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I posted before about a different abuser who ive left already. i think what happened to me paved the way for this to happen again. its much worse this time but i still have trouble seeing if its actually abusive or not. He insisted on helping ms study and when I said I wanted some (detail removed by moderator) instead of answering the question he said not to talk back to him and that he was doing this for me. this is just one example. he grew more frustrated when i didnt know answers even though it was my first time studying it. he said not to waste time.
ive tried to leave him already after a big fight. he was mad that i was sad. (detail removed by moderator). i tried to stay smiling for the whole day but then he started being rude and impatient and i had to go get fresh air. he came with me and noticed i was upset and blew up. for hours he lectured me about how everything is my fault and gaslighted me into thinking that most fights were me not acknowledging my mistakes. i was so tired i gave a massive appology.
after i tried to leave he said he would try to change and there were a couple good days but now its starting again and hes already found a way to try to turn the day around on me. he has made steps to change but im still getting treated like he owns ms.
im scared i will loose myself in this person and not be able to leave even if they start hitting me again.
he snaps his fingers when he wants me to move faster and if i dont hear what hes said or dont pay attention when hes speaking he gets very angry even if im simply exhausted from work.he expects perfection and he expects me to be able to do it all the time. he has no patience anz is one of the most entitiled people ive ever met.
i feel like i havent left because im just waiting for him to do something really bad but hes already made a joke about hitting me and went back on his words. when i tried to leave he said he never wanted to hurt me and that he was just confused. now hes said that he does want to.
the violence isnt even the part that bothers me its the way he talks to me. i hate feeling stupid and its how he treats me all the time. he talks like he deserves me to be perfect.
ill try to add more later. i dont have much time to sort this out as im behind on everything.
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its very confusing when he basically says that he doesnt know better due to his own mental health. i am still stuck in my situation because fkr a second he seemed like he was working on himself but now he clearly isnt and is putting it off. hes being incredibly self centered and i almost feel estranged around him. he says that he needs me and then he forgets im even coming over despite obvious plans. he hasnt hurt me again yet but hes made jokes about it and i dont understand why im not leaving because it’s so clearly obvious that this is bad for me. but he brings out certain things in me that i do like and hes the only person ive ever met with as much drive as me to move up in the world but i keep getting nowhere while he moves up because i cant set boundaries or say no to him due to being codependent. the codependency feels like my fault because its happened in other relationships before but its so much worse with him because i have real fear that setting boundaries or saying no could cause him to blow up
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