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    • #15074

      He keeps calling me a baby whale. He asked me if I was hungry and said a little bit. (Very specific detail removed by moderator)

      He also said that our children will be very well fed (I’m not pregnant btw). When I questioned him about what he said, he looked at me (in a jokey way) and sid I think you need to look in the mirror. I just laughed (coyly) and said well what do you mean and he said well do not think they’ll take your appetite? I diffused the sitaution by saying yh they might but they might take after you and eat in bits during the day. Thankfully this convo stopped and we continued working.

      I’ve only eaten a banana and an orange and a cup of herbal tea all day. (detail removed by moderator). I wear size 8 clothing (can even fit into 6 tops sometimes). People have even told me in the past that I need to put on a bit of weight.

      He uses this as a pet ‘joke’ name because when I was born, I was quite an oversised baby (but still cute nonetheless 🙂 ). But now, I actually have a BMI that says I’m underweight and I struggle to put on weight as much as I try.

      I didnt mind the pet name before but now I know he’s an abuser – I hate it. He won’t let me cook and there’s nothing I can eat that doesn’t require cooking.

      Is this all abuse aswell?

    • #15080

      Yes, it is abuse. These abusers make me so angry.

      My ex called me Pumpkin for years- then I realised that in a certain programme he liked, the wife was called Pumpkin when she put weight on.

      You sound a slim lady to me, and even if you weren’t, he has no right to talk to you this.

      I think it is precisely because you look so slim that he is trying to wreck your confidence. He doesn’t want you to feel attractive, so you stay with him. My ex would always put me down when I looked my best.

      These abusers are such cowards, they make hints and innuendos. What I want to ask is: are they themselves that physically perfect? Xxxx

    • #15083
      Falling Skys

      Omg your a skinny minny, unless you’re only two foot tall.

      Think he needs his eyes tested as well well as a brain transplant.

      Mine was always calling me names, posh, up myself, etc.

      I was the same weight as you and have recently put on almost a stone. When I was weighed at the doctors the other week, I said I know I put on weight. And I was told yes you were to thin before…

      They are always trying to undermine your confidence so they can control you. If you feel bad about yourself your an easy target.

      I wasn’t allowed to cook either or make a drink with out an issue. God help me if I said I was still hungry. He made sure that he and our son ate before I got in, and I have to eat different things than them. Some of the meals made me ill. He would stand over me saying I ate disgustingly.

      I use to hide food and eat on the quiet it’s not ideal but you need to get more inside you before you are suffering from an eating disorder. I do think he was just trying to make me fade away.

      I’m so pleased that you have realised that what he is doing is abuse it’s the first step to freedom.

      FS xx

      • #15085

        yes FallingSky,

        If I eat food that is crunchy, I’m supposedly eating too loud, have no manners, greedy etc. I have tried to put on weight – I did put on a stone over the past year but since staying with him for 1 week – I’ve lost half a stone. He claims its because of ‘good food’ and that we eat healthily but I have warned him that I need to be atleast a stone heavier to be healthy. He won’t let me cook. We only eat once in the day aside from eating fruits for breakfast. I don’t think this healthy in my mind.

        He’s not concerned though. If I’m slim – I’m a a baby whale. If I put on weight, I’m a ‘beached whale’. I’m not even normal weight and like you said even if I was overweight what business of that is his? There’s no need to call someone a whale because just because he doesn’t like the way they look. If I put on the slighest bit of weight I’m geting ‘fat’and he always says he I mean w*f?

        The only time I get to eat what I want is if I go back to my mums. I know its not good but it’s like I binge eat because I won’t get a chance to when I’m with him.

    • #15094
      Main Moderator

      Hi Whathaveidone,

      I am sorry to read your post. I just wanted to confirm that what you are experinecing is domestic abuse. He is trying to make you doubt yourself and loose confidence. You are clearly a very slender lady and you should be able to be happy and heathy in your body. Please phone the helpline soon to talk about your situation, he sounds like a very unplesent man. Is there any way you could get back to staying with your Mum and going no contact from him? You deserve to be happy.

      Best wishes,


      • #15214

        Hi Lisa, Thanks for respnding. It’s like I’m going crazy in my mind. I’ve been having tummy aches and eadaches just thinking over my situation. I could stay with my mum but the thing is he knows where she lives and he’s made his brother live with us aswell.

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