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My father is telling me I could have tried to sort things out with my partner, and I’ve been silly for throwing out someone who was so good for me.
My aunts are ignoring me.
Between them they’ve met my partner 4 times. So logically I know they’ve got it wrong. But it’s also completely shaken me, and my partner is trying to get me to go to couples therapy and show me things can be different. I feel absolutely deflated.
My father behaved in a similar way to my partner when I was a kid. I feel like most of the abuse was towards my daughter.
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It’s really difficult with family. Don’t do couples counselling. Don’t talk about abuse with your family at least for the time being.
Please make contact with Women’s Aid. I’ve had flashes of why family members don’t recognise abuse. It is their fear, not yours. Often people opt to go along with the abuser because they are afraid of them although it’s a fear they won’t acknowledge or admit.
The Freedom Programme run by Women’s Aid is brilliant. If you are able to do that you will learn that you are not alone, and your experience is common and that your reactions are normal.
I have been where you are. Hopefully you are younger than I am! You sound as though you had a tough childhood. We have all witnessed terrible things. Things that are absolutely not our fault and we have had times when we felt imperilled.
You are making steps to regain control of your life and that is brilliant. Well done! It’s not a journey anyone would choose but there is so much help and support along this treacherous path. Don’t expect your family to help. When you are recovering you can choose them. This is their problem, not yours, and you need to get the help and support for yourself.
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