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I was wondering if anyone else had a similar experience to me. I am out of my abusive relationship now but feeling like this next chapter is a whole new thing I need to navigate. I have (detail removed by Moderator) whilst also I am autistic and have adhd.
My ex was emotionally and physically abusive – looking back it was as if they used my physical illnesses to abuse me more. The sleep deprivation to make me flare up so I’d do as they wanted and be the “right partner” whilst also making me do everything around the house. They would confuse me a lot about social situations and cause me so much overwhelm/overstimulation often leading to shutdown and burnout. I got to a point where I was bedbound and had to take long term sick it was so bad – they made my illnesses that bad I’d have to depend on them for basic human needs but they would leave me to rot in the bed and just torture me constantly saying I needed to do better but if I wasn’t doing what they wanted they’d be forcing me to do everything whilst I was so poorly.
Looking back on this level of cruelty I honestly don’t know how to process it all, the physical violence I think I can move past but the way my ex would get inside my head it’s made me frightened of people. I’ve become more of a recluse, not wanting to socialise at all and I’m struggling to go into the office when I’m supposed to be doing a blend of working from home and office work. They were of a different ethnic background/religion to me and now when I see these people out in public I’m scared, it makes me freeze but I know they aren’t my ex yet I feel so awful like I’m tarring them with a horrible presumption they’ll be like my ex if they come near me. It’s making me stay indoors, I order everything in rather than going out to shops, I want to be able to go out and enjoy life but I’m so scared. Even though they are gone I feel trapped by everything that’s happened.
It hasn’t been very long since I managed to end the relationship ((detail removed by Moderator)) and I know these things take time to process but if anyone has experienced similar or knows of things that can help to start leading a more normal life I would really appreciate it. I’ve even been scared to post on here until tonight, I often don’t sleep because of nightmares or worrying my ex will come knocking because they moved out and I know often people move so they can’t be found as easy. I just really hate that I feel like I am locked in my home and not being able to move forward like I imagined I would when they relationship first ended.
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@lovesprollies
I’m in a similar situation ATM.. I find that there is lots of gaslighting and it’s definitely impacted my chronic health condition. Just burning out brain power, by trying to stay ahead of the games. I’m exhausted -
Thinking of you both. I’m autistic and have ADHD and found the Freedom Programme and accompanying book, Living With The Dominator, helpful.
There might be help available to help you to get to a group eg door to door transport with a vetted taxi company.
It might be a bit scary to go to a group because of AuDHD traits like not talking, talking too much etc. But I was able to be quiet, participation is on your own terms and the facilitators are kind and gentle and respectful of chronic health issues.
The police or Victim Support might be able to help with home security.
I also feel slightly freaked out when I come across someone with the same name, accent, figures of speech etc as my abuser. I once saw someone who looked vaguely like him at the other end of a train and had to hang around near staff just in case it was actually him, ready to dial 999. Not that they would have wanted to get involved but just to have witnesses. I can’t even drive along the street where they live.
But I think that’s more to do with I don’t want to put myself in danger rather than fear of something that might not happen if that makes sense. The police and Victim Support might be able to help with safety planning and your local domestic violence organisation might be able to help with the anxiety and nightmares.
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