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Not sure how to word it without it being removed. Important event for my eldest child. He has left balloons out side my house and a card threw the door for her. I’ve given them too her and hidden my feelings but i dont want him coming to my house and doing that. He sees rhe kids once a week and can give things to them then. After every thing that’s happened recently isn’t this too much? I have ptsd and i want him to keep out of my world… he has his time with them why invade mine. Can I call the police and ask them to ask him to stay away
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Yes this is a hoovering tactic, typical abuser behaviour, he has a new partner but he still wants to keep control of you too and keep in your head to stop you from moving on. If there is a pattern of behaviour where he is contacting you unwanted like this and you have evidence, the police will issue him with a harassment warning. Keep all texts, calls, letters, photograph the balloons and create a file of evidence to show to them. Obviously if they know he has abused you already then it will be easier as they will just add it to his file and issue him with the warning. If they breach the harassment warning I believe they can be arrested. Well done for recognising it is inappropriate, stick to no contact (arrange child contact through a third party) and you will soon start to feel so much better without him in your life.
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Totally agree with Sunshine. A new partner means nothing. He wants to gain that control back over you. He will try to creep back into you life a little at a time. Try to make it all seem ‘normal’ again. He misses the thrill he gets from your despair and pain that he causes. I can tell you that I pushed back every single time. I know his game. He wants you to contact him to tell him not to come to your home so that he can then tell you how unreasonable you’re being. It’s designed to confuse and keep him in your head. My advice would be to ring the domestic abuse police. They will have a record of his past behaviour. Tell them you are scared of him and he is distressing you and affecting your mental health and he is a danger to you. Hopefully they will speak to him and tell him to keep away. If I’m honest I reported him more because I feared for my mental health than physical health but emphasise the physical for the police. How dare he! They cannot stand being ignored and cut off.
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Thank you for validating how this made me feel..is there another number for domestic abuse police?
I’m still in two mind to report it or not.. part of me wants to- because he shouldn’t be able to invade my space like that- he has his time and place to be their dad- i dont want him any part of wha little world I have left. But then if I do report it- he will have more excuse to say I’m unreasonable… then should I care if he thinks I’m that or not -
He can say you’re unreasonable all he likes (they all say that) but you have the right to live in peace without him turning up like that and the police know that. You’re quite right that he has time set aside already to be with the children, he is most likely doing this to get in your head as they don’t like to see us moving on. Record it as evidence and if you feel ready, log it with the police. When you contact them ask to speak to the domestic abuse team as the regular police seem to be very variable in terms of how much they understand the psychological side of domestic abuse.
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Thank you again. I actually think he waited down the road to see if I gave the balloons to her.. because just after I had, a car sped up the hill.. too fast to see who was in it and it’s such a quiet road normally… it was early too. Im please that i smiled and put on a happy show for the sake of my daughter.
I think I could’ve accepted the card… although it was put threw my door so hed obviously been near my house even before I found the balloons outside. The moor I think about it, the more i feel he invaded my space by doing that. I’d had such a hard time finding out about his new partner and argued with his mum at the start of the week.. he will know how low I’m feeling. My dad has been utterly horrible to me today which never helps me to get any of this strait in my head… But I have changed my number. I know there’s no way my ex will ever contact me anyway now that he has a new gf, but at least k won’t be tempted to contact him now that I’ve eliminated all my means of doing so -
Hey there. It’s good that you are destroying bridges. You are not being unreasonable. He is. He has been told not to go near you and will keep pushing the boundaries until you push back. Same number and ask for domestic abuse police. Hopefully they will warn him off. It’s not good for your anxiety knowing he can come and go to your home as he pleases. Well you’re in charge now and that is not his right anymore x
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