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Hi Tuppance. In my experience normal people simply can’t get their heads around the fact that someone can behave like an abuser does. It’s not that your brother doesn’t love you or believe you – but ‘outsiders’ who have never experienced abuse struggle to fully believe that the abuser, another human being, can behave like that. Particulary when the absuser is the type that is charming, helpful etc… to everyone else. I know my abuser relentlessly hounded members of his family to tell me to try and reconcile with him. I know what its like to be on the end of that relentless pressure and I don’t actually blame them for giving in, contacting me, just to get him off their case. I understand that they don’t really understand abuse.
If your abuser has been in contact with your brother he would have lied or minimised etc.. what went on. Declared undying love for you etc…. your brother may think he is actually helping you.
Time will probably change his attitude and information (if you feel you can share that with your brother).
Take care xx
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Tuppance,
Have faith in your gut and give yourself priority.
We got involved with our exes because we didn’t know what abusers were. I agree with Her Indoors, most people can’t get their head around what abuse is- especially as abusers carry out abuse in a covert way much of the time, hidden from public view.
My ex used to be nice to me in front of my friends and family- as if to hoodwink them that he was a nice guy.
My counsellor told me recently that it’s important that I get to that place where others’ opinions aren’t so important to me.
As my friend said to me before I divorced, you need to postpone all emotion and forge ahead. Don’t let anyone or anything steer you off course.
Have you attended a Freedom course? I bet if you did, you’d have your experience so validated, you would feel much surer of your experience. Can you see if there is one in your area? X
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I agree. One of my friends encouraged me to work on my marriage, in good faith, long before I left. Mostly because of my own minimising and lack of understanding. She is now horrified that she did that and apologises for it. So sometimes it is just misunderstanding. I still get quite angry when my experiences are invalidated, which happens frequently at work indirectly, but as I trust myself more it matters less. You know how you feel and you feel that way for a good reason. Try to stick to those that get it as much as you can x
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