3rd March 2021 at 1:08 am #122641StrivingandsurvivingParticipant
I don’t know what to do. Ive recently moved back in with my stepdad. It’s complicated but long story short he use to be really abusive to my mum (and me physically and sexually I guess but I’m only starting to realise it) so we moved abroad for a while when I was younger. I came back to the uk a few years later. My mum died so I went to live with my dad. He has a girlfriend. They’ve been together for years but she’s never liked me. I finished uni (detail removed by moderator) and had to move back in with them. It was very toxic so I ended up getting back in contact with my stepdad. A few months later I moved in with him.
It was ok at first. But then he got quite controlling and wouldn’t let me out much. Work was really the only place I went. Then the first lockdown happened. I worked less hours so I ended up spending most of my time at home. He also was at home a lot so things got bad quite quickly. He started drinking a lot and would become physically and verbally aggressive. Without going into too much detail he would also make me do sexual things with him.
When lockdown started easing I started doing more hours at work. One of my colleagues noticed something was up. It took awhile but I ended up trusting her and told her what was going on. She offered for me to stay with her, but I declined. She then said I should go to another family members house, I said I couldn’t just leave. So she suggested taking something’s over gradually. After (detail removed by moderator) I went into work with a few bruises. I covered them up the best I could. But she noticed and asked me about it. She said that I needed to leave ASAP and told me to go to that family members home. I didn’t want to let her down because she had really looked out for me and I also didn’t want to stay there anymore so I decided to leave.
He rang down my phone constantly. Even when I blocked his number he would call on no called id. He sent a letter to the house I was staying at. He even used to wait at the told of the street sometimes. I was really scared of him so I ended up staying at different friends homes. I never told them what was going on. It was quite normal for me to sleepover (before moving in with my stepdad) so there was no need to tell them. But then Covid restrictions mad things more difficult and I ended up going back to my stepdads. That was a few months ago. Just like before it started off good and now I’m back to trending on egg shells.
I don’t have the money or a place to go to move out so I know that’s not an option. I just feel so alone and trapped. The only one who knew what was going on is my work colleague. I barely see her now because of covid but even if I did I feel like I cant tell her Incase I disappoint her. I’ve been furloughed for a while now (detail removed by moderator), I have a black eye, a swollen lip and some bruises (detail removed by moderator). It’s not that bad but I’m so embarrassed for anyone else to see at work. Part of me wants to phone in sick part of me knows that’ll mean staying with him for longer.
Sorry for the rant and just really needed to get that out.
4th March 2021 at 8:58 am #122726LisaMain Moderator
I just wanted to show you some support. I am sorry to hear about your situation. Your stepdad is very abusive to you, and I am concerned for your safety. Please make an appointment to see your GP to get any injuries checked out. It’s not ok for him to pressure you into doing sexual things with him, you could speak to Rape crisis for some support.
You could consider going into a refuge which is a safe house for women https://www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/what-is-a-refuge-and-how-can-i-stay-in-one/
Please keep reaching out to your work colleague for support. There are also local domestic abuse services who can offer you some ongoing support too https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/
You do have options, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (weekdays 10am – 4pm and 10am – 12pm weekends). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/
Take care and please keep posting to let us know how you are,
5th March 2021 at 12:47 am #122767gettingtiredParticipant
Hello strivingandsurviving, just wanted to show some support.
It’s so terrible what you’re going through and you don’t deserve any of it.
Like Lisa said, please do reach out for some support. Women’s aid won’t force you into doing anything but it will help you to just speak to someone and get some advice and the support you deserve.
Would you consider letting management or HR know what’s going on? It might take a bit of pressure off from you worrying of what you’re going to say to work.
It’s good your work colleague has been supportive, please don’t feel like you’ve disappointed them. You can only do things at your own pace. Please do reach out for support and keep posting on the forum. Sending a virtual hug 💕
5th March 2021 at 8:14 pm #122790ScapegoatParticipant
You poor thing, I hope you manage to reach out and get the support you so very deserve. Could work support you with this, most HRs are very good nowadays and DA is on the increase and more employers have access to resources?
Please find the courage to tell your work friend. You haven’t let her down. I can understand why you would feel embarrassed but there really is no need, you haven’t done anything wrong. This man has abused his position in your family and is completely taking advantage of you.
Are you able to email your local WA or the online live chat is v helpful and supportive on here.That way he wouldn’t hear you but you could get some support.
This man cannot keep doing this to you. Have you tried contacting the police? I just wondered if something had put you off involving them. You would have a very clear case as no one deserves this.
I truly hope you when you are ready that you find the courage to leave as you cannot live your life like this.
Keep posting, it helps. Sending love 💕
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