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It is doing my head in, him being nice and actually making an effort to help around the house. He hasn’t don’t that for (detail removed by moderator)+ years and it all feels wrong. I was never bothered about him outtingvthe bubs out but now he seems to feel he HAS to do it, to prove he is changing. He got annoyed with me that I took the empty bin back to the house but I wasn’t trying to undermine his efforts but I was walking past them – why go back empty handed. Sorry, the point I am getting at is that genus being so nice and I don’t want him to be. I worry that the kids will forget what a pug headed, controlling bulky he can be – especially after a drink. He controls me in very subtle ways, texting and calling , turning up at work unannounced Dictation or coercing our food choices to what he thinks is right, making me run around after him, make his appointments, rub his feet ( he sulks if not and is rejected ) I have to stroke his hand in the car when we drive anywhere even if I am tired, and when he turns, has an episode, the filth and contempt he spits at me in front of the kids is horrendous it maybe that dinner won’t be ready exactly when I said it would be or I haven’t done a job he asked, or I have been texting or talking too much to family or friends. He only talks about himself if money of making money. We once had a meal where we talked for three hours about different people’s perception of him! I could have screamed ! Accused of affairs because I talk to colleagues and customers and they care about me. But in public he is so charming and popular and respected. I don’t want to ruin him socially but I know I will be the bad person in this because people won’t believe me I am sure. When I asked for a separation earlier this year he immediately threw the kids into it and used them to get at me. Threatening to tell them what I was doing to the family. He refuses to see that it is his behaviour that has lead us here; why I am no longer in love with him although I do care about him still. I am cross that I lost my momentum and gave in to counselling. He has been told very straight that one more outburst and he is gone. He says he loves me but refuses to believe that these random October, November, December, January and March ( but stuff before that too ) have made me feel like I do. He says there must be a third party as I am getting stronger ( counsellor session in my own ) and my friends. He said his family support him. I just want to run away – I am a shell now. The doctor says I am clinically depressed but I haven’t told him that as I think he would use it against me with regards to the children. Sorry – I know this is all scramble and vent but I am screaming inside . X
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