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    • #104348
      solivagant
      Participant

      Hi, I’m abit lost I dont know what to do. So in much need of advice!! I came out of a verbally abusive relationship begining of (detail removed by moderator), but unfortunately we are having a baby. Hes caused so much stress it effected baby and midwife said to hunt legal advice just so I know what my rights are. Which I did. In addition to that I got in touch with a helpline who told me to check Claire’s law to find out if he has a past. They have told me I’ll have to make a statement to the police. I stopped talking to him when baby was affected and said I’d keep him up to date with baby, to that he called me selfish for only thinking about myself and not and threatened to take me to court. Once he realised he cant. Hes now being overly nice to lure me back in. I’m very concerned that he may treat baby as bad as he treats me in which case do I follow this all the way through and ensure baby has nothing to do with him but at least she will be safe or do I give him benefit of the doubt and give him a chance to be a father and hope hes a better father than partner and if anything happens later take it further?

       

    • #104350
      KIP.
      Participant

      My advice is to cut him out your life all together now. If he’s abusive before baby comes you can bet his abuse will carry on after baby comes when you’re extremely vulnerable. I’ve been on this forum several years and have never read a happy ending when abusers are involved in your life. Once he’s established as the father he has parental rights and you can bet he will use them to destroy your mental health and control your life for the next 16 years. Who told you that you have to make a statement to the police? If you’re still in the relationship then you have a right to know if he has Had contact with the police regarding a past Abusive relationship. So ask them while yours still in a ‘relationship’. Given what I know now I’d wipe my child’s dad from the face of the earth. His negative delusional behaviour heavily impacted my child and my step child and I spent decades running round confused and disoriented trying to predict and prevent his next outburst when I should have been making good memories with my kids. Abuse takes up your headspace, and that leaves little room for the thing you enjoy x build a good life your yourself and your child well away from abuse x be guided by women’s aid x

      • #104359
        solivagant
        Participant

        We arent together anymore I left him (detail removed by moderator)… so maybe that’s why? I had called 101 to get to Claire’s law and it was them that told me I’d have to make a statement 🤷🏼‍♀️ thanknyou for your advice!

         

    • #104371
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      Hi there, I eventually filled a disclosure form out online(Clare’s law) as I’d been with my oh fir so long and hadn’t reported him before there wasn’t anything disclosed, but the officer dealing with my case advised me to stay away from him as he was dangerous, and leopards don’t change their spots. Its funny how others see how dangerous they are/ could be but we don’t. Or we forget those instances more to the point. I was terrified they’d go and speak to him, but they didn’t, unless a series crime is committed. It’s now there for any future women to see, if he had another relationship in the future. He’s adamant he won’t, doesn’t want anyone else. He’s going to be the sad,lonely,vindictive,old man others said he’d be. And that saddens me. I have to keep reminding myself he did this, he doesn’t deserve me helping him through this. As usual they only care about themselves, we’re an afterthought even though it can sound like it’s not.
      💞💞

      • #104383
        solivagant
        Participant

        Thanks for your reply! I was also worried that they might inform him and it would make the situation worse but if they didnt that’s good to know!! I guess I’ll know what’s best after I’ve spoken to the police. All I want really is baby to be happy and safe and I’m just not sure hes it.

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