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Knew i were innan abusive relationship before him for nearly two decades. I felt he used this against me.. he would say how i need to go back to my counselling and i need more of it….. this were said when i wanted to leave him. He knew i didnt speak to my mum and the reasons why…. but still he brought it up saying no wonder she dont speak to you….and how basically i should seek medical help for my problems… again.this were only said when i wanted to leave. He would say and do things i wernt happy about then say oh im sorry if my sense of humor offended you. (detail removed by moderator). Wrapped up half bottles of wine for my b.day. if he ever did anything for me which were rare he would expect me to be highly grateful which i were anywhere…. and he would keep repeating it and what he did…
In the beginning my gut were crying out to me regards him.. he said he wernt like other men… but he were so calm and laid back and smug…. his wife divorced him for unreasonable behaviour but he said she financially abused him. He thought because he gad a privelleged background i were nothing… he said i were a fool for leaving him because id chance of a loving relationship and a normal family… saying normal as he knows ive probs from the past with my mum. Do u think this ia abuse??????????x*x -
Rule number one, understand that this man is not a credible witness; he simply can not be trusted. They use our vulnerbalities against us, twist what we feel hurt by to put the knife in further. Instead of offering comfort and compassion – which is what a decent, loving person would do.
Try to seperate yourself from his words, they were not coming from a place that has your best interests at heart. He says these things to either hurt you (verbally attack you) or for control, because when self doubt kicks in we start to believe what he says could be true, it is me, especially if it jumps on something else like the difficulties in the maternal relationship – because there is some kind of connection isn’t there.
You have difficulties with your mum and for good reason; she also did not treat you with kindness and respect hey, her parenting was likely poor or absent.
Counselling should not be used as a way to say you are weak and need help; counselling is for support, it helps us to grow stronger – probably why he mocked it and you. Sounds to me like this could help you now, to work through things, so you dont feel vulnerable again, gain the self awareness you need. For example, if you were to feel ok about what happened to you in childhood, this could not be used against you again in the future, because you would have come to terms with it, understand how it impacted on you growing up and now, and feel you came out the other side – even feel richer for it – because you grew from it.
He sounds vey smug and self righteous to me, and that he sees himself as superior to you. Good riddance x
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Hi fizzylem yes hes just that… he were looking down on me but pretending to care… said i were all messed up…. he holds people to account for a living.. had a privelleged upbringing… he knew i were caring and took advantage… one minute he were buying a house then it were we can never live together as theres no room at mine for him anf his son… he still relies on his elderly parents and hes a grown man… i bet his ex wife could tell a tale.. hes made me feel like nothing… he rarely called me by my first name…. he nick named me (detail removed by moderator) …. hes sent me mad x
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He said he had been financially abused by his ex wife… im not sure this is true… apparentlt she filed for divorce fir unreasonable behaviour.. his own dad basically said in a nice way hes good for nothing hes still tied to his parents apron strings and tends to lie.. i really regret being with him… he kept saying silly girl x
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Who does he think he is!!!
Yes this is common, dressing up abuse in ‘concern out of kindness’ – not true – but a head reck for sure hey. It’s using what he knew about you, to maniplulate you to get what he wanted.
Yes, it’s in the divorce isn’t it – divorced for ‘unreasonable behaviour’ means he was uncooperative and abusive doesn’t it.
He’s ‘entitled’ isn’t he, because he never had to work for anything. He also can’t seperate himself from his job – so treats everyone this way. I bet you could never argue with him or put your point across could you – because he could always argue better and until the cows come home!
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Hi he woll fight things out to the death… he said once basically he would always be right. Also said when he challenged his ex over money missing she threw a shoe at him…. i only know what hes told me…. he takes a teddy bear to bed lol x
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