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    • #18494

      Hi ladies, can you remind me ( those of you who did read it) what the title of the book is, which talks about reality 1 and reality 2 (sorry I sound so vague) and also the author?

      I remember someone recommended it.

      And while talking about books, I often wonder what men would write if they were to come on a forum like this one, or what they would think about what we write…

      My husband had a strange reaction recently where he was coming down the stairs as I was coming back home and I had o ly just shut the front door. There is a wall with an obscured glass panel dividing the front hall and the inner one, and I noticed his silhouette as he stopped coming down and stood a few steps up…waiting while semi hidden for me to get past, which I found bizare. I was searching for some items in my bag so I stood inside the front hall right near the door and he didn’t carry on going down the stairs. It took a while for me to find my items and I kept looking the the obscure glass panel thinking he is bound to finish coming down the stairs but he didn’t. I went past and asked why he was stop there higher on the stairs and his reply was “waiting for you, I find you bizare anyway”
      I don’t understand this…do you?
      I often wonder how people find him at work. When I listen to him on the phone he sounds really cold, very matter of fact. It’s actually quite unnerving.
      I have seen my old lady and she listens to me. She tries to teach me detachment. I try to practice it. Without knowing, I already tried doing that instinctively over the years. She says the price to pay for detachment is a sense of hurt.
      Not being recognized.
      I focus on my business. The flooding on social media is working. That’s one good thing. I have wonderful comments on my work but I find it hard to accept them, I recognise co-dependency signs in me…how sad to have lived my life with such shadows hovering over me.
      I have everything to make me happy including good health for my age, but I don’t know what happiness is. I feel guilty and responsible for the effects of domestic abuse and violence on my kids who retaliate against me. They don’t do that to him. I feel like a bad parent when I loose my temper…so I teach myself detachment. The next learning palliative phase of my life to avoid divorce to loose all we worked for. Difficult decision.
      In the meantime I am more and more aware of who he is but can’t clearly anticipate and guarantee the future with him. Would it get worse? What if I say nothing, absolutely nothing, and pretend happiness, bring a glass of wine to him and sit to watch tv…we live ignoring each other. Bizare. He says nothing. Now and again I break the silence and my frustration fumes out. I can’t create a dialogue. It explodes. He wants his dialogue, not mine, his is based on ignoring the past, his attitude and moving on as he calls it.

      While I was at the refuge I had texts, emails, pictures. I never answered, I was devoid of reactions, emotions, I brushed his messages to one side, thought how bizare he was. But since I have been back, it’s me who has to make the efforts he says, prove to him I love him…
      The dialogue is non existent. I persist holding grudges. He hates that and bllames me, uses that against me.
      It’s so weird.
      I live during the day and shut down in the is evening when he is back. It’s weird and surreal. He is a zombie, no talk, no smile, no fun, no emotion.
      I am the heart of this home, he is the permanent graveyard.

      So what would men think of our writing on this forum, and what would they say???

      Reality 1 versus reality 2… Are all men that way?

      Sorry I ramble, it’s part of the symptoms of feeling isolated and mainly extremely lonely, every day. So hard to bear this loneliness…

    • #18502

      Hi, the author of the book is Patrica Evans I have two of hers one is called the verbally abusive man can he change the other the verbally abusive relationship both are excellant reads and give examples of the weird behaviour and conversations of abusers. Denoting that we live in the real reality they live in their own reality.
      Ramble all you want, im also very loney and isolated its horrible but so good to communicate on here xxxx

    • #18539

      Hi Bridget, i think you might be talking about 30 Covert Manipulation Tactics which is available free to read on Amazon. There is a chapter on what you appear to be getting (love bombing, smoke and mirrors) and how this compares to a normal functioning relationship. I can’t remember the actual detail but this particular chapter sounds like what your looking for. X*X

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