My past violent and abusive relationship is affecting my new relationship

[Anonymous]

My previous relationship lasted for (detail removed by Moderator). The last (detail removed by Moderator) gradually got worse…(detail removed by Moderator) ago i had to get a job as my children were getting older and he wasnt supporting us. My new job was wonderful but he hated it because i was liked and got on really well with everyone. The hours were long but i didnt care because i loved the job…The relationship had ended but i aloud him to stay in the home for the sake of the kids..by (detail removed by Moderator) i had enough and had to get a court order to have him removed. I am now in a new relationship with a wonderfull man i have known for a few yrs. The problem is my ex’s poison is still in my system and i find myself questioning everything and being jelouse and accusing…Is this just me or has anyone else suffered the same thing?? I feel like im going mad as my new relationship is so good but i keep looking for somthing that isnt even there….please let me know if you had the same thing and if you can get over it…i am scared that i will ruin this and end up alone.

[AlienStalker]

My past relationship was a lot like that, I think I pushed him to extremes on occasions and he would do things my ex used to do. We both drank a lot and I would lash out while drunk and not remember a thing I said or did and in the morning regret my actions while drunk but it fell into a bad routine. He put up with a lot. I still have issues but they are not so bad now I think it just takes time. You are bound to have issues after that amount of time. It does get better though honestly

[Anonymous]

Ijust feel like i have turned into the abuser….and it upsets me dreadfully to know im doing that to somone i love…

[AlienStalker]

I think for me it was just pushing to see how much it would take to make him snap but mostly when I had been drinking. I would check his emails and his Facebook just to see what he was up to.

What have you done for example? He must be one of the good ones if he has stayed as it can’t be easy for either of you. I think for me I expected the constant fights and arguments and when they didn’t happen I was lost

[Anonymous]

I think your situation is different to mine as there is alcolhol involved…mine is sober mental and emotional..

[Suntree]

I still get triggered by the same type of things my abusers would do.

I recognize these things as triggers and this allows me to step back a bit and give my OH some space to be himself and for me to get used to the way things are.
For instance would be great at making promises and not keeping them, or saying we could have family days out that we wanted and then making them hell.
I still struggle with my new partner over things when he says we will do something to see if it will actually happen and it is hard.
But knowing my triggers and doing the freedom program on what a good person does, having good friends to talk to and re learning what good behaviors are has helped me so much. It means I can tell my OH when he is being s****y or unfair but I can also take a breath when I am the one being unfair too.

This is rather than walk from one abuse relationship into another which I did in the past. Basically I left good people because I had everything the wrong way around.

Now I think, I hope I have finally got it the right way around. I am still learning

[Anonymous]

What is OH?

[Author]

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