My son

[Dragonfly]

I’ve had a terrible weekend. Long story short my son was verbally abusive to me (detail removed by moderator) then he threw something at my wall causing a hole and punched my wardrobe door causing a crack. Police were called, all calmed down. (Detail removed by moderator) it’s escalated, he’s actually got physical, grabbed me, pushed me, hand over my mouth, called me names. The police are out looking for him. He’s smashed a window and wrecked my wardrobe door.

I don’t know what to do. He’s my child and I love him. I was really scared today and it triggered me, took me back to what that evil ex did.

[KIP.]

Not sure what age he is but you cannot deal with this kind of behaviour on your own. Yes, I know you love him, but your love won’t protect you from harm. It’s time to let the professionals intervene. He needs help that you can’t give him at the moment. It’s okay to reach out for help. My sons behaviour mirrored his fathers on occasion. You did the right thing by involving the police. He needs to learn accountability. You need to get your own mental health under control before you can deal with him. Perhaps ring the helpline and speak to one of the wonderful ladies for more advice x

[Dragonfly]

I know and thank you kip. I’m sitting here crying my eyes out. (Detail regarding age removed by moderator). He stole my band card the other day and withdrew money, I’ve cancelled the card. Hes wrecked my home a bit. My poor cat’s just come out of hiding! I can’t believe what he’s done. I’m going over it doubting it actually happened.

[Dragonfly]

I’m feel embarrassed and ashamed. This is worse than a partner attacking me. I’ve really no one to talk to, my family live miles away. I did speak to my brother and he is supportive but I think my son’s going to be taken away now. I don’t feel safe

[KIP.]

You absolutely need to put your safety first. My son went off with my abuser. We can only do the best we can, it’s not our fault. It’s time your son learns that he cannot abuse you this way and expect you to sit back and take it. Get some help from women’s aid and maybe the NSPCC helpline. I had to just let it get taken out of my hand and admit I couldn’t cope and keep myself safe. Hopefully long term he will realise his behaviour will cost him your support, it’s ok to keep loving our children and even to forgive them but not to allow that behaviour to continue around you. My son knows he’s welcom in my life, under my terms and conditions and they don’t include abusive behaviour. Sending you a big hug and lots of support. You will get through this. We cannot mother and protect them forever.

[Dragonfly]

I agree. If the police don’t pick him up they’re coming here at 8am tomorrow to arrest him. I don’t even know if he’ll come home. This has never happened before.

[KIP.]

Could your son go and live with a relative? Maybe your brother, until things settle down. They seem to behave differently around others and perhaps your brother will show him the consequences x

[KIP.]

Maybe he can get fast track counselling. Explain he’s a child of an abuser and see if there is an organisation that can intervene. Maybe putting him in front of a children’s panel will open doors for him. It’s a terrible sting in the tail for us and them. Keep trying women’s Aid x

[Dragonfly]

My brother works away a lot so couldn’t stay there. I don’t think he’s going to stay at home after this. I’ll see what the police say. I’m sure social services will have to be involved. That’s never happened before either.

[Iwantmeback]

Oh Dragonfly my heart is breaking for you. I’ve seen that rage in my son too, he doesnt live with us, left to go and live with his dad in his early teens but the damage has been done. Plus I’ve only recently realised that his dad and sisters behaviour to him has been just as abusive but in other ways. The collateral damage sometimes it’s too much to bear, but what choice do we have. Your son needs help, hopefully it will ‘fix’ him. He’s seen too much, had too much done to him and around him. This is his way of dealing with it but he’s continuing the cycle. I know it breaks your heart, I’m sobbing writing this to you, because I know my son isn’t far from there, my daughter neither. Kip has been through this too. Maybe in time the professionals will see the whole picture of DA and DV , until then we are the only ones who get it, we are the only ones who can educate them and society. One day, everyone will not tolerate abusive behaviour towards anyone or anything, until then, we can only change people’s perceptions one baby step by baby step.
Sending big hug to you, no-one knows this heartache like we do.
IWMB 💞💞

[diymum@1]

see what happens (detail regarding age removed by moderator) apparently kids act out like this because they dont know how to problem solve. its not that they really want to behave like this they dont know how to control their emotions. with lots of help he can get through this – there must be specific therapy for him. i hope so, they say simply incarcerating young adults isnt the answer xx i enede up sending my daughter to her dads i couldnt cope with her aggression but i wish i could find a way to help her. the problem is shes in denial x*x i hope you get some resolve not an easier senario xx love diymum

[Author]

Posts