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    • #126641
      Rosemary
      Participant

      (detail removed by Moderator) my partner was useing threathing words we have stress in our life with someing and he gets annoyed about it he said that he feels like killing someone .he said his trying to keep calm but he cant when stress is in the way .he said how you expect me to keep calm . Useing thease threathing words ain’t right and I now he wants to make me feel scared but saying things like this is not going to make the problem go away . It’s just horrible hereing it .

      I wanted to go out to get to fresh air with my children my partner said he wanted to come I cant seam to get any space go places on my own with my children he had to come everywhere with me when we are out I get no piece because he always goes on about different things and I just want to rest my head. How can I say that he cant come with me because he will just get abusive. Everyone deserves some space and time to there self it’s so draining.

      My Advocate email me she going to give me my options and choices next week I am so scared .

    • #126643
      Hawthorn
      Participant

      Stay strong Rosemary, you can do this. You are moving forward all the time, keep the focus on you, your children, and getting to safety. Of course you’re scared, as you know, everything he’s saying to to frighten you. It’s not that he’s stressed, it’s that he wants you to be terrified. If you can make a person afraid, you can control them. Not allowing you any time to yourself is also control. The fear and control make us feel we are trapped and can’t leave, but you will escape this. Feeling scared in this situation is totally normal, and there can be energy in it. When I left my partner I was so scared I could have run a marathon fast enough to qualify for the Olympics!
      I don’t know how you say to him about needing space without him getting more abusive towards you honestly as it sounds as though every time you stand up to him he gets worse, and your priority now is to stay safe until you escape. I used to get up very early in the morning before he woke up and sneak out of bed to have an hour or so of peace before my abuser got up, or take longer in the shower (with the door locked) just to have some time to myself.
      Breathe deep. Feel the fear, and act anyway. I know you’re scared to leave, but he has you living in terror if you stay too. Getting out of this situation is road to peace and freedom.You can do this, and we’re all here for you.
      Sending strength and a big hug xx

    • #126650
      Rosemary
      Participant

      Thank you hawthorn for your support it means alot to me . I just feel physically and mentally worn out of my parnter behaviour it makes me feel so weak and tired feeling sick with tummyake I have a constance worry about things and it’s all down to my partner the things he puts us thought it’s a nightmare for example with bills he fails to pay them there lots of dets his got him self in to . He makes us struggle that worry me alone. His in control of everything it’s not right . His finatural abusive he makes me and my children go with out things we need it’s so upsetting it gets me down. There been some days I want to run away things get to much . Every day lately my partner gets abusive goes on and on about things it’s so draining and I can’t even have space on my own. Me and my children have had enuff of his behaviour my children dont want to be around him one of my children she follows me everywhere she will not sit downstairs with her dad unless I am there this really hurts me so much how her dad has made her feel his gave her abusive not long ago and she remembers it . I dont call this being a father he has a issue which his not geting help for aswell he can easy fix his anger also if he gets help but he dont want to get help .but being abusive and aggressive controling is not a illness and what gets me he nows what his doing and he nows it is wrong because his admitted to me what his doing is wrong but he carry on doing it he see that he gives me a headache when he goes on and on and then he ask me what is wrong with me and trys to be nice to me after it’s not right everything is just draining me out I’ve suffered so much over the years I cant take anymore I feel so emotional in my heart . When i take a shower i stay in there long to try and relax it dont always help but to stay away from him longer helps me abit . I feel sick to my tummy with on going stress. Thank you for being here for me hun I just feel tottaly lost at the moment. Xx

    • #126655
      Hawthorn
      Participant

      Of course you feel worn out Rosemary, you’re living in a nightmare situation would wear anyone out. It’s a sign of what a strong person you are that you have endured this horrific treatment for so long and can still be such a loving mother to her children. You need to gather that strength now and focus it on your escape. You are not living with a partner or a father- you are living with an horrible abuser and you owe it to yourself and your children to get away from him. Your instinct to run away is the right one, could you seek emergency accommodation in a refuge and do exactly that? I think the people on the women’s aid live chat can help with refuge options if you didn’t want to wait til next week to speak to your advocate.

      You will escape this. The day will come when you and your children live in a peaceful home, free of fear and abuse. You can make it happen. Hold onto that hope and take the very best care of you and yours. Sending strength and a big hug xx

    • #126656
      Hawthorn
      Participant

      Try to remember all you have had the strength to put up with to get to this point. Don’t give up now. The best days of your life are still ahead of you xx

    • #126668
      Rosemary
      Participant

      Thank you hawthorn it’s so true I’ve put up with so much over the years and even thoe my parnter made me physically and mentally worn out feeling sick to my tummy and draining me out of his abusive and anger at me I’ve still been here for my children and made sure they are safe and happy even thoe we live in this horrible environment. My hands are shakeing terrible I’ve got anxiety and depressed because if my partner even thoe I feel scared I am being strong for my children .

      It’s so true what you are saying my partner is not being one also his not being a farther just an abuser like you said . Thank you for your comfort and surport it means every to me giveing me positive thoughts as well about me leaveing gives me comfort thank you so much hawthorn. I am falling apart in side my heart I am not showing it but I feel it inside .

      Thank you for sending me strength and big hugs bless your heart. Xx

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