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    • #17985

      We both went to…to sort something he desperately wanted to buy and as I parked the car he gave me a really great compliment on my driving skills saying he thought I was one of the best woman driver he knew.
      You should have seen the smile on my face! His father has never ever complimented me in my whole life on my driving skills.
      He then bought me lunch, a drink and some Swiss chocolate! We talked about business and came home happy.
      I told you my husband is away till…it has been utter bliss. And my younger boy has found his natural smile again. Let’s enjoy ourselves before he comes back…i have already received a text from him telling me his children have now stopped communicating with him…do I need to read something like this???

    • #17996
      lover of no contact
      Participant

      No, you don’t have to read his texts. He wants you to read them because he wants to get onto your head and have your thoughts on him even though he is away. Heaven forbid that your thoughts should stray unto your children and their nice ways, unto your business, even unto the beauty in the day. Oh no, Mr. Arrogant King, Mr. King of the Castle sends you the text to keep you firmly focused on Him and his issues. If his children are not communicating with him, that’s nothing to do with you. That’s his issue.

      No, don’t look at his texts from now on. Just press the delete button. When I did that with my ex husband’s texts, it feels sooo empowering. We can’t control their texting, or content but we can control whether we look at the texts or not.

      • #18000

        Dear Lover of no Contact, don’t you find it bizarre indeed to send such a remark by text at the end of a short paragraph about something else?

        I wouldn’t send anything like this, even when I was at the refuge, when some of my kids didn’t text or get in touch, I didn’t challenge them nor him, I never complained, I analysed in my head and simply knew my kids were suffering from not seeing me, that they found it weird for me to be away, weird to have him as a single parent and that I would be able to see them if I so wished and organised visits. And I did! It was up to me to keep in touch, to remain a mum. But under no circumstances would I text what he texted to me.

        I am so used to this man part of me knows his texts are not normal but a massive part of me has become so unreactive, so numbed, so used to him, so brainwashed, so willing to”take it”, I dont answer, I glide through all of this, I find it all perplexing and somehow I even start to blame myself, feel responsible and doubt what I may have caused. Strange. Lack of self esteem? Is that how you feel when your brain and heart has been brainwashed, abused, messed up with?

        Some of his texts make me cringe, but most of them wash off. And still fear of the divorce and the financial future for me keeps me put…

        I need to put an end to all this slow torture. Love between a man and wife shouldn’t feel like that surely…

        Why is he like that? Or is it me? Did I do something wrong?

        I am seeing my dv worker today. I don’t know what to say to her anymore, I feel like a stupid woman, a waste of time.

    • #18008
      Suntree
      Participant

      I felt like that stupid woman too. Your not.

      Look at the positives, look at your boys.

      As for him sending something like that, ignore it. It is designed to pull the old strings which you have been conditioned to for so long.

      If you have to communicate keep it simple and to the point. Ignore anything that is designed to pull on your emotions, make you feel sorry for him etc.

      You will find over time that the tricks slowly don’t derail you for as long.

    • #18010
      betterdays
      Participant

      Hi bjif when I passed my driving test my ex wefe furious as it meant I wouldn’t have to depend on him. I only got a couple of minors. That day I really were on a high. But whenever I drove and be were sat at the side be were always mocking my driving saying anything to knck my confidence saying I were taking the corners too fast which were rubbish. It were him with a driving problem he drove far too close to other road users. In the end I threw towel in and let him drive he obviously knew why. Even now I’m not overly confident. X

    • #18038
      Serenity
      Participant

      This is proof that your son isn’t a carbon copy of his dad: he has the capacity to appreciate and care for his mother. You have saved him from total unappreciative and becoming a perpetrators by being a constant presence in their lives.

      I think this also proves how your relationship with your kids is fine- it is just his presence that is the upsetting influence. If you were to separate, your relationships with your kids would be intact and blossom, I am sure.

      Your ex might try and blame you for his faltering relationship with his kids. Abusers blame us for parental alienation, when they alienate themselves. He can build a good relationship with his kids if he makes the effort, but it will involve laying off the wine and treating their mother with respect!

      Xx

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