This topic contains 12 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by  Bruisedbutbrave 1 year, 4 months ago.

  • Author
  • #50901

    Being a British Pakistani born and brought up in the UK has been difficult behind close doors. To the outside world i seem normal like any other woman, but unknown to the world i have deep scars. Inside me and on my body.
    I was home schooled from my early teens and told i should not mix with boys. I was then married in my late teens and divorced in my early twenties. Life ended for me before it even started.

  • #50914
     lover of no contact 

    Hi and welcome ExistingSoul to the Forum. You will get good support posting on here and you will be able to identify with us. Keep posting your thoughts and feelings on here and reading the posts. Knowledge is Power.

    • #51007

      Thank you Lover Of No Contact.
      It is quite hard to talk but i am trying

  • #50915

    Hey there. To the outside world most of us seemed normal. I know I did. I went to extreme lengths to hide the abuse, ashamed of it as if it was my fault. But it’s never the victims fault. Life hasn’t ended for you….. it’s a new beginning ❤️
    Are you safe? Have you had any councelling? There is a helpline number on here if you would like to talk to someone x

    • #51008

      Hello KIP,
      Im so sorry to hear you went through a tough time
      I wish you strength and courage hun x
      I dont feel very safe 🙁
      I sometimes think the abuse will end me. Or honour killed.
      Im waiting for council housing,
      its taking ages.
      Ive contacted a few organisations they cant do something right away. Im always told to wait or contact another organisation. I think im giving up

  • #51190

    Do you still live with your family?

    You do not have to put up with it.

    When you feel that you are in danger to be honour killed you must listen to your gut feeling.
    Go to the next police station with your documents and immediate things you need and refuse to go home. They must believe you and send you to a refuge.
    You can call women’s aid from the police station.

    See your life as a new beginning.
    You got rid of a man who was forced on you.
    Forced marriage is a criminal offence.
    You could report your parents and whoever was involved. I know how difficult it is to report the parents, but you have this option.

    I have a friend who has been through this.
    It was a very tough journey.
    She cut all ties for safety reasons. She has a Uni degree now and lives a good life.

    • #52096

      Hello Ayanna,

      Thank you for the kind words and encouragement, i am living with my parents and at the moment it is difficult to go as i am not the only one who is subjected to the abuse.
      I am happy for your friend its always a motivation to hear of others strength. I wish one day we all can be free and live life.

  • #51198

    Hello ExistingSoul,

    Stay strong. Listen to your inner voice, your instincts. The churning in your tummy when you know something is about to happen is a good indication of danger. It’s hard to breakaway when everyone and everything around you is telling you, you are wrong. I am still trying to breakaway after yrs in a forced marriage. Even today, a “friend” warned me against getting police involved and telling me it would be wrong and I had to put up with it and be patient. People who haven’t been there don’t have any idea of what it’s like. I don’t think your ethnicity or religion matters if your life is in danger. I wish I had your strength and got out of my marriage sooner.

    Your life echoes mine in many ways. I have been abused most of my life by the people that were supposed to love me. Walking away when abuse is all you know is hard. When you feel your life is in danger, it’s even harder. Idk if you’re muslim but we’re always quoted verses that are meant to keep us in line so when we do something normal we feel we are opposing God or committing a sin. But there are verses in the Quran no one mentions because they forbid you to die in a state of oppression whether you are a man, woman or child. I wish I had known them when I was a child. It may have given me the strength to speak out. I am sorry I am assuming you are muslim. Please be careful if you are planning to leave. Don’t leave clues around for people to follow you. If you can’t get to your documents, the police can retrieve them for you later or you can get new ones. I know my father used to have all our documents locked up and we were to afraid to ask for them. All that matters is that your alive. You can rebuild your life somewhere far away. Stay Safe x

    • #52095

      Hello iamme,

      Firstly i am sorry to hear you are going through tthe a similar situation, it is very hard to live and escape abuse when the people in your life have always abused you 🙁
      I am trying my best to stay strong and i wish the very same for you too, keep safe and stay ststrong.
      And yes i am muslim, i absolutely understand what you mean about the Quran verses.
      It is not something new to me actually, many parents have fallen into this category sadly, it is very sad to see how parents can put anything aabove their children.
      I am sorry for the late post, i had a fallback.
      Keep me updated how your going hun xx

  • #51201

    Iamme and ExistingSoul this is the organisation for both of you to get advice, signposting and help:

    Get out safely.

    Keep posting.
    We are here for you.

  • #52099
     shine bright 2 

    I am muslim too….had all those quotes thrown at me to justify marrying me off in my teens and making me stay while he abused me. I always held in my mind that Allah is the most merciful and compassionate. People twist things to suit themselves and as someone else said those people don’t pick out the bits about kindness, respect and compassion. I know how hard it is. I went to school here, but I was never allowed to mix with boys or white people. I became friends.with a boy and they made me marry him.

    My ex is in prison and we have to disappear….it also feels like life is over but it isn’t. As someone said it’s a beginning. It’s hard to see that. I was married as a teenager had kids and was basically his slave. That could sum up my life…but I won’t let it. Please don’t let these people dictate your life story. Please be strong.

  • #53501
     gold for a king 

    Hi Existing Soul,

    You have to be strong in this world especially if you are women Pakistani. I hope you are having a good day. Where you subjected to arranged marriages?

  • #81704

    I am so sorry to hear .
    I thought It was only girls who got married and imported brides from Pakistan who are suffering the domestic violence.
    In my head I thought girls who are brought up and went to school will know their rights and support system better .its heart breaking and i am ever so sad to learn what’s happening .
    Narcissism is very common inmuslim societies where Male are entitled to oppress women and use islam .it is considered normal and I accepted this as normal for all my life .its is impossible to break free from such deep rooted abuse when youyou dont even know its abuse .

    Girls please look after yourself
    Write to your local MP
    speak to women Aid
    Email who ever you can to get heard
    Together we are stronger
    Together we can be voice which will be hard to ignore
    Please dont give up
    Life is beautiful
    We deserve so much better .
    It’s just matter of time
    Allah is kind merciful
    He test his chosen ones and he will find the best just the matter of time so just hang in there.

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