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    • #126859
      Rosemary
      Participant

      Some days back my partner got abusive at me and my children the things he gets abusive about his elther wants to control what my children need to be doing no what they like to do . He says to all of us that he knows he bottles things up and they come out like his being harsh he said but its true what his saying what his saying is really out of his own control no one elese. What gets me he says to me and my children that we treat him wrong we dont do anything to him . All we want is our own space away from him so if I am in a different room my children come with me it’s always been the way tthat they follow me that’s because they are scared and feel anxious around him but my partner cant see what his doing wrong I now because he is abuser he will just make out that his not done anything wrong and blame it all on to me and my children . His controling behaviour makes me feel sick he wants to use my kids as slaves not for them to enjoy there life going out to play . Being a mom or dad is being there for your children yes as they grow up they can help cleaning do cooking ect but there should be no way that me or my children should feel isolated things we want to do is a problem for my partner. This is not the kind of life I really whish for my mind and hearts not feeling right for a long while I feel worse over time my partner makes me anxiety and depression 10 times worse he is also over prossessive that I cant even get any space to breath he wants me all to his self I want to be set free get my self back together and be me feel like I am me . It’s so horrible this situation makes me feel weak and drains me out every day . My children hate being around there dad but this is why he thinks it’s okay to give abuse all because my children dont want to be in the same room as him they go and do there own things in there own room and my partner does not even think why my children stay in there bedrooms for . I’ve been with my partner for years and his got worse over time the pulplations in my heart are so horrible negative thought in my mind are about my partner behaviour .

    • #126860
      KIP.
      Participant

      No, your partner thinks you will believe him if he says he thinks hes done nothing wrong. He knows exactly what he is doing is wrong but he chooses to do it. Abusers are liars. He sees the pain he inflicts and he carries on. When my ex used to go hill walking I’d pray that he fell off a hill and died. What kind of a way is that to live but it’s the situation we are trapped in x try to stop thinking about his behaviour and concentrate on yours x your health and happiness. Don’t let your life revolve around his x

      • #126916
        ISOPeace
        Participant

        I would add to this that he knows it’s wrong in the eyes of most people, but he thinks it’s ok, because he feels entitled to act however he deems necessary to get you to do what he wants. That’s why it’s so unlikely that abusers will ever change. These are not people who are struggling to change. They have no intention of changing, because they don’t think they need to.

        My ex would say things like (detail removed by moderator). He really seemed to believe that he had no choice in how to act because of whatever his issue was with me. That was one way he made out everything was my fault. He would say that if people didn’t agree with him, it was because they didn’t understand the full extent of what he was having to put up with. I think the people who agreed with him (if it’s even true that they did) either didn’t know the full story or were people who just like to tell him what he wants to hear.

        I think one of steps of getting free is to accept that he thinks in a totally different way. You can use a lot of energy thinking about how unreasonable he is and how terribly he treats you all, but it won’t change what he does. It sounds like in your head you’re trying to fight against his behaviour, but it’s never ending and exhausting. Stopping the fight in your head may feel like giving into the abuse, but it isn’t. You can accept that he will continue to behave this way while at the same time knowing that it’s not ok and you are planning to leave. The best way to not give into the abuse is to use your energy to get yourself fee. I know it’s really hard and it takes time, but you can do it. It’s clear from all your posts that you want to be free and you care deeply about your children. You will get free. xxxx

    • #126862
      gettingtired
      Participant

      It’s really difficult to accept that they purposefully cause all of this drama and problems but they do. It’s very upsetting to learn that the person who is supposed to love and support you the most in life wants to destroy and control you. It’s like waking up from a bad dream realising what has been happening to you. It’s so hard to stay strong whilst living in the abuse. Have a listen to Dr Ramani’s YouTube videos if you’re able to put some headphones in and get away from him 15 minutes. Some of her videos are only 10 minutes long.
      I wish there was an easy option for us to just get out. Have you had any counselling? My only support is this forum but I really want to start therapy with someone who understands domestic abuse xx

    • #126867
      Rosemary
      Participant

      Thank you Kip for careing his behaviour is on my mind all the time I am trying not to think but it’s just there its horrible and I cant believe how many years I’ve been with him because his made me poorly and I’ve waisted my life I now i cant turn back i just hope my furture gets better. Its horrible to live this kind of life .

    • #126868
      Rosemary
      Participant

      So true what your saying gettingtired thank you for telling me about Dr Ramani youtube video I will have a look at that when I get space away from him. I’ve had counselling in the past it’s been so hard geting counselling because my partner comes everywhere with me I have to make up something so I go on my own it’s just redicouls how he wants to hold my hand and go everywhere with me but on the off chance I get time to go out with my children now and then .

      I agree with you I wish there was a easy option just to get out away from our abusers . I also want therapy because I am not copeing with anxiety and depression heart pulplations negative thoughts of my partner being abusive and aggressive controling it plays on my mind . I hope you get some surport soon sending you all my love xx

    • #126928
      Rosemary
      Participant

      Thank you for careing ISOPEACE

      I agree what you are saying every word . All the years I’ve been with him his not changed. He thinks he wants to be the boss of me and my children it’s not right none of us should be liveing like this its horrible.

      I try and understand my parnter behaviour but none of us even understand it I now his not going to change. My partner thinks it’s okay just to take his stress out on us which ain’t right I am so tired of his behaviour it’s just not acceptable . That is right we do use alot of Energy thinking why our partner are abuse or get annoyed and aggressive and controling we just never understand it . I am sorry you been thought a terrible time with your Ex to I hope your geting surport you need Thank you for your surport I really appreciate it .xx

    • #127042
      ladiesand gentlemen
      Participant

      My husband is exactly the same
      He will not take responsibility for anything, blames me for everything that’s happening to HIM ie short of money etc, he does not see he has done anything wrong and sulks if he he gets caught out by anyone !!!!
      He is like a petulant teenager(typical as in the media)
      outside the house and to visitors he shows off, seeming to be the perfect person, then as soon as the person is out of earshot, the moods start again, its always about HIM and how life has done him wrong !!!
      Cares more about possessions than people.
      Stay strong, hold your head up high and know you are stronger than you think

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