This topic contains 14 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by  Frankfurter 1 month, 1 week ago.

  • Author
    Posts
  • #70505
     Gingerbreadkitty 
    Participant

    I am trying to get my ‘partner’ to leave ive known he’s been abusive for years and been trying to leave for years but a new thing that’s now come up is we have joint ‘legacy benefits’ if he or I left, would I have to claim universal credit or would I be able to stay on legacy? I don’t like the thought of all the change my kids and me going through and money being yet another thing waiting weeks for it to be sorted.

    I hope I wouldn’t need to claim but I don’t know where else to turn to find out. I really want my life back.

  • #70517
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    Hi gingerbread kitty, welcome to the forum. I think WA could answer this fir you or CAB, they’re very good too. Unless someone here could help too. I found getting financial advice from WA solicitor took a lot of worry off my shoulders. Knowledge is truly power.

    IWMB 💕💕

  • #70531
     EbonyRaven 
    Participant

    I just had a look at some benefits information around legacy benefits on the Child Poverty Action Group website, and if you live in a UC area then, yes a new claim would become UC instead of JSA, IS or ESA etc.
    Please don’t let that stop you. Ultimately it will be far, far better for the children, and for you too.

  • #70542
     Lisa 
    Main Moderator

    Hi Gingerbreadkitty,

    Welcome to the forum. I just wanted to say please try to find a safe time to phone the helpline. They will not tell you what to do but they can help to talk you through your options and work out what might be best for you.

    The CAB can be helpful with regards to benefits as can Turn2us, http://www.turn2us.org.uk

    Best wishes,

    Lisa
    Forum Moderator

  • #70622
     Gingerbreadkitty 
    Participant

    Hello All,
    Thank you for your replies. I have no opportunity to ring the helpline as my ‘partner’ doesn’t work hasn’t for a little while. So he’s home all the time. I’ve been to my local WA in the past to be told “if you won’t help yourself we can’t help you” they basically want me to go into refuge. Which in my circumstances I cannot do which is why I haven’t. Unfortunately it’s pretty important my family well one of my children in particular stays in the area. I can’t go to CA without him knowing and probably asking questions about why I’m going out since I don’t go out. I don’t have any family I’m in touch with anymore so it’s just me and my children. This why I turned to here for advice. I have no idea what to do and where to go next.

    Edit:
    One of my children has a disability which is why money is so imperative to keep us going a 6 week wait for UC would just about cripple us.

  • #70626
     Daisy 
    Participant

    If you are the claimant on a benefit , that will continue. If you are not the main claimant, or he is and you are the partner on his claim then you would have to claim universal credit. So if your name is the main claimant and you receive the money for your job seekers or esa and tax credit and housing benefit, it would be a change of circumstances to current benefit, if partner left but if he is the one claiming and receiving any of the above you would need to claim universal credit x x x

    • #70643
       Gingerbreadkitty 
      Participant

      I am the main claimant. I did it when he lost his job. So I would be ok you reckon?

  • #70722
     Daisy 
    Participant

    If you are the main claimant for ALL YOUR legacy benefits the change is just a household change so I would expect your benefits to continue but may reduce now you are a single claimant not a couple. google universal credit to see the 6 benefits it replaces. if you need to claim any ONE then that’s when I would expect you to have to claim universal credit. There are some good benefits advice sites online. Turn to us is one , and money advice is another.the ogov website is also worth a google
    X x x

    • #70759
       Gingerbreadkitty 
      Participant

      Thank you x I claim all the benefits I made sure I was main claimant now I know why.

  • #71261
     Gingerbreadkitty 
    Participant

    I’m so torn right now. I really don’t know what to do. I recently found I was pregnant and had a miscarriage a week later (he doesn’t know). One of my children especially is a daddy’s girl. I feel so bad that I’d be ripping them away from him. I feel like they would hate me. I want to stay here where I live now but he won’t leave so I don’t know what to do anymore.

  • #71303
     Sadness 
    Participant

    Gbk if he is abusive could you not get a barring order against him and he would have to leave house and you won’t have to leave hope you are ok it’s so hard x

  • #71336
     Gingerbreadkitty 
    Participant

    Hey, yes but then I’d feel guilty about putting him on the street since he wouldn’t have anywhere to go. He is my kids dad after all. Abusive or not. I think the way I feel is strange but I’m just a compasionate person and want the best for everyone even if they aren’t the nicest.

  • #71341
     Sadness 
    Participant

    Gbk I totally understand as I am in the same situation after he hurts me in my head I have the strength to do it but as I relax and calm my self I don’t have the heart to do it but I feel close I really wish he would just go and leave me heal and my children as we have been through so much he keeps saying his depressed and sorry but I just think if he loved us he would leave until he got help with his anger and not put us in danger .He has somewhere to go as it’s just him I can’t leave with 4 kids.His family only know his depressed they weren’t to know about anything else so he is getting pitty off them that he doesn’t deserve as he is only depressed because I said I have enough and he doesn’t want people to know .This is the longest I have stayed in separated room and I’m proud of my self for that at least and I have said to him over and over again that we are over I usually give in after a week for a easy life .I still don’t understand why I can’t tell anyone why I’m so ashamed when I shouldn’t .I hope you are ok as I know the your brain is going non stop and the ups and down would drain any life you have left x*x

  • #71346
     Lisa 
    Main Moderator

    Hi Gingerbreadkitty,

    I am sorry to hear about your situation and hope that you are ok and looking after yourself. I know you said that it could be difficult for you to phone the helpline as your partner is around a lot but perhaps if you could try to find a safe time to give them a ring, if it is safe for you to go for a walk and call them or if you leave a message with the helpline saying when your lunch break is with work etc they can give you a ring back. The helpline can help you to consider your options. It is unlikely that he is going to stop abusing you and leave so for the well being of yourself and your children it may have to be that you consider other options. You all deserve to be happy and respected and sadly until he is not in your house that is not going to be the case. You could also find your local Women’s Aid group here to make an appointment – https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

    He won’t like the fact that you are gaining in strength and getting advice and support so please do not let him know that you are using the forum and considering your options.

    I hope you have a nice peaceful weekend and that hopefully you can find time to speak to the helpline and start to feel empowered by knowing what your options could be.

    We are all here for you so please keep posting to let us know how you are.

    Best wishes,

    Lisa
    Forum Moderator

  • #71913
     Frankfurter 
    Participant

    GBK, I had a similar situation with my ex. In the end I had to turf him out (the police were involved by that point). He made a big show of stumbling around drunk and dirty in front of everyone who knew me, that was tactic 1 to try to get me to take him back. I would have fallen for it too if it wasn’t for the domestic violence team’s support. He will have somewhere to go, they always do. He is relying on your good nature to continue abusing you.

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

EXIT SITE

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ Jobs

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account