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And the man who attacked and terrorised me and has a conviction for attacking me is legally allowed to come to the street I live in, even my next door neighbour if he has their permission because he hides behind a ‘business’. I’m the one hiding away from my home. So I’m having a sh*t day. Been crying since I got up which is something I haven’t done in ages. I’m angry and I’m frustrated. The police can’t and won’t do anything until he hurts me again. What kind of a system is this. If I tell the neighbours what’s going on then I can be done with harassment. I can see why women move but my life is in that town.
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Really sorry that you’re going through ths Kip. I had a similar thing with my first, physically abusive, husband. He was allowed to live in a house overlooking mine, because he lived with his father!
It is so wrong that the law does not take the threat and ongoing fear and anxiety seriously. It is as if being convicted (and paying (Detail removed by moderator) compensation less than £5 for each injury from the final attack), means that it is dealt with. And we know that it isn’t.
I’m thinking about you. Stay strong. If you deal want to go out and feel strong enough then go – with your head held high. He should be hiding, not you! -
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It is so wrong. The world is so often focused on the material and on money. It still makes me mad when I think about his conviction and it is decades ago now. Laughing at the irony is a good response!
My (most recent) abuser has my money, furniture and white goods – but he lives in squalour and is totally alone and often suicidal. He is not going to change, but I can and you have!
I know that it is easy to say, but the best revenge really is living well and being the survivor that you are Kip. These horrible triggers and days that are not OK come with the experiences that we’ve had. They are tough, but we get through them.
Try and remember all of the great things that you say to others when they feel as you do – you really are a very wise, experienced and strong person. I know it gets tiring – but what is the alternative?
Sending you strength and positive thoughts. -
Hi KIP,
Sorry you are suffering at the moment, from the first time I joined this forum you have always been such a great help to everyone on here so I hope we can help you in turn. Do you feel safe or do you feel like he is escalating the stalking and harassment?
It must be so awful having to still be dealing with it. I agree a lot of the system feels like a joke, so much more is still needed to be done. I saw my ex on a dating site recently, back on trolling for new victims, no consequences for his actions and yet more poor women will be going through or about to go through what I did with him, no doubt needing women’s aid, the forum, therapy etc. It’s like society keeps helping the women (with minimal funding) but does nothing about the abusers, they are just allowed to roam free most of the time racking up new victims and harassing previous ones, it’s only when they cause death that society seems to think ‘yeah he’s probably not a very nice person, we should probably do something about him.’ Abusers seem to know this and really play the system, taking the mickey out of restraining orders etc.
Maybe write down a list of the things you think would help, write down your support network, and your tools to deal with his stalking, and your tools to cope with the ptsd, to refresh it all and possibly come up with a new plan. And keep logging the sitings too so you have lots of evidence. I know it’s incredibly frustrating and tedious but you might be able to get the police to take more action if you have more evidence, the police were mostly rubbish with me but begrudgingly issued him with a warning because I had lots of detailed evidence (not saying you don’t have this already, just suggesting it in case you don’t).
Keep going KIP, you are a fabulous, strong, inspiring woman!
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Hi KIP, sorry to hear that you are being harassed by your ex, I do think the police and criminal system need the power to be able to do something about these abusive men that continue to stalk and harass. My ex was found guilty of the physical abuse, as you know from my posts I was continuously stalked, myself and my child were nearly run over twice- but the police did nothing, telling me that they could only do something if he was violent to us. I couldn’t live with the risk and fear, so I had to move. Why should we have to be the ones to move and start our lives over again? Stay strong and report everything.
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Hi Kip,
So sorry you’re having such a rough time at the moment. These men are experts at bending and exploiting the rules. It’s sickening that they can keep getting away with it.
You have given me and so many others the strength and courage to keep battling on. I’m so grateful for all your advice, not just to me directly, but to others too. Reading all the posts every day and all your great advice and positive thoughts have kept me and many others moving forward to a better and safer place.
I hope these replies are bringing you comfort and strength. Together we will not only survive but we will thrive and continue to support each other through the rough patches.
I hope things improve for you soon.
Love and strength FF -
You’re having a rough time KIP. Don’t be too hard on yourself for gaving a justified wobble.
Do you feel you could try a bit if reverse psychology? Brazen refusal to be afraid of him? When you see him find a reason to go out of house and walk past him? You obviously can’t say anything or acknowlwdge him as he’ll twist it but you’ve a right to walk down your path and on your road. My dad always used to say “don’t let the b*****s get you down” about bullies at my school. Your ex is a bully, don’t be beaten by him he’s just not worth the effort x*x -
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Thanks for all your replies and support. Beginning to bounce back again. I’d love to be able to walk past him but my mind and body still go into uncontrolled panic and I know it would play on my mind for days. Like it has. I think the answer is to change the system. That’s where I’m going to put all my energy. Meeting my MP next week. I’ve always pushed the boundaries back and it has helped me cope. The law is based on fairness and this simply is not fair. For years the victims continue to suffer. It’s bad enough that we are left with their trauma but to have to seee them and drive past them when they deliberately come to where we live is unacceptable.
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