Need advice ladies

[Missmadge]

Ok a long story but my ex battered me on (date removed by moderator) when I left him,I got home and took photos of my injuries.I want o know if I can report him to police as he’s cocky and bragging that I won’t.The reason being there was a restraining order put in place in (month removed by moderator) and we ignored it and carried on seeing each other however social services are involved and although he hasn’t seen my children since I was told he couldn’t I still went and saw him him.Its at (detail removed by moderator) will they take my kids if I report him,am I best to leave it I’m so confused and he’s walking around like the king x

[Missmadge]

Sorry that made no sense I meant to say I haven’t let my kids near him but I went to see him and was told to stay away from him (detail removed by moderator)

[Tiffany]

I am afraid that I don’t know the ramifications of reporting him. I would suggest that you call the women’s aid helpline, and possibly rights for women and see if they can help you clarify your position.

[Ayanna]

Speak to Rights of Women.
It depends also where he beat you up.
If it was in your home he might have forced his way in.
If it was in his home then there is a dilemma, because you went there.
Although the children were not there and did not see it, they see you with the bruises when you are at home, which is scary for them.
Best ask what to do.
But leaving it is also not a good option. He deserves some jail time.

Also, you need to consider what you are doing.
You have responsibility for children.
You know that he is dangerous.
From now on put your children first, over your own thoughts and feelings.
They need to be kept safe and that requires zero contact to their father.
This must be your priority.
You want to be a responsible mother.

[Twisted Sister]

so sorry to hear you have suffered like this, and hope that you take careof yourself.

It is entirely his fault There is no way you ‘make him’ behave in this way, he’s done this to you, but yes, you broke a court direction also by making approaches to him, which i know is not so easy to just cut off like that, and unfair on you.

however, the law as it stands, and especially childrens services can i presume act to take the children as they view is more as your responsibility to protect the children from someone its not possible to protect the children from and a very complex relationship to get out of.

highly recommend Rights of Women, and helpline, if you can get through. Both take a huge amount of determination to get through to, but they will have excellent help for your situation.

take care, warmest wishes ts

[KIP.]

I was wondering if he has any evidence that you carried on the relationship? These men can use blackmail against us. It’s a fine line. I think I would keep all evidence. The photographs and a journal etc. However if you’re determined it’s finished then block him on everything. If he persists in trying to contact you then you may have no choice but to report him. Can you draw a line under all contact now? I just fear if you know he’s walking about like the king and cocky and bragging that you’re still in contact with him. Keep trying the helpline or speak to a family solicitor for some free legal advice. You may be able to report him after court is over.

[Copperflame]

This is a difficult one. If there is a restraining order in place, then he is the one breaching it, not you. I would go ahead and report him to the police because he cannot be allowed to continue to behave like this, whether to you or any other woman.

As the law stands, it’s irrelevant who initiated the contact after he was made subject to a restraining order. Even it was you who initiated contact, it was still his responsibility to comply with the restraining order and refuse to see you. However, if it was he who initiated contact he is in direct breach of his restraining order and he could potentially go to prison. You may get a ticking off from the police but you have not broken any laws – he is the one who has broken the law, not you.

Unfortunately, if you report this latest assault to the police, they are duty bound to inform social services. However, your safety and that of your children is paramount and you must ask yourself, do you really want to risk losing your children for the sake of a relationship with this violent and dangerous man? Abusive relationships are addictive because of trauma bonding, but it is possible to break free and move on with your life.

It sounds as if you would benefit from some support – do you have an IDVA at all? I would definitely ring the helpline or your local DV service, as well as Rights of Women. The helpline is often busy, but if you leave them a voicemail and a time window of when it’s safe to call you back, they will ring you.

Whatever happens, I think you need to be honest with social services about what has happened because they have ways of finding out if you are still seeing an abuser.

Take care, Copperflame xx

[Benson]

From what I understand is that Social Services have concerns if you are not protecting your children and they are at risk, however by reporting him to police for the assault demonstrates you are taking positive steps to help protect your children. I hope this helps, good luck.

[Author]

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