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    • #8914
      Ellen b
      Participant

      I’m not quite sure if this is in the right place apologises if not
      Also might be a trigger for some I need to get this out of my mind and strangely I’m starting at the end

      I came home from work 1 evening he wants to talk ..I don’t love u anymore but we can still live together for the children… I just stand there what??? Why ??? Of course I just agree while trying to work out what’s going on… A week or so later I’m going to start seeing someone il be discrete the kids won’t find out..it turns out she is a neighbour a close neighbour and so the sneaking starts he is very up front with me I’m seing her tonight but he is discrete and kids don’t know (well they know somethings up ) …simply he’s having his cake and eating it I’m still the wife cooking cleaning he going over to her for drinks and ??? (with a drink problem not great)his attitude is getting worse and to add to the stress I’m losing my job redundancy (turned out to be the best thing to happen) things are going along like this I not coping he doesn’t care he’s happy but he isn’t she has a male friend he doesn’t like that and his attitude get worse and thee police are called to her property he’s arrested well the secrets out and I have to put up with a heartbroken him moping about that is until she has him back I ask him to leave if he wants her do it properly …that didn’t go well i wasn’t beaten that night but it came close…I got my new job and loved (detail removed by moderator) …I got some of my confidence back and said that as our other child would be home (detail removed by moderator and my other child belived all was OK that he should not see her (detail removed by moderator) if he wanted to maintain the charade he suddenly had to go shopping surprisingly so did she not 2 mins later..I confronted him it didn’t go well there was shouting the kids found out what was happening and he left moved in with her it was horrible(detail removed by moderator) he wheedled his way back in spent some time  with us for the kids and while I was at work he was coming over see the kids …again he having best of both worlds…he then turned nice ..nice txts doing jobs my head is a mess I don’t want him back but I can’t cope alone (I see now that he wasn’t letting me cope he didn’t want to lose that hold over me) it all got to much I considered suicide I even wrote the notes I was posting them when he saw me took me home stayed with me moved back in to look after me 2 days later the drinking started the arguments started but this time my child was in he stood in front of me to stop his dad hitting me I stood in front of him to protect him suddenly I realised enough was enough I rang 999 he calmed down by the time the police came all was OK he moved back in with her and I slowly pulled myself together perhaps I could cope alone my new job and friends I’d made helped so much (he’d lost some of his power over me) (detail removed by moderator) went by I got a txt from him he needed somewhere to stay he knew I’d not have him back but if he could stop until he got something sorted a few days silly me I said yes just for a few days looking back now I can see it was never for just a few days but I couldn’t see it..the the drinking starts and the alarm bells start to ring feet and seen this build up too many times I’m home alone with him I decide to leave (detail removed by moderator)he was the angriest I had ever seen him I knew I was in trouble screaming at me throwing things I ring 999 but he gets the phone off me before it connects throws it at the wall then it all starts I was hit punched pushed and thrown then suddenly I’m on the bed he’s on top of me pining me down and he’s crying pleading with me to stay (detail removed by moderator) I said no I’m leaving he changed just like that the attack restarted I managed to get down stairs to the phone 999 again he again got the phone off me (it connected this time but I didn’t know) I knew I had to get out I really thought this was it he’d kill me I had visions of my son coming in finding me I fought back I got out the house no shoes no jumper strappy top ran to a neighbours house he got in between us I ran to the phone box 999 again I was talking to the police when he found me I was terrified I was telling them he’s found me please hurry when he dragged me out of the phone box dragging me home telling me that I’m stupid when the police come you will tell them nothings wrong my feet and body were so sore and bruised but I kept fighting I didn’t know what would happen if he got me back in the house the police came before he got me home thank God he was arrested and charged bailed to another address not allowed to contact me in any way..he pleaded guilty and was given a suspended jail sentence and restraining order my freedom begins

      Xx

    • #8918
      Moon
      Participant

      What a brave brave lady you are and I’m so sorry that you went through such a horrific time.

      I hope in time you heal and enjoy your freedom.

      I felt like I was with you during part of your journey 😢

      Big hugs to you x*x

    • #8948
      Ayanna
      Participant

      Suspended jail sentence. That is what they do with men. They protect them. You are lucky that you escaped. But the male entitled patriarchy does not acknowledge that. Suspended jail sentence …..
      Enjoy your freedom.
      Hmm, I was in similar situations. That never leaves us.
      I hope you can heal.
      Big hugs!

    • #8965
      Ellen b
      Participant

      Thank you x
      I’m getting better day by day some days very slowly but il not let him control me any more I may never be “normal” but iv made a start iv broken my silence it’s very scary but also very liberating
      Take care xx

    • #8966
      Savingmyself
      Participant

      You have been through so much and you got away now it’s your time to heal
      And enjoy your life
      Big hugs xx

    • #8968
      undertherainbow
      Participant

      Good on you Ellen, it sounds like you’ve really been through it. A quote I’ve found help me a lot is… If you’re going through hell, keep going.

      xx

    • #11140
      Ellen b
      Participant

      Iv been thinking a lot about when it all started ..I don’t know about you ladies but iv forgotten.. No that’s wrong buried..so much of what happened to me it’s only now that iv started to “remember” what he actually did yes there was the violence but there was so much more… the sulking and if you loved Me you would to get sex when and how he wanted it there was no stopping untill he’d finnished with no regard to my feelings to the point when it was just easier to lie back and think of England than to object but it didn’t start out like this when did change and why didn’t I notice..I have a new partner now and many times he says and does things, nice things and he’s like nobody’s said or done that to you before have they? because I don’t know how to react it’s like iv been reprogrammed to belive that live with my ex was the norm how did he do that???

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