Nearly broke no (limited) contact

[itwillbeokay]

I’m feeling distraught and heartbroken and angry and frustrated tonight and feel an overwhelming urge to send him a message to try to get him to understand what he’s done to me. I’m literally broken and sobbing and not enjoying life atall because of him and yet I’m just meant to go no contact, well limited because we have children, and carry on. I miss him (hugely), hate him, love him, resent him, can’t believe how little he’s enquired after our children, I feel sadder and madder by the day and a post on social media tonight (a friend visiting where he proposed to me) has left me utterly broken. When does the pain end and the positive future begin? When does my “bravery” for leaving (according to everyone who knows) get rewarded?! Because I don’t want to be brave. I want to be happy. And maybe right now I feel even less happy than before 🙁

[KIP.]

For me it was like breaking a drug addiction. The early days were really bad with overwhelming cravings but if you can get past those days and weeks even months, it will be so very worth it. He won’t change. You won’t get validation from him. He will twist it round and make you feel worse. Come off all social media meantime. My ex and his gf put posts all over Facebook, I was still married, living with him and knew nothing. That’s the shocking levels of dysfunctional behaviour just to try to hook us in. Run for the hills and only look back to see how far you’ve come.

[Ayanna]

He will never understand what he has done.
Letting him know how you feel just adds fuel to his abusive self.
Keep the zero contact as much as possible.
Do not let him know what you go through.
I cannot tell you how long it takes to be happy.
You may have PTSD and you may need counselling or therapy.
Recovering from abuse takes time.
Do not be hard on yourself.
There is no requirement for feeling happy.
Feel as you feel.
Explore your feelings every day so that you get in touch with yourself.
I am out for a few years and I am still not happy. I was extremely angry at first, then I switched to numbness, now it it is anger again mixed with numbness.
Be patient with yourself.
Most important it is that you are safe and that you do not suffer any form of abuse.
You will get better.

[Author]

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