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    • #123807
      Rosemary
      Participant

      Good morning ladys

      I wanted to explain something which is not normal
      What my partner does I just wanted some support and to try and understand it because what he does is just silly but makes me jump.

      When I got to the toliet my parnter comes outside the door he would either make funny sounds like he is (detail removed by moderator) or bang the door sometimes he put things under the door . This is the most strange thing a man could ever do I just cant make sense of his mentally of even doing this . Makeing (detail removed by moderator) very loud makes me jump and when he
      Bangs the door hard . Is this abusive ? Or is he intimidating me ? Sometimes I cant go to the toliet in piece with my parnter being stupid like this. He scares me thoe makes my heart goes fast he thinks this is a joke . I now when others read my post you be in shock to even to read this . I don’t understand this behaviour it’s just not normal at all is it ?

    • #123808
      Hawthorn
      Participant

      Hi Rosemary,

      It’s pretty normal for abusive men to not respect our privacy. I also often couldn’t go to the toilet without him banging on the door to tell me about something and had to lock the door when I was having a shower as he would come in grabbing at me. It’s just another way for them to make us feel anxious and as though our bodies are not our own. If you have told him you dont like him doing that (as I did) he will do it more. He does it BECAUSE you dont like it. It is another tactic to make you feel powerless and stop complaining about his actions to him; the more you say stop, the more he does it, so eventually you give up staying stop and give up your control. This makes us feel helpless and stuck in the situation. But you are not helpless, he has just made you believe that. Keep reaching out and planning your exit. Sending a hug xx

    • #123809
      Rosemary
      Participant

      Thank you Hawthorn for explaining to me i new some of the reasons why his doing it but it keeps going
      Around my head of this silly behaviour. Everything you had said there I totally agree with you for why his doing it . Also he does talk to me at the door as well or goes to do something in the kitchen knowing I am in the toliet I now his listening at the door as well but why listen I am just going to the toliet it’s like I get no space I go to my bedroom and he comes up after or sometimes his shouting up stairs what am I doing I am in the same house as him I feel I got no space to breath sometimes its horrible.thank you for being here for me I need that strength to leave I am so scared . So sorry that you go thought the same thing it’s not nice Thank you for hugs bless you sending them back to you

    • #123810
      MeAgain
      Participant

      My partner used to come in the bathroom and insist on watching me (detail removed by moderator) after – I think he was refusing privacy to humiliate me. He took the lock off the bathroom door. Its not right what these men do and I’m so sorry your going through this.
      Sending you love and support xx

    • #123814
      beachhut
      Participant

      Hi. This is intimidating behaviour, I used to be told not to lock the bathroom door (took no notice) as he said if I had a fall he would need to get in to help me, I used to run the water so he could not hear me pushing the bolt across. It also got to the stage where he timed me and when I came out he would say how long I had been in there. He was also the same if I went into my bedroom, would come up to ask stupid questions, stomp up and down the stairs, or make so much noise I would have to go down. This was his way of controlling every movement I made. This is not normal you should feel safe in your own home. I am out and can spend as much time in the bathroom as I wish now, usually with it wide open as there is only me to please.
      You will find the strength to escape this misery, it is not easy but worth the peace and calm you will attain when you do.

      Stay strong. Take care of you, beachhutXx

    • #123817
      Rosemary
      Participant

      Hello MeAgain

      I am so sorry what you have been thought its
      Not nice at all he should respect you. I thought I
      Had the only parnter that does this I never realised other men do the same it’s not right and sure it makes us feel nervous at times.

      Thank you for your love and support I hope
      Your geting some help and support.

      • #123824
        MeAgain
        Participant

        Thank you I am out now and slowly healing. I think all of these behaviours became normal in the end, and on their own didn’t feel significant but when all together they really were. Well done for reaching out and taking your first steps x*x

    • #123818
      Rosemary
      Participant

      So sorry beachhut what you have been thought its
      Just not accepting behaviour . It’s good that you got out of your relationship I wish I have the strength that you have I feel so weak and tired and scared to even leave but I need to believe in my self that everything will be okay because I have been told I will get all the support I need if I left my partner. I will gain some strength to leave I think it will take time .

      You are right i should feel safe in my own home and go anywhere in my house with my partner being there .my partner does alot of intimidating which is horrible he just controls everything even money. I dont have a say in anything when I do he dont take my thoughts in to consideration what ever he says goes like paying bills he pay what he wants and others he dont pay he thinks this is okay and makes me worry so much

      Thank you for careing and for your advice I appreciate it .

    • #123819
      gettingtired
      Participant

      Hey Rosemary, I’m glad you posted this and others have replied as I hadn’t really thought about this behaviour as being abusive. My partner expects me to be in another room when he goes to the toilet yet when I do, sometimes he will keep calling my name or laugh. Sometimes after I’ve been he will ask me what I was doing as though to embarass me. I used to think it was just him having a childish joke but now I’ve read this post and the comments I can see there’s more to it. He also used to keep calling my name when he was in the bath and call me to come to the bathroom then if I wouldn’t he’d usually sulk. Or he would want me to sit in the bathroom whilst he was in the bath to speak to him even when I just wanted to relax on the sofa. He hasn’t done that for a while but it still used to stress me out when he would do it xx

    • #123836
      Rosemary
      Participant

      Hello getteingtired

      So sorry you went thought this it’s not nice for
      Your partner to treat you in this way . You reminded me by saying your partner laught at you my partner laughts when his doing silly things and abuseing me I dont think its funny at all . Your
      Partner was also controling you as he would not let you do what you wanted to do he was telling you want to do my parnter does the same it’s not nice .

      It’s not nice your partner used to stress you out I do feel for you mine stress me out all the time its horrible.

    • #123838
      ISOPeace
      Participant

      Rosemary I’m sad to say that having read a lot about abuse and realised how much of what my husband does is to control and show he is in control, I’m not shocked by your post. It’s a great topic to raise because it’s definitely the type of thing that might not be seen as abuse. It sounds like you knew it’s not ok even before you posted to ask what others think.

      I’ve been thinking about how despite the fact that we apparently live in a country with sexual equality, look at how many of us are living under severe oppression in our own homes. I don’t think western civilisation is as civilised as it thinks it is.

      I hope you find your way to freedom soon. You deserve so much better than this. Sending love xxxx

    • #123846
      Rosemary
      Participant

      Thank you ISOPeace for comeing forward its right
      What you are saying before I put my post up I thought it was abuse but sometimes I was doubting my self thinking his just being silly it’s been going on for a very long time I thought to my self I need to get this out there and see what other women think because it was going around my head . All of you here have said it is abuse and controling behaviour. I also find this behaviour not normal thing to do . It’s just horrible my partner needs to have some respect and not do thease things.

      Thank you for careing and giveing me advice .my counsellor even told me I deserve better and I dont deserve to live like this .
      Sending you hugs .

    • #123862
      Startingpoint123
      Participant

      Hey lovely.

      I don’t know if this is the same thing but my partner does weird things too. He always scares me, will wait and jump out at me or wait in the dark and scare me, I always tell him not to because I’m so anxious and it really does frighten me but he does it all the time. He always tickles me and I HATE being tickled but he will do it if he doesn’t like my tone of voice or what I say to him. He calls it my “(detail removed by moderator)” for talking back to him. He (detail removed by moderator) all the time and I tell him it hurts me but he says it’s his way of showing love. I can’t think of all the things now but it’s like he gets a kick out of seeing me scared or doing things I don’t like but dresses it up as playful or as a joke when he can see it genuinely unsettles me?

      Sorry if it’s not the same thing you’re talking about. It’s hard distinguishing what’s abuse and what’s abnormal when the behaviours seem so “normal”! Hope you are okay xx

    • #123863
      Watersprite
      Participant

      Thank you for posting this Rosemary it made me think. I knew the physical assault biting rape and threats was wrong I’ve learnt the coerced sex was wrong I understand now the psychological abuse was there and wrong and now this whenever I was on the loo he would create or demand things from me whenever I got in the shower he would come in and sit on the loo and do a poo even though I had asked him not to – it was all control and dominance but I never knew and I never realised I deserved better. I hope you are all doing ok x

    • #123865
      Rosemary
      Participant

      Hello startingpont123

      I am sorry to here what your going thought its
      Not very nice your parnter nows that you get anxious for the things his doing this is why his doing it. He should respect you and listen to your feelings I find my partner is the same he dont listen to me he carry on with his abuse and makeing me feel scared at times I dont tell him any more because when I do tell him he seams to carry on being his normal self which is being abusive abusing me being in control . It’s never right for any man to treat a women like this . What your partner does to you some things are different and some things are the same what my partner does to me my opinion is they never grow up to be a real man once they are abusive and controling its because they now it gets us down and gets to us it’s so wrong none of us lovely ladys should be liveing on egg shells.
      We deserve to be loved and respected at all times it dont cost a thing in life to show some love and respect it in our hearts to do that I wish my partner was like this towards me . It’s like sometimes he can be nice then abusive and controling and aggressive finatural abusive as well . My partner been like this for years I now
      He will not change . I hope you can get some support please contact women aid private chat to help you . Please think about your self you come first your partner understand what his doing his not careing about your anxiety it’s not right you do deserve better just like me .

      Sending you hugs take care of your self

    • #123866
      Rosemary
      Participant

      Hello watersprite

      Your welcome that I put my post up this goes around my head of my partner silly behaviour.
      I am so sorry what your going thought you need your own privacy when your haveing a shower it’s not right what your partner is doing . I would talk to women aid and domestic abuse helpline.to get help and surport you need remember your not alone and you should not have to put up with that other things you mentioned are upsetting for you I do feel for you I got raped years ago it traumatised me . It is all controling behaviour and it’s never okay please talk out to people who can help you hun .

      Sending you hugs

    • #123869
      gettingtired
      Participant

      I don’t know if anyone else gets this but whenever my partner loses something of his, he usually ends up annoyed at me. Or tries to make out it’s because I’m always tidying things away. He’ll keep asking me where it is and expect me to help him find it. Yet when I’ve lost something he barely shows any interest. It’s so selfish.

    • #123882
      Rosemary
      Participant

      I do feel for you gettingtired with men they expect us to think for them .my partner does the same I’ve had to tell him where stuff is sometimes he may get annoyed if he cant find something .with my partner I find he is easy to moan about things ..

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