Need advice

[determinedtobefree]

It’s been (detail removed by moderator) yrs now since I went to a refuge after leaving my husband and I lived alone until (detail removed by moderator) of this year.i have moved to a New country and I’m living with my new partner.shes the love of my life .the reason I’m writing is because I feel my past is affecting my new relationship, I’m having flashbacks and nightmares of the abuse from my past and I don’t know how to stop all this from affecting my relationship now.she is the most caring person ive met in my life.and I don’t want this to affect the present.

[Confused123]

hey lovely

have you ever had counselling for the abuse you experienced, i found when my body was relaxed i was able to process the trauma , counselling really helped me, maybe tellign your partner u r having flash backs and she can support u

[fizzylem]

As awful as flashbacks are to experience, you are having them for a reason, when they are processed with professional support they can help you to make sense of things. They begin feeling like a curse but once worked through they feel more like a gift. If you feel frightened, unable to cope or at a loss as to what to do then it would be good to seek some help and guidance through this. Sounds like a good time to do this because you have the support of a loving, caring partner who will want to help you in any way she can.

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Determinedtobefree

I really think this happening nownis a sign of your security. It’s going to help your partner to understand as much as you do about what helpful for each situation.
For instance ifmy children hear my shouting in the night I ask them to simpy call ‘mum’ whilst taying out of the bedroom, this means I don’t get confused about who might be in the room wth me and I immediately am returned to the reality of this is my child calling me. It’s powerful grounding for me when I can find it hard to know what’s going on.

You can agree words that help, or sounds even: it might be that her leaving the room will be the best way to go, whatever works whilst you go through this rough ride.

Smells are particularly good at instantly recaling good memories associated with them. There might be music that could do that also.

I really feel for you and its so lovely to hear you have found the live of your life.

Warmest wishes ts

[Twisted Sister]

It’s definitely a time to be very gentle with yourself and kind. Give yourself good time to rest and have breaks from it with balancing positive experiences as much as you can.

[Author]

Posts