14th November 2023 at 10:13 am #163165CaterpillarbutterflyParticipant
Is name-calling on its own abuse? I don’t even know any more.
It has gotten a lot worse over the years… or maybe I just didn’t want to acknowledge how bad it was… I am sick of being told on a regular basis that I am fat and stupid (detail removed by moderator)
I have gained a lot of weight since my child was born. Not all of it pregnancy weight, unfortunately some (a lot) of it is from comfort eating. I’ve tried various diets over the years but only ever ended up fatter. He used to call me fat in arguments even when I wasn’t, but now it’s become more of a weapon… he’ll call me fat and useless during arguments, but also just digs in normal conversation (detail removed by moderator)
I can’t just organise our lives so that he never gets angry, because his stress level is continually up to max so even small things will set him off.
I’m aware that even if I lose weight it won’t stop the name-calling, because he used to use fat as an insult when I was thin. A couple of years ago I managed to stick to a diet for about 6 months and lost 8kg, towards the end of that I still got a massive diatribe about being morbidly obese, too fat and stupid to do anything, etc. I started eating normally again and put even more weight on.
However… I’m very, very depressed about it now because unfortunately now I *am* fat. The insults and names are making me feel atrocious about myself and it’s not motivating me to get thinner, it’s just making me feel horrendous. (detail removed by moderator)
There are days when I want to die so that I can’t become any fatter. I have no option but to soldier on though because I have my child to think about. Maybe once my child is an adult and leaves home though…
14th November 2023 at 2:00 pm #163171HappybelleParticipant
Horrible man. Feel for you – this is awful. Absolutely should not be being called names. I’m not able to offer anything helpful I don’t think other than thinking of you.
19th November 2023 at 1:54 pm #163349Sad and aloneParticipant
Yes it is verbal abuse. No one should be told things like this, certainly not by someone who’s meant to be your person in life and is meant to love you. I get told I am stupid and a moron, and it’s just the way I am. I am so sick of it and can sympathise with how you feel. They think this will motivate you into becoming the person they want you to be (who would then have something else wrong with them to criticise). I’m sorry and appreciate how upsetting it is.
I don’t know how overweight you are but maybe you could start taking walks to get started? Maybe where you’d take a vehicle and it’s doable, walk instead. It’s a gentle exercise so you can do as much or little as you feel able. Maybe it’ll give you time to yourself and find some enjoyment in being outside. Take care x
19th November 2023 at 9:03 pm #163370swanlakeParticipant
Name calling is verbal abuse and so is being set off by the smallest things. I get easily frustrated by little things but I don’t take it out on my family, I find other ways of dealing with things and have learned to let many things go. I’m a carer for various family members and there’s lots to get annoyed about but I don’t want to hurt them.
Please do take very good care of yourself and do things just for you. You deserve every happiness.
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