My **

[Blondexxxx]

Hi
Really just wanted an opinion or someone to talk too…
So it was (detail removed by moderator), and I woke up and I barley got a (detail removed by moderator).

I had booked the day off work as I didn’t want to be working on my day off. I had a few treatments booked in for some tlc…as my partner told me he was taking me for a meal with the kids that day in the evening.

I was rushing for the school run so I grabbed my (detail removed by moderator) and my bag and left l, I then got a message saying why have you taken your (detail removed by moderator) with you?
I knew straight away as usual I was going to be accused of doing something.

After a long time together I have never ever cheated or done anything wrong. I don’t even go out if it’s not with the kids. I don’t drink anymore and I never stay out away etc

(detail removed by moderator)

Anyway I eventually got unblocked and got a message saying be ready for such a time as we are setting off, so I said that was fine and I would be home in the next hour.

Bear in mind my partner had bought me nothing for (detail removed by moderator), so all I was looking forward to was this meal!

I got home and he was wrecked! He had been drinking (detail removed by moderator)

I burst into tears! If any effort was going to be shown then tonight would have meant effort!

(detail removed by moderator)

Little things mean a lot to me and (detail removed by moderator) was just the same as every year, ruined over him getting drunk! Or being horrible and causing an argument!

I ended up staying in and felt so angry and upset I couldn’t even speak to him I just cried myself to sleep.
When I woke up I saw he had gambled a further (detail removed by moderator)!!

I just felt sick. We are a family and all he ever does is put me down saying it’s his house or he works more hours than me but it’s me who spends all my money on the kids myself, I can’t leave as I have no where to go and can’t afford to buy my own house.

I sometimes feel I want to leave when I’m getting the silent treatment or being told I’m useless or can’t do anything right but then he starts being nice (never apologies) just acts like nothing had happened and I just go along with it as I went to be a family.

So then I think will I feel worse if I leave, but I’m so unhappy and I just feel he had no respect for me at all for (detail removed by moderator).
It was (detail removed by moderator), and he couldn’t even show me any respect at all

(detail removed by moderator) he has felt sorry for himself and not even apologised once!
He’s gone working away (detail removed by moderator) and he hasn’t even sent a message to apologise or even say sorry. So usualy I would want to text him but I finished work and I feel so drained I don’t know what I feel anymore but I haven’t text I just feel like crying and going to sleep.

[Lisa]

Hi Blondexxxx,

I’m so sorry that you had what should have been a special day ruined for you. Abusers commonly deliberately do this, spoiling occasions with a need to be the focus and have control over what others are feeling.

It’s completely understandable that you would be so upset by his behaviour. I think most people would hold out at least a little hope of being treated with respect and even effort being made, and to have that extinguished yet again must have been devastating.

Those times when he’s being nice are part of the abuse too. Like you say, when he’s giving you the silent treatment or constantly criticising, it’s easier to think about leaving, which is why abusers will change their behaviour to being nice sometimes. Abusers don’t like to lose their control and making it hard for you to leave is a big part of that.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Author]

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