My mind is a mess

[IndecisiveGirl]

My head is all over the place. I’ve been left a few weeks, but I still have to have contact with him because of my baby, and we have a joint mortgage/trying to sell the house.
I am in contact with women’s aid and that is helping. But he still gets in my head. Tonight he has me convinced that my parents and I have too close a relationship and they influence my life too much.
He never liked me having a close relationship with my parents, even though we lived miles apart because I moved to his hometown when I finished uni. Initially, I used to skype my parents, and he would sit in the background with a moody face, eventually my parents stopped us Skyping. We used to go on weekends away all together, as we had a mutual hobby, but then he stopped showing interest in that too, so we stopped going. My parents initially used to visit when we first bought the house, but he would fall asleep on the sofa snoring and refuse to go to bed when I suggested he should; he would also complain if I got something in to do a nice dinner for my parents visiting, even though my Dad has a medical issue so we couldn’t have eaten what we normally did anyway. He would do lots of other things too to make them feel uncomfortable, so much so, their visits became less and less.
With regards to me going back home to visit my parents, he would often make me feel awful about it like I was abandoning him. Several times, he’d ring me shouting and swearing at me and threatening to bag my clothes up and put them on the front lawn, while I was driving to my parents. Several times, I got so upset that I’d turn the car round to go back home to try and sort things with him before I left, I’d lie to my parents saying I’d forgotten something to explain why I’d be so late.
Please tell me, I’m not going mad, this was all his way of trying to isolate me from my family?
It’s so hard cause part of me is genuinely believing that my relationship with my parents has actually ruined my life and my relationship with my fiancé/baby’s Dad.
I still feel like I love him and miss him. And I honestly believe I’m just a horrible person and drove him into being so awful to me:/ maybe it really was all my fault and I must have issues in my head?

[Iwantmeback]

Hi and you are right in saying that he was doing that to isolate you from your family. They get so jealous of anyone having your attention apart from them. They are just like utterly spoilt children. Look up the fog of abuse and the cycle of abuse. My parents lived so close to us yet I felt I couldn’t visit them as it upset my oh so much. I started making out that their smoking was the problem, it was pretty bad, even when my mum was dying he made me feel awful at going to visit her in hospital and at home. Would go on at how much I stank and would nag and nag Me till i jumped in the shower. We couldn’t have dinner at theirs because of their smoking, or invite them into ours.. from being a close small family,it was like I had no family.he always said he was the only family i needed. I too wonder if how I feel towards my family is my own feelings or his. I was with him for well over 2 decades, so can’t tell for sure what I feel anymore. You are not going mad, but he is guilty of crazy making behaviour which is actually a criminal offence now thanks to the coercive control act of 2015, which has been added to in July of this year. None of this is your fault, though we find it hard to accept that. I’d recommend reading why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft and living with the dominator by pat Craven. They should shed some light on this behaviour. Keep posting and reading others posts. Knowledge is power.
IWMB 💞💞

[IndecisiveGirl]

Thankyou for your message IWMB
I’m so sorry you had to go through that for so long aswell
Why do we find it so hard to accept that maybe it wasn’t our fault?
I feel like I’ve messed my lovely life up with him and I’ve just overreacted or something?
I do try to remind myself that it was bad and people shouldn’t have to live like that
But his messages to me now make me constantly question that there’s nothing wrong with him and it’s my fault?
Thankyou for your suggestions, I did try to get the pat craven book at the library but it was lost:/

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