18th March 2018 at 7:33 pm #56066
The last few months have been so busy I don’t know what to do any more.
I don’t my ex out, then put the house back on the market and sold it.
I have now move to a new house with no memories.
My mother has been ill and died within days of my move, I knew she was just waiting for me to be out of the other house.
In with this my employer had money stolen from the safe and he wanted me to lie about where the safe key was left. I was told if I didn’t I would have to leave.
Now every day he is finding fault with what I do, he has employed some else to do my job so I can see the writing on the wall.
I am looking for another job, also documenting everything that happen while at work.
But I can’t cope with all the abuse am I just a victim that will always be abused in one form or another.
I miss my mum so much she was my rock.
18th March 2018 at 8:01 pm #56067
I lost my mum today. I’m still not divorced and the financial stuff will be sorted out in the next few weeks.I can’t tell the children and I am bitterly alone with it. My husband is still in the house. I need to get it prepared for sale and he is doing everything he can to make it impossible. Thank goodness for valium. I have enough to knock out an elephant and I really feel as though I need it now.
18th March 2018 at 8:30 pm #56068
It seems we are never aloud to get through one thing at a time.
My ex made the sale difficult, and in the end I bought him out after in being on the market for years. Then without him in in the property it sold in weeks.
It will get better we just have to get through this.
It just at this time we need our mums.
19th March 2018 at 8:25 pm #56109LisaMain Moderator
Hello Falling Skys and Maddog,
I am so sorry to hear you have both lost your mum recently. It must be such a difficult time as well as dealing with the abuse. I hope posting on the Forum is helping, we are here to support you whenever you need us.
19th March 2018 at 10:19 pm #56118AppleblossomParticipant
So sorry ladies for your loss. I can’t eeven imagine how awful it’d be to lose your mother on top of everything. Be kind to yourselves. We’re rooting for you 💖💖💖💖
19th March 2018 at 10:24 pm #56119
Thank you Lisa. It is very difficult not being able to speak to the children about it all. It wouldn’t be fair with my husband still in the house. It is infinitely worse being at home than with my dysfunctional mad family of origin. At least when people are annoying, I have friends and can vent, and can just about hold it together. At home there is nothing like it and I live in fear.
A relation sent another of his sodding round robin emails to relations about my mum. He got the time wrong. He didn’t ask me or my siblings. He just fired off, maybe including my husband. My head spun. I was effing furious. I vented at one of my siblings. I have just spoken to them again and been told that said relative is often confused and getting things in a muddle.
It is a major concern though. This relation is now firmly in my blackest of books for being so stupid and selfish. My mother thought he was horrid to his children. They see as little of him as they can. Must get on and take some meds to calm down a bit.
Horrible police video interview earlier. I think I have blocked out what actually happened. It was a long time ago (not with my husband). Perhaps the police will find out more from my friends from the time. A few of them remember things I told them. I don’t.
21st March 2018 at 7:36 am #56170
I’m sure if my children will be at the funeral or not as my ex has turn them against me, my son said he didn’t go and see mum as he didn’t want to see me.
I have a meeting with the vicar with my brother today, one of his daughters will be there I really dont want her there as she is a trouble maker. Sheila will be wanting to say something at the funeral as she loves to be the centre of attention. My mum didn’t like her so it will be hard to see her do it.
Every afternoon my boss calls me in to find fault with what Ive done, I just cant be ask to answer his questions any more. My only hope is to get another job.
21st March 2018 at 7:59 am #56172
It never rains but it pours. My gp has referred me back to SS and to the MH team. MH in this part of the world is useless. Gp said as much.WA are being really kind. It’s awful really feeling like I can’t go on. Once my husband was apart from these damaged men in my family. Now he is one of them.
21st March 2018 at 8:32 am #56173KIP.Participant
Hey Falling Skys, I remember the terrible time you had with your ex. It shows the absolute strength you have. In a way it’s a positive thing your ex is no longer in your life, I can imagine he would take this situation and drag you down further. You’ve done incredibly well to get the house sold and find a safe place of your own. We are always our worst critics but please remember the positive journey you have made. Just to escape abuse is such a difficult thing to do. Regarding your employer, I would try to get him to admit what he asked you to do in a text or email. Keep all the evidence you can, just like with an abuser. See if you can get some time off work due to the death of your mother. It might give you some breathing space just now when you need it. My ex turned our son against me too so I knkwmthe pain this brings and we are both invited to a family event soon. Hold your head high, just like I will be doing. It’s not my shame x
22nd March 2018 at 7:45 pm #56239
Thanks Kip, I have started to apply for other jobs, also when ever he says anything to me I’m writing it down. I can have unpaid leave but I can’t afford it.
I will hold my head high and whether the children come or not thats their chose and they will have to live with it.
24th March 2018 at 10:34 pm #56325AyannaParticipant
I have noticed that abuse follows me like a trail since I left.
Wherever I go people try to abuse me or abuse me.
It seems they smell that they can treat me like a piece of s**t.
Things have gotten better, but the abuse still has not stopped and my life is definitely not back on track.
I decided to be patient and persevere, to face the abusers and to try my hardest to succeed.
I do not let them see what goes on in my inside. I walk with my head high and a smile on my face.
Hopefully one day this will end and people will not see me as a punch bag anymore.
25th March 2018 at 11:06 am #56343
Hi falling skys,
I too am sorry for your loss, bear in mind your mum will be still supporting you and guiding you albeit from a different space but the loss of her presence is very hard for you. You are incredibly strong! He’s gone and you’ve sorted out a safe place for you to live and are supporting yourself. You are grieving your mum and dealing with an harassing boss and dealing with adult- children still under the abuser’s spell. That’s a lot and will warrant a hell of a lot of support to et through. But you will. One foot in front of the other, small steps daily and head held high.
I can relate to your post so much. If it helps I have daughter under abuser’s spell,its hurtful but I’m slowly accepting her choices. I say to myself and it helps ‘Her choices don’t include me.’
Same here at work abusers abound. The regular pointing out of my mistakes (or not mistakes but they make them out to be!). One of the memes say ‘If they (abusers) make a mistake its ok if I make a mistake everyone loses their minds!’. That just about sums up my working day. I can avoid my boss though so I’ve established minimum contact but I probably couldn’t stick constant contact.
I too used to think is it me? or have I a neon light on my forehead saying I accept being badly treated! as first my abuser mum, then abuser boyfriend, then abuser husband, now abuser boss, and some work colleagues (now realised they turned into abuser’s allies), then adult-child (who is not putting in any effort to keep up connection with me and is negative toward me most of the time when with me) and then aperson who I considered a friend but who is nasty/nice, nasty/nice etc the same cycle of abuse I know so well and if I look closely in between the niceness she actually doesn’t like me much but is using me to feel better when she brings me down. Agh! But now I’m staring to see they have the problem. My only problem is my nature which is that of an empathy. I don’t want to change that anymore. Its me and I’m proud of it. I’m honest (except with abusers lol), kind, hard-working etc just like you. Just because my boss and work colleagues are of the kind who like to bring people down and who need to do a lot of work on themselves well that’s not my problem. I can’t change them and I couldn’t change my abuser mum, ex, etc and the people I love who choose to align themselves with abusers and take on their negative attitude towards me. All I can do is choose how much time I’m going to spend around these kind of people.
Just wanted to share my experience so you don’t feel so alone with it all. And thankyou for this post, its helped me not feel its just me either.
25th March 2018 at 5:02 pm #56361
Thank you LONC
Your words have given me comfort and strength.
I have the funeral next week, and I have an interview for a new job fingers crossed both goes well.
27th March 2018 at 7:08 pm #56434
Yes hoping both go very well for you. You can always post before and after both events if you need extra support and strength. You don’t have to do either without support.
Well done for sorting out a job interview despite all. That’s not easy. Keep on focusing on you and your self-care (getting a potential new job sorted) and do’ grey rock/detach with love for yourself’ with any family who bring you down.
31st March 2018 at 10:47 am #56542
Funeral went very well, sadly I didn’t get the job and then the next day I lost my job.
Now I have to think if I take it further as he was lying.
1st April 2018 at 3:22 pm #56579
Hi Falling Skys,
Glad your mum’s funeral was dignified for her and your sake. I’m sorry to hear your abuser-boss discarded you. That’s what abusers do. Its not your fault. I wa sa near perfect wife and my abuser ex still dumped me. Abuser’s sense when we are getting stronger and that we will no longer be duped by them or a source of ‘fuel’ for them. Your abuser boss probably wants an easier target to have Power and Control over. He knows you will not be his emotional punch bag any longer, so he’s got one last attempt at ‘fuel’ (your upset/hurt/anger) by taking your job from you.
Now hopefully the universe point you in the direction of another job to pay your bills without a boss who have Power and Control issues and gets his kicks out of bringing his employees down rather than building them up.
1st April 2018 at 5:39 pm #56580
I’m so pleased your mum had a good send-off. Also, a job with your name on it will be just around the corner. I really hope you feel you can breathe more easily now you do not have a wretched, pathetic abusive boss who is lying and asking you to do his dirty work.
My mum’s funeral isn’t till later in the month.
My husband has been writing letters to my relations with his ‘side’ of the story. I have no idea what he intends to achieve. I haven’t told my husband I have read it. I think he is losing the plot.
1st April 2018 at 6:18 pm #56581
Thank you LONC
I have never been out of work so this is all new to me, will make an appointment with CA next week regarding benefits ect.
MD I wish you all the best for your mothers funeral. Though I am worried on how I will survive without a wage, I am relieved that I don’t have to see him or his PA again they are nasty pieces of work.
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