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    • #132621
      Aliendoh
      Participant

      Hi. My mum left me pre-school age. My dad raised me. Dad was violent. I am a survivor of life time abuse. I lived with my mum for almost (detail removed by Moderator) years as a teenager, in this time, my brother physically beat me a lot, mum would say its untrue, I’m lying, despite the evidence, ie holes in doors where he tried to punch me etc. Brother sexually abused me also, I did not tell mum this, but I do believe she mustve heard him walking into my bedroom at night. Mum’s friends sexually abused me, I told her of this, and she did nothing, she remained friends with them. Mum never spoke to me of the abuse by her friends again. Mum was abusive to me every day until I left. I was neglected also, no food, and was bullied at school. I almost ended my life, but chose not to. I’m glad I didnt. I returned to my dad, where domestic violence, including threat to life, continued until I married. My husband was dangerous, I recieved awful abuse, I got out, have been in this safe house for years, he threatened he will find me and kill me in all manner of ways. I’ve worked hard to recover from my mum leaving me. Then very recently I saw my mum (I’ve had no contact due to her narcassist cruelty, including one time, beaming with joy, showing me a picture, of that couple, her friends, the first time I’ve seen theur faces since the abuse, they are the one who sexually abused me, (detail removed by Moderator), it shocked me, mum remembered and did this deliberately, also things like, she will contact my life threatening ex husband etc) so I’ve had no contact. I know mum tells the whole family how I don’t care for her, dont see her, don’t do things for her, and they all hate on me. I know this for a fact. Her sister rang and attacked me. So I’ve blocked all. I saw my mum when I visited with my own grown child, believing she would behave herself and not attack me with them there (she’s tried to turn my grown children againgst me before, told them I had stolen from her, she told the stepdad this too, when I had lived with her). During my recent face to face contact, she said, completely out of the blue, that I chose dad when I was Pre school age, that she didn’t leave me, that it was my choice. I said that a young child cant choose, that things just happened, it wasn’t a choice. I explained of my memories and I know when and how she left, mum said that I cant have memories as a child and what I remember are untrue. She said I stomped my feet and screamed I want to be with daddy. Maybe so, but I was young. It didn’t mean I was choosing daddy. The time when she left, I wasn’t screaming for my daddy then. I was screaming, pulling my own hair out, begging them to stop from hurting each other, they were wrestling (detail removed by Moderator) threatening to kill each other. My dad was saying that going to prison for killing her would be worth it. My dad locked me in a bedroom with him, I asked why had he placed things by the door, and he said it was to stop mummy hurting us. I remember thinking, mummy wouldn’t hurt us. The next day we got up and there was broken glass, crockery, cutlery, broken furniture, everything everywhere all over the floor, and dad said ‘your mums gone’ and that was that. Then recently mum said, for the first time ever in my life, of how she left, or why. She’s never enquired of that little girl me. It’s obvious she blames that little girl, me, and that I chose it all, it was all on me. Mum also said ‘you didnt want to be with me as a teenager’ I felt astounded and shocked that she would say this, considering my life was hell and I endured so much, of which she did not protect me from, when I was a teenager living with her. Its completely broke and hurt me. Where do I go from this. I know I cant see her again, she’s made it impossible. Little inner me is hurting so. I’ve worked hard to understand things of when I was little, all abuse that happened to me, and mums abandonment of me. Now she tells me this. I need support but have none. I live alone and in isolation, to be safe from the ex husband. I’ve rang different places trying to get some emotional support or counselling, Ive been told it will be months before I can get support. Thank you for listening. I’m reeling, I don’t know what to do or which way to turn. Mum has delved deep into my traumatic past and said it was all on me. I’ve never been able to speak of any of it, that young child’s life and feelings

    • #132702
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hello Aliendoh,

      Thank you for sharing this with us, I can hear that you have lived through some incredibly traumatic and distressing times and understandably this is continuing to have a big impact. It sounds exhausting to relive what’s happened and to feel the need to defend yourself for what you were put through as a child.

      I just wanted to suggest a resource that you may not be aware of, which is the organisation NAPAC. They offer support to people who have experienced abuse in childhood. They have a support line and their website is: https://napac.org.uk/ I wonder if they would be a useful service for you.

      Take care and keep posting,
      Lisa

    • #132770
      Auriel
      Participant

      Hi aliendoe , I wondered where you’d gone cos I’d not seen you on here for a while, but you mam Sounds like there’s a severe empathy deficit (mine was the same ) cold, able to act the kindness when it suited, acting like she didn’t know what was wrong to other people after she’d been abusive, here’s something I found out recently, psychopathic behaviour can genetically be passed down from the male in the family, and my m**s dad was seriously abusive, but as you said before you feel your mam is highly narcissistic and narcissistic people will try and gaslight and change your perception of the facts and blatantly lie blameswiching, your the cruel one I do no wrong kinda thing, when there’s abuse in the family sometimes siblings will copy whether its genetic or learned behaviour but I really think you should limit your contact with your mum or cut off completely, it won’t make you a bad person just self protecting that’s overdue, and just like mine she doesn’t deserve the title of mother mine chose to abuse just as her dad abused her and her siblings 🧡💛🧡

    • #133117
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Hi,
      I’m so sorry to hear all of this.
      I just wonder, in terms of accessing counselling or other support, whether it might be worth contacting the Rethink Mental Illness Advice line (they don’t specialise in abuse, but it clearly has a significant effect on your mental health, understandably, and they’re very good at finding local and National services). They have a huge bank of information on what help is out there.

      Some private counselling services or domestic abuse specific services also train counselling students in their final year placements so will offer extremely low rates (from like £5), that might be worth a Google search “low cost counselling in [insert area]” if you haven’t already x

    • #133924
      Still scared
      Participant

      Im new but these posts are so helpful…thankyou to you beautiful strong ladies….i cant see for tears so excuse typs

    • #133925
      Still scared
      Participant

      Dear desr aliendoh.

      It sound so familiar….with a few differences in ‘methods used to inflict as much hurt as possible. I hope we can support each other….weve survived the hardest part is over…lots of love…

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