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Hi everyone,
Just wanted to say that reading through posts before finally joining the forum has been so eye-opening for me. After leaving my partner I still struggled (and am still struggling) to come to terms with the fact that what I had been through and what I suffered was actually abuse. The conflict between heart and head is so strong it’s difficult to trust your own instincts.
At first he was fantastic. After my previous relationship before him I thought it was exactly what I needed. The questions then came – ‘are you cheating on me’, ‘why don’t you answer your phone in the taxi home’, ‘who are you with’ – I thought it was all insecurities but this emotional abuse got gradually worse as soon as we moved in together.
It’s crazy how I can relate to so many posts on here. The abuse is so subtle. I almost didn’t even realise it was happening. I used to always put the blame on myself for whenever he was in a bad mood. He used to punch walls, and be so demeaning to me; calling me names, telling me I wasn’t doing the housework properly, making me change my behaviour and always forcing me to be sexual after he’d said such hurtful things. Every time it of course always followed with an apology and ‘I love you’. We’d had a particularly bad week before he finally physically abused me. I felt so guilty for calling the police, and so guilty for then leaving the day after. Since that night happened I haven’t been back to the house. I found out I was pregnant a couple of days after I left, and as much as I wanted to go back and carry on like we were the perfect match for each other, I had the best friends and family to look after me. I told as many people as I felt comfortably telling because in my heart I knew what he was doing was bad. But even now I still have feelings of regret – I wish I’d never told anyone. If I hadn’t, I’d still be there. I’d still have my home. I would urge anyone reading this to tell whoever they trust what has happened to them. The more people the know, the more help you will get and the more clarity you will have.
Reading these posts from all of you incredible, strong women also shakes me back into the reality – the reality that he couldn’t have loved me and that it wasn’t my home. A home isn’t a place where you should be scared. And someone who loves you doesn’t hurt you in such an awful way.
I know I have a long journey ahead of me, and I still have a million things to sort out to properly cut ties and move on, but the important thing is that I am safe. It’s not going to be easy. I’ve realised that abusers don’t make it easy for people to get away from them. But I take so much comfort in knowing that there are others out there that have got through it. Thank you everyone for sharing your stories and thoughts and helpful suggestions. Before reading posts on the forum I had no idea about trauma bonds. I cried when I found out what they were, because it described my situation perfectly. But, in this moment, I’m hopeful. I will have down days. But they will hopefully become less frequent as time passes.
Thanks again to all of you for sharing and being a massive part of my healing process – wishing everyone well and am here for you all. Remember, we’re all brilliant people that don’t deserve any of this x
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Hi KindnessIsntAWeakness,
Welcome to the forum and thank you for taking the time to post. It’s good to hear that you’ve found the forum a valuable place to increase your understanding and to know you’re not alone. Thank you for your feedback and I echo that we have an amazing online community of women here.
Keep going on your journey, do post if you’re in need of a bit of help along the way.
Kind Regards,
Lisa
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