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Here goes…
I am (detail removed by moderator), I met HIM when I was (detail removed by moderator) he has been deceased for (detail removed by moderator). I left him (detail removed by moderator) years ago. I struggle every day.
22/11/21 I got flashbacks, I was still in denial of everything.
(detail removed by moderator) I was honest with someone for the first time about how I was struggling that someone was my new manager she been in the job couple months and I burden her with probably a quarter to what’s going on in my head. She put me straight on sick leave.
(detail removed by moderator) A friends voice message triggered me after a few hours of talking and crying I accepted that I had been in a abusive relationship which triggered me into a crisis. I think I’ve caught it in time before I go too far into a depressive state for a few months.
(detail removed by moderator) I tried to be normal go to the office put some make up on etc, the one thing I avoid is answering how are you questions or what have you been up too… Hard to avoid on a teams call. Manager put me on sick leave with the help from HR who also provided access to a 24hr line and some counselling sessions, I am extremely lucky my employer is awesome.
(detail removed by moderator) I been here before, I need to speak to someone I used so many helplines and services each one having a little more information than the last person. long story short I will be assessed on Monday. I have finally sort help. One lady I spoke to asked the age of the man when I met him, he was (detail removed by moderator) when I met him she stated that child’s abuse with or without consent and doesn’t have to be penetrative sex.
It’s hard to describe in words how I feel, I know HE physically abused, manipulated me and all those other boxes you tick that you can relate to I pretty much ticked them all.
Through the years I have taught myself to cope, I’m able to put myself into a trance like state and still function apparently this is a dissociative disorder. It’s like being in the dark and also shutting your eyes, this way isn’t good so I’ve learnt over the last few days.I’m super scared but does not compare to anxiety I deal with daily leaving the house or the mental abuse HE put me through.
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Hi Beautiful Angel… Justrealised,
I am sorry to hear that you are struggling, the journey you are on is not easy
However you have to remember it is a journey and a process to heal and the first step in that is accepting
I went to see Katie Piper a few years ago (the lady who had acid thrown in her face) and she said the way she got through it was to accept it. Once you start to accept things you are telling the universe you are ready to move on
That’s not an easy thing to do, but how you are currently living is not easy, so its your choice which road you choose… clearly the path you are on isn’t currently serving you
You have to ”Feel to Heal” you have to cry, scream, shout, get angry, curse, hurt, feel uncomfortable… all of it, until its out
Unfortunately there is no easy way to get through this but once you do you can set yourself free of his abuse
He is no longer in your life, do not allow this man anymore of your head space
Start to create a picture of the life you want
Get a pretty note book and start to manifest physically by writting it down
You don’t have to know exactly what this is but write down the feeling … you could even create daily affirmations to say, for example …
I leave my house with confidence everyday
I am safe and secure in everything I do
I create my own life
Start simply and slowly … like I say its a process
But start to feel my darling, let people around you support you when you do, like the people at work and the ladies on this forum. Start to support ypurself aswell, acknowledge your feelings and what your mind and body are asking from you. Be kind to yourself and put in at least one selfcare practice a day and start a gratitude diary
I can only ever speak from my own experience so I hope this has helped, even if its just one thing … small steps all add up
Sending you continued love and support
Darcy xx-
Hi Darcy,
He hasn’t been in my life for sometime. He is no longer here. Dead. I have physically moved on mentally emotionally I’m still there.
Thank you for your kind words and you’re right I don’t do much self love.
Not sure a bath is a great idea, this is a trigger. I find it hard to do something to do for me because I wasn’t allowed to do those things without questioning and arguing… blah blah blah.
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Just take one step at a time … it doesn’t matter how slowly this is, as long as it is a step moving forward
If the bath is a trigger, try and change the memory. By planning a nice bubble bath with candles and relaxing music this will slowly replace the memory you had before.
My partner was from a different country and for about 2 years after we split I would not eat any food associated to where he was from … however the only person I was depriving of lovely food was myself (he didn’t care what I ate!) so I changed the memory and ate this wonderful food in great company and now when I think of that food, I think of a special time with friends & not him.
I truly believe that if we work hard enough and put in a daily practice we can change our though patterns, and if we can think repeatedly negative thoughts, there is no reason why we cant think repeatedly positive thoughts
Thinking negatively is like continuously praying for something bad to happen, we have to switch it up.
You may think, its easy for me to say … well its not… but I have put the practice and hard work in so I know it is possible over time
Retrain yourself to believe you are worth love … eb=everyone is my darling
You’ve got this!
D xx
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Darcy writes a lot of sense.
Rewriting memories was important for me and I’m not there yet.
When I left it was the process of cooking for another person that was so difficult. As I had done so much for him and it was never appreciated or valued.
Guess i still struggle with that sometimes.
Dissociation which I also struggled with in the early days can be thought of as something your brain is doing to protect you. And so during those times I tried to say ‘thank you brain’ to myself which might sound weird but it helped me not to panic during those times. Your brain will only allow you to deal with whta you can deal with, so accepting and trusting your body and brain may help.
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