Moving out . Not sure what to do

[Plodding]

I am looking for somewhere to live my ex is staying in the family home and we will be doing shared care of the kids half and half . Iv seen a house really local and like the idea of being close to the kids when they are with their dad . It’s a nice though that I won’t be far from them at all and even when they are at home with me they will be near their friends too . Problem is I can’t imagine what life would be like staying close to him . It’s only a few mins walk away I’m not sure it’s a good idea or is it better to move out the village altogether , I’m not sure how it would work with the kids being able to come and go so easily between us and the close proximity I would be to him . But it enable me to stay close to them 😞please can someone advise me thanks

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Plodding

I think the biggest distance is the one between inside his house and outside of it, once the children are inside you can be 2 mins or 20 mins away, its not as big as the jump from inside yours to inside his when you can’t be with them. If you feel that he will continue to cross your boundaries it may be necessary to be further away, just unfamiliar territory to him and he doesn’t need to know where you are. It seems a bigger deal to me that the children will be further from their friends, but again, unless it means a different school and they are school friends, the children’s meet ups with their friends can be easily arranged.

Its a question for you that only you can know for yourself and them which setting is best. Have you been with the children to stay with anyone else to see how you feel about being distanced? Whether that feels like a relief to have that distance? Often we shut out our own bodily and emotional feelings in order to survive long-term with an abuser, just make sure you are listening to and prioritising yourself, whatever it is you decide. If you do move, unless you are buying, its possible to move again if its not working out?

warmest wishes

ts

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