My husband didn’t know he was being investigated

[maddog]

The met with the police several times because I was terrified of my husband. They offered to see me home and speak to him. I declined their offer because I thought my husband would ramp things up and because we are under the same roof, it might make things worse.

So… the police have not spoken to him about his behaviour. Nor have I told him. His case has been NFA’d and he knows nothing about it.

I do not have the final report. There may be reasons for this. I just don’t know if I did the right thing by not telling him.

[KIP.]

You would gain nothing from telling him. I think you did the right thing. Try to work on leaving and getting free. Abuse always gets worse x

[maddog]

A big part of getting out involves selling the house. Needless to say my husband has done absolutely nothing about it. I have had endless estate agents round and although I have had the removals people to take my stuff away, there is still so much, still not unpacked from our original move, and really I can’t do it on my own. One of my children is particularly unco-operative, and thinks I’m the baddie in all of this. So far I have spent ££££££ on solicitors and removals and god only knows what else. My husband blamed me for petitioning me for divorce (and everything else), yet he is not being proactive. I see him being afraid. He has never lived alone. Nothing to do with me. I am feeling quite cross.

[Freedomfighter]

Hi Maddox,
Sorry things are so hard right now. I wouldn’t have told him about the police investigation either. Mine would have gone ballistic, the abuse would have definitely escalated. I’m going quietly while he’s away. I can empathise with you about the packing, doing everything yourself etc. I’m trying to pack secretly and searching for suitable accommodation, sort out financial help, file for divorce etc. So much to do and think about. Good luck and stay safe

[KIP.]

Your husband is counting on you not doing it all on your own. That’s how they work. He will make it as difficult as he can. By doing nothing. I’d be worried that even if you get an offer for the house he’s going to refuse. I think you should think about a court order or legal agreement that you both sign up front agreeing to sell the house and split the equity. I was messed about and lied to all the way by my ex. Even shook hands, silly me, believed him. 😏

[maddog]

Thank you for your contact. It means a lot. I am off to see my gp again today as I wake up like a bunny in the headlights. That awful feeling of descending gloom. I am maxed out on anti depressants but at the moment they don’t touch the sides.

I think my husband is terrified. I’ve seen him like this before. The divorce settlement is being decided by (detail removed by Moderator) mediation was a waste of time. His reality is not the same as mine and I’ve had (detail removed by Moderator) years of marriage guidance to understand that only his way matters. His reasons for wanting to divorce me mirror his behaviour. He maintains that I have done to him what he has done to me. The social worker told me that he has agreed to go on the perpetrator course. I hope she is right.

[Author]

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