Moving to my new house (detail removed by moderator)

[Mummyboo]

I haven’t been in here in ages but things are getting tough again.

This is supposed to be a happy time after (detail removed by moderator) of me and my wee boys sleeping in my sister’s box room we have finally been allocated a house. It’s a lovely little house and I’ve managed to hobble together furniture and stuff from FB buy sell sites and charity shops and so I’m all proud of it.

I was really worried about telling my ex. I couldn’t even tell the boys as I knew it would be the first thing they would say when they get to his house. In the end I got the social worker to tell him as I was just too scared.

Since then he has been so awkward. everytime he picks the boys up he’s all teary eyed. He accuses me if lying to everyone about him. He still sends texts offering to take me and the boys out for dinner. He still denies the abuse and puts it down to one time when he “lost his rag”. It gets to the point were I wonder if I made it all up.- I was with him for (detail removed by moderator) and it was filled with emotional, physical and sexual abuse. I should be within my rights to leave this relationship. I could have went to town in him last year- he could have had a criminal record, could have had to go through the courts to see the kids, could have had his family & friends know what type of man he is but I did none of that. (detail removed by moderator) ago I was in a car crash and have a brain injury so everyone who knows us thinks he’s a poor man whose wife went mental and left him- which is not true.He uses that too and tells the social worker, my family and even me that I just can’t remember but we had a strong marriage and we’re happy. I just don’t know when this will get any easier. Sorry for venting it’s just so hard.

[KIP.]

Absolutely zero contact is the only way you are ever going to escape his mental and emotional abuse. He has no right to be in your life and handover of the children can be done through a third party if at all. If you had done all the things you list, like Court and speaking out about his abuse, he would not have the control he still has. Absolutely well done about getting your own safe little place sorted. Please do not allow him the address or for him to come anywhere near your sanctuary. You and your children do not need such negative nasty dysfunctional behaviour in your life. You deserve to feel safe and peaceful in your home and while he is in your life you won’t achieve this. You owe him nothing and he is not your responsibility.

[Sunflowersandstars]

Everything KIP said, I wouldn’t tell him where you are moving to. Do you have any evidence of him admitting the mistreatment? I spoke to my ex a lot via text after I left and explained the reasons why I couldn’t be with him, outlining the main points but giving some examples of his behviour which he replies to, admits and apologises for and says things like I cry all the time thinking about everything I put you through. I replied to that with you are putting more energy into our relationship now it is over than you ever did when we were together. I’ve kept all those messages, it would be good if you had anything that you could then show the police as evidence? Or social work? I don’t know if anything like that would be used against him or not but it was just a thought.

You should be super proud. Keep going! Read up on things online if you haven’t and you will start to realise his behaviour now is normal for an abuser. Put yourself first, your feelings- don’t consider his anymore protect yourself and do whatever you can to have zero contact. Good luck and I hope your moving day goes good 🙂
SaS

[GodInyou]

Darling, I hope that you are okay, I know it is already a year since you wrote that message, but I know how are you feeling, I recently left my ex with 2 children, and now I am staying in a motel looking for a place to go to leave, now I am talking with my elder daughter if she mind if we move (detail removed by moderator), and we are talking about (detail removed by moderator) and I think that it is a good place to start everything from the beginning, but she doesn’t want to leave her friends, but for our safe she is ready to do anything. SO better go as far as you can, and don’t tell anyone of your known where did you move.

[Author]

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