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I don’t know how long I can do this for. My mind is just… gone.
He’s not a ‘batterer’, I’m not being beaten up regularly (he’s only hit me a few times in the last (detail removed by Moderator) years, none of those times badly enough to cause injury worse than a bruise). So it’s not as bad as some, I know.
But constantly being told I am c**p is wearing me down. My health and career have suffered and I feel I’m looking at just more of that as I get old and die.
He’s of the opinion that I abuse him by being c**p at everything. He regularly tells me that I am only so useless at everything to get to him and to drag him down. He calls me the most evil names, in front of our child. He’s dead against me owning a car but when he’s p****d off with me he threatens me with not letting me use the family car, knowing that’s the only way I can get to work.
I know it’s not as bad as what some people get. And frankly, looking around at others I’m starting to wonder if a certain level of abuse is the price women always pay for being in relationships. How much of this is normal? How much of it *is* justified by me being c**p at things? (I think I might have ADHD, never been diagnosed, so it might just be that I *am* rubbish at everything…
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OMG sweetie your post broke my heart. No No and No.
There is no reason none whatsoever for anyone to hurt you verbally physically sexually in whatever way it isnt ok it isnt normal acceptable behaviour No.
You could be the worst person in the world which i am certain you arent but if you were you would still have the right to be treated with kindness compassion and love.
There is no excuse no reason that allows anyone to make anyone feel bad. This is his problem his not yours. It doesnt matter what others are going through you dont need to compare your pain to anyones elses if it huts it hurts end of.
Have you anyone you can talk to confide in? This isnt acceptable sweetie and you need help in seeing that. A friend famoly member dr? Or even when you are ready womans aid will listen.
There is help out there and you just as much as anyone deserves help you deserve to feel good about yourself to be in a safe loving place.
Sweetie its not you it really isnt.
Stay safe xxxx -
You were never the problem he is.
I’ve just found the courage to leave this past few weeks. He never beat me, but did get angry. Would hit things in frustration. Play mind games, and manipulate me. Just recently threatened my life. It’s how people like this work from what I understand to control us. You are worth so much more, and need to find the courage and support to do what’s best for you. Please never blame yourself. You are stronger than you think. -
This sounds like my story, so much the same. It is heart breaking to read about your life, and the damage is does is massive…….
You are not to blame,
You are not to blame,
You are not to blame,
You are not to blame,
You are not to blame,
You are not to blame,This is my message to you.ADHD or not, You are not to blame,again,
You are not to blame, he is choosing what to say, and You are not to blame,he is choosing how to harm you,
You are not to blame.It took me many years, and a lot of tears, heartbreak, escalations and a few attempts to find the courage to go.
I realised, after leaving, just how much damage he inflicted on me and our children. I could not see any of it while in, but knew it was wrong.
The decision to stay is yours, I totally understand this point, it is so scary the thought of leaving.
The decision to leave is yours, I don’t regret leaving, it was the best choice I made. Because I made it, for myself, and my children.
It is daunting, but so is staying, it took me time to evaluate the pros and cons of both, and I planned, made lists so I could visualize what was going on, it made me really – see – what was happening.
Sending love and hugs,
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