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My abuser is seriously ill, I had a meltdown last night, the pressure of caring for someone who has caused so much pain to so many people has taken its toll. Am in the process of discussing the next stage of care, there is not much time left of his life. I have to be honest and say I hate caring for him, there is only some kind of misguided duty. It’s coming to an end and my emotions are all over the place. I am blessed to have the support of our adult children. Just wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation, finding it hard to navigate.
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Hi Headspin,
That’s such an incredibly difficult situation to be in and I think that anyone would struggle with it. It’s completely understandable that your emotions are all over the place. I know that you’re really asking for other people who have been through similar, and there are lots of women who have had to care for their abusers, but if you did want some additional support you could also reach out to your local domestic abuse service, who may even have support groups that might be helpful.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa -
Mine was really ill during last year. I thought he was dying at one point, so did he. If he hadn’t gone to get help he would have done. In all honestly whilst it was hard to see him so unwell I also remember thinking it would just be better if he died. Sometimes now I wish he had. Sounds awful but really he is someone who dosnt really know how to be an adult and will always have a miserable life and treat people badly.
Not sure where I’m going with this other than I can imagine how you’re up and down with this. It will probably be a huge relief when it’s all over. -
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It sounds like such a difficult time for you.
My abuser used substances heavily for decades and I’m surprised that he is still alive. I guess that I was his carer in a way, trying to sympathise with his substance use. I’m not in contact now and I realise that some abusers use substances to numb their feelings and more easily dehumanise people so they can abuse them more.
I wasn’t in much contact with my dad, who was physically and emotionally abusive and he died suddenly many years ago now. It was just strange.
Other people might say about their parents being their best friend, their rock etc and they miss them so much but my dad just wasn’t those things.
I really hope that you have some sensitive treatment from any professionals involved. In my volunteering I try to raise people’s awareness that abuse can occur in carer-cared for relationships. You might feel able to confide in them and hopefully they will support you in looking after yourself.
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