My story. Am I overthinking?

[GnomeAlone]

Hi everyone,
I’m new here and I would like to share my story, because I feel like I’m going crazy and holding on to grudges.

So I met my partner many, many years ago. We kinda hit it off quite quickly. So first bad experience he told me that his (detail removed by Moderator) had offered to pay so we could have (detail removed by Moderator), but I needed to get them in my name as he had no credit (stupidly I did this) sure enough I never got the money paid to me and he was (detail removed by Moderator) so the debt shot up. I have just managed to finish paying it off.
He made me get an overdraft and credit card with my bank (detail removed by Moderator).
Then next thing was he told me he had (detail removed by Moderator) children with his ex-wife, he then told me (detail removed by Moderator). I got pregnant and he basically threatened to leave if I terminated it. (I didn’t want children as I wasn’t in the right place financially or mentally). But I kept the baby (I love my son to bits) he is now technically an adult but will always be my boy, I just wish I could’ve given him a better life growing up.
I can’t work as he accuses me of sleeping with any male colleagues and even ones I never worked around.
He doesn’t want to work, he deliberately has got himself fired on several occasions.
I’m not allowed to go out alone, he always has to be there, I have a handful of friends I talk to online and he’s constantly asking me what we’re talking about and what we are doing. I admit I do talk to them a lot but I get to be myself with them and not have to worry about not being good enough. He has tried to push them away by saying nasty things in the background when he knew they could hear him.
I have 1 close friend I talk to online a lot, he’s (detail removed by Moderator) and we have (detail removed by Moderator) online for (detail removed by Moderator) years and it was him that suggested getting in touch with someone to see if he is really controlling and keeping me trapped.
He has tried to push my (detail removed by Moderator) friend away super hard and (detail removed by Moderator) friend has said it’s because he wants to keep me isolated.
So, am I over thinking and holding on to grudges from years ago?

[Lisa]

Hello GnomeAlone,

I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your experience with us, it sounds like you’re going through so much.

You’re not overthinking, your partners behaviour sounds very controlling and emotionally and financially abusive. It’s never okay to stop someone from seeing or speaking to friends and isolating them from others.

I’m glad that you’re starting to talk about what’s going on for you and I hope you find the forum a supportive place to be.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Camel]

Hi GnomeAlone,

Welcome to the forum. I’m glad you took your friend’s advice to seek out support. You’ve come to the right place.

Your partner has abused you in one way or another from the start, emotionally and financially. He controls every aspect of your life so now you find yourself living a tiny, isolated existence. So yes, he has isolated you to control you.

You have the absolute right to put your happiness first. You may feel trapped but there will be a way out, if you want.

[GnomeAlone]

Thank you both for your replies, it’s comforting knowing I’m not thinking too harshly.
Sorry for putting too many personal details in my post Lisa I hope I do better this time.

I’m slowly and carefully looking into my options. It’s kind of hard to do because I get questioned all the time especially if I am typing a lot or something. I am also talking to someone professional, I have my first session soon. So I will be able to share more details with them.

I have no family, so all I have is my couple of friends online, they have been brilliant and have offered help to get me out, if I choose to.I am worried what my boy is going to think, but he is old enough to make his own mind up, so all I can do is try to explain a little.

[Author]

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