- This topic has 17 replies, 12 voices, and was last updated 8 years ago by
lilaclady.
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17th January 2017 at 9:05 am #36347
lilaclady
ParticipantCannot believe it! Had a good day today organised the movers packed up everything we are ready to go. My husband is still away with work and flies home tomorrow so I will be telling him once I have moved. I am dreading that conversation. Today he was sending nice texts… have a lovely evening..miss you so much…are you looking forward to me being home. And when I didn’t answer a few he rung annoyed that I hadn’t, I managed to cut him off and said let’s talk about things tomorrow. SO odd him being nice as he knows I have found a house and signed lease. I think he STILL thinks I am not going to do it, or maybe we will talk and it won’t happen for a few weeks. If he gets nasty I am going no contact. If he gets REALLY nasty then I am contacting my lawyer.
A very weird feeling I cannot believe that finally I am going, I feel scared for the future but also looking forward to having a space that is mine and calm. But like someone said on here leaving them is a journey and this is the first step…
I have felt strong today so I am ready for the next wave of feeling down, sad…all the emotions. I will keep you all posted and thank you for your support ladies. x*x
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17th January 2017 at 9:14 am #36349
Confused123
ParticipantHi Hun
Oh well done , so pleased for u, please keep us posted so we know u are safe, hope u have someone to help you
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17th January 2017 at 9:14 am #36350
KIP.
ParticipantWell done. I think they sense when we are leaving and then they kind of panic and up their game. So typical to go from being nice and loving to threatening and bullying. I’m going to give you the benefit of my personal experience and you can make your own mind up of course but if I had to go through it all again I would get all the financial information I could together and get straight to a lawyer now. I would let him know that any future contact should only be made through the lawyers regarding divorce finances and children. I would have absolutely no contact with him. Don’t know how old your kids are but arrangements can be made through a third party or with a contact book that the kids take from one parent to another. There is nothing to be gained by contact with an abuser. You need zero tolerance with them. If he comes near your new place then ring the police. I know this will sound drastic to you at this stage, but it would have saved me a lot of mental anguish, courts, police, therapy. I hope you find the strength before he leaves you with no choice. You’re doing really really well. I would send him a curt text after you have left with your solicitors number. Best of luck. There’s a safe wonderful free fun happy life out there. Go grab it x
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17th January 2017 at 9:36 am #36351
Suntree
ParticipantGood luck and strength.
Only advice I would give is don’t give out your new address, if you can get yourself another mobile number or put a do not disturb on the one you have between night time hours.
Get yourself another email address to use as well.
This way you have an email address for the nice things in life and you won’t get woken during the night or times you aren’t ready to deal with things.Get everything in writing and keep it and keep a diary.
Get copies of everything you can financially, nat insurance number, employers name and address, credit cards etc.
Don’t agree to mediation with him in the room.
If you have kids third party handovers at trusted places, there are contact centres which can help with this. Don’t do car parks.
Get a very good domestic abuse solicitor, women’s aid can help point you in the right direction. These people are great at being able to pull the wool over a lot of “professionals” eyes. You need one that has seen it all before.
Remember no matter how hard it is now or gets it will be worth it.
said from someone slowly coming out the other end.
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17th January 2017 at 9:53 am #36354
Anonymous
InactiveHi,
What a brave move so very pleased for you.I hope things get much better for you. Good luck and stay safe x
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18th January 2017 at 11:33 am #36456
Grateful
ParticipantWell done. I am so happy for you. I am currently following KIP’s advice and I’m making copies of documents as I post! I’ve got to go through the divorce process still but can’t wait for the “safe wonderful free fun happy life out there”. Good luck with it all.
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18th January 2017 at 11:54 am #36458
White Rose
ParticipantCopy everything you can.
If youre planning on divorce (not sure if you’re married) take the marriage certificate that way you control petition he’d have the hassle of applying for certified copy to start proceedings.
Also worth taking a copy of joint bank and utility statements and if you can a copy of one if his pay slips (harder if electronic only) do a few if his earnings vary -it helped me prove he was lying to my solicitor.
I know just how you’ll be feeling part terrified and part excited and empowered. I left while mine was away too but with me it was a holiday I had refused to go on. He came home a few days early so I missed out on getting mementos as I prioritised the other things. Fortunately (detail removed by modeator) I was gone before he came back.
Good luck x*x -
18th January 2017 at 1:09 pm #36465
Robin
ParticipantGood luck with the move Liliaclady, you’re being so very brave!! Wish I was as decisive!
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18th January 2017 at 5:25 pm #36474
lilaclady
ParticipantThank you all for your posts!!! We are IN. The day was full on with moving unpacking getting the house sorted but we are in.
I have taken and copied all the documents… so have the marriage cert and my done birth certificate. Also took our passports just in case… not that I am going anywhere but I just thought what if he does something with the little one.
Feels very weird like you say part empowered part excited and also big part terrified about money and the future.
I honestly could not have done this without the amazing help of this forum it has helped me see the abuse for what it was and work on getting out. A million thank yous ladies!
Now I just got to see what happens now? Will he help support us while we are here? Will I need to move forward with a divorce? Taking each day as it comes. But I think I know in my heart there is no going back!!
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18th January 2017 at 9:42 pm #36492
Lightness
Participant‘My husband is still away with work and flies home (detail removed by moderator) so I will be telling him once I have moved. I am dreading that conversation.’
you don’t have to have ANY conversation
you are a free person. he does not own you.
no contact is the way
wishing you loads of luck x
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18th January 2017 at 9:48 pm #36494
KIP.
ParticipantWell done. You don’t need to rush into anything but don’t allow him in your new place or even know where it is. its a lovely feeling to know you’re safe. Enjoy this peace and start healing X
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18th January 2017 at 10:15 pm #36495
Confused123
Participanthi hun
hope u settling in well.
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18th January 2017 at 10:20 pm #36496
EeyoreNoMore
ParticipantHuge congratulations and well done for findin your inner strength.
So very happy for you xx
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18th January 2017 at 10:32 pm #36500
White Rose
ParticipantLovely to hear you’re in your new home. Be happy and be safe. Sleep well tonight there’ll be more unpacking tomorrow! xx
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19th January 2017 at 10:20 am #36507
lostandbroken
ParticipantAbsolutely amazing work Lilac, well done. You did it 🙂
I had a huge delay in the grieving process once i was finally living on my own, with my thoughts. But after a few weeks and lots of ‘me’ time i got there. Keep yourself busy and spend lots of time on you and little one 🙂
Enjoy your freedom xx
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19th January 2017 at 9:32 pm #36542
Seekingfreedom
ParticipantJust wanted to say Lilaclady, well done and also what a huge inspiration you are to those of us that are yet to make the move! Please keep us updated on how things progress. For now, I imagine it’s all about baby steps, and, of course, like ‘lost and broken’ said, enjoy your freedom xx
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19th January 2017 at 11:32 pm #36563
White Rose
ParticipantYou ok lilaclady?
From your first post I wondered if he was back yet and realised you were serious about the move and gad actually gone.
I hope things are ok and he’s not getting to you. Remember no contact makes us stronger x -
20th January 2017 at 12:36 am #36567
lilaclady
ParticipantI’m doing ok. Every day I have the full spectrum of emotions…strong, sad, anger towards him, disbelief, relief everything. House is almost all set up just need hot water which is being fixed today. I felt so tired yesterday and a full on day with the little one, everything just felt overwhelming. But once little one was in bed I had a nice calm evening on my own and went to bed early. Which was just what the doctor ordered. Still feeling strange today, just sad I think. Sad this has happened. And a little bit of was this huge step needed (even though deep in my heart I KNOW it was needed). Thanks so much for all your support it really really helps me. Just to read your messages is great. My friends have been great and I keep telling myself one little step at a time. x*x
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