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Does anyone feel really dissociated with the abuse you have dealt with? I’m not always the best at dealing with things and also because you hide abuse for so long I feel there is so much I have made myself forget. I think back to times when he attacked me and I can picture it clearly, but it doesn’t affect me, it doesn’t feel like it was me. I relive the moments in my head but not from my eyes, I’m watching myself, it’s so surreal like something out a movie. I think that’s horrendous for her but don’t seem to be able to comprehend that it’s me. I think back to times when I was lying on the couch with him leaning over me fists clenched threatening me and I just lay there drained, not even scared, without sounding to crazy it was honestly like my soul left my body and i had no feelings, I just said to myself put up with it a few more months get the debt paid back and leave, don’t speak back, just lie here and let him go on. It’s only been a few months and I’m just really confused with this whole process and everything that happened.
Is it better to feel like this and not properly have to deal with it or is this bad and could cause issues in future?
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Hi TakingMeBack
Dissociating from your traumatic experience can be seen a coping mechanism.
Your ability to tell your story fact by fact with emotional detachment is acting as protective barrier to allow you to voice your experience.As long as you do not develop any disorders, no loosing sight of reality or loosing your identity completely, you are doing just fine.
That said, I would advise you to seek treatment and counseling for processing your trauma properly. Since you are able to voice your experience, you might as well get it over with and out of the way. Maybe your counsellor will be teaching you other coping mechanisms advancing your healing process.
Dissociation takes the lead intuitively for any major changes happening to my life when I feel unsafe, only when I am feeling a high degree of safety are my emotions able to surface.
In any case you are normal and not alone in feeling this way 🙂
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