-depressants which are also making a difference.

I feel like life is getting better, I will probably never be ‘normal’ in that I will always have a black hole in me caused by years of abuse, and that may never heal.

One of the things that helped me escape was a good friend who I have now started a relationship with. I have known him for years and he has been such a rock to me. But I find it so so hard to believe that knowing me as well as he does, that he could love me. He makes me so happy but his ex girlfriend still buzzes around him and it always sends me off into those ruminations that they talk about in CBT about whether I am as good as her at X, Y or Z. Is this a common feeling for survivors of abuse, to feel as though they will never be quite enough? He never makes me feel that way, and is always so kind and generous and loving and tells me how much he cares about me and admires me in a way that my ex husband never did. I’ve trusted him with more of who I am than I ever did with my ex. But it’s just when I think about his previous relationship that I just get into such a stew, and I find myself thinking about it all the time, even though he is totally not interested in his ex at all. Even writing it down sounds stupid. But it’s such a battle in my mind the whole time.

How do others cope?

[Lisa]

Dear lifelibertyhappiness,

I am happy to hear you are now in a loving relationship. You are a warm and kind person and deserve to be loved. Its understandable that you get worried, you have been through a trauma and the effects of that run very deep.

Everybody will have different ways of coping with thoughts like these, you could try writing down all the positive things about your new partner and refer to that list when you start to worry. I;m sure he will understand you feel this way, because of what you have been through. We are only human, remind yourself of how deserving you really are.

Take care and keep posting

Best Wishes

Lisa

[Author]

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