2nd February 2016 at 10:48 am #8870
Hi,im a mother of a son (age removed by moderator).Im a victim of severe domestic violence.I dont know if this is the right place to look for help but atleast im looking to share my story with someone for first time.I was married to my cousin in (year removed by moderator)(he is british and im from pakistan).he always act strange from day one but i thought its because we havnt spend lot of time with each other and it will take time to understand each other.In (year removed by moderator) i came to uk to live with my husband,he was living in his parents house along with his family.After few months he went jail and i wasnt told that he is having any court processing against him.My sister in law use to bully me and fight with me without any reason and put blaims on me (detail removed by moderator).But i bare that with patience and waited till my husband came out as i was hopeful that he will give me protection but i was unaware of the fact that my husband use to pump her to fight with me(later i found the reason why he acted that way).after six months my husband came out of jail and his behaviour was even more worse.He use to insult me and started beating me for little things like tea is cold, food is not cooked properly etc.My mother in law use to tell me to be quite and not to tell anything to anyone even my parents and i quietly listen to her as i thought if i make a fuss than ill not to able to keep my relation,i just use to cry at night hiding my face under a pillow.One month after he get out of jail i find out that he had an affair with another girl as i read his phone messages.when i asked him he refuse that by saying she is just his friend (i got pregnant with my son soon after my husband got out of jail)But after this cindition become worse and worse he stop talking to me,separate his room but he and his sister make my life like a hell,it was like pot calling the kettle black.They use to put blaims on me and beat me without any reason. One day after get beaten i call police for help but my family forced me to drop the case and i did.They look upon this as an insult and use to taunt me daily.My husband told everyone that my son is not his and that im not a good character girl and always look down on me.This is very long story but cut short my husband married his girl friend and took her home where i was living too.All of them made my life a living hell,and as usual i was being told to stay quiet, my mofher in law tell me that if i took any action than my husband will snach my son of me and i will never be able to see his face.I love my son alot,more than my life when my husband use to beat me up infont of him he use to cry and that shatter me inside out.I decided in my heart that i will not bring up my child in this home and with these people.I decided to come to Pakistan(my husband knew that i was going for ever and he was happy that he will live with his other wife).I came pakistan in (detail removed by moderator) .My husband never contacted me or his son, no child support nothing at all.Im scared that if i come back to uk they will try to make my life a hell again and most importantantly he will try to take my son off me. I dont know what to do as i dont want to be a burden on my parents and also for my son future i have to come back.plz plz help me or give me advice of what should i do?.They are very manipulative and im not clever like them.Its my fault why i let him and his family abuse me,i literally felt like a doormat when i was there,i have lost my confidence,my dignity feel shattered.
2nd February 2016 at 11:37 am #8876godschildParticipant
Hi, this is awful for you, call the Womens aid helpline which is on this website, they have support workers that will meet with you and advise you. Take Care xx
2nd February 2016 at 12:48 pm #8890
Thank you very much for your reply and yes indeed my situation is as bad as you can imagine.but i want to stay strong for my son.I did contacted the women aid through mail and they told me that they are unable to help me as im not in uk.I dont know what to do as if i come back im worried that the abuse will continue.
2nd February 2016 at 6:33 pm #8899SavingmyselfParticipant
You can do 2 things come back to uk if you have residency here and call women aid and tell them all what’s happened to you and ask to go to a refuge with your boy and wait for a good while to be housed far away from your abuser
Or stay where you are now with family who can support you look after your child while you go to work etc find your own place
If you come back you will be alone if you stay you have your loved ones around you
Have a good think about what you really want to do
As I think you would be happier and safer to be where you are
Do not ever ever go back to that family who have abused you have no contact at all with them do not even let them know you are back in the uk
Your child will be happy with his grandparents he will be a joy not a burden you can help them out to so its a win win
Sorry this happened to you
Have a fresh new wonderful life with your child
Big hugs xx
2nd February 2016 at 8:31 pm #8913LisaMain Moderator
I am so sorry to hear about your situation and I am pleased that you have already recieved some lovely support here on the forum. I would be very careful before you consider returning to the UK. It may be that due to the time that you have been out of the country you would not be entitled to benifits and it would be hard for you to find a refuge or somewhere safe to stay. Without any evidence of the domestic violence it could be hard for you to prevent your abusive ex from having contact with your son and you could find yourself the target of abuse through child contact which is very common even after the relationship is over. Please have a look at Aanchal and Rights of Women (aanchal.org.uk and rightsofwomen.org.uk) who can give you both practical and legal advice based on your situation. If you are happy and safe in Pakistan then I would say that is better for you and your son’s future than a life of uncertainty and fear here.
Please contact http://www.hotpeachpages.net for support in Pakistan.
3rd February 2016 at 5:58 am #8933
Dear Lisa and Savingmylife,
Thank you very much for your support and advice.Dear i have got my relatives i.e uncle and aunties in Uk but i found them useless as they were aware of my situation but were reluctant to provide any support to me as they share same relationship with me as they have with my husband.One of my uncle lives far from where my husband live and is also telling me to come back and fight for my and my son rights.I never wanted to come back the only reason is i want a divorce and move on for my and my son better future.Its only possible if i come back to Uk and apply for divorce and child custody.and also its very difficult for single mother to raise kids on her own in our society,people here are not very supportive tbh.
4th February 2016 at 1:00 pm #9019SuntreeParticipant
So sorry for this happening to you and your son.
You are so brave to get away.
I just have one question.
If he married his girlfriend. Was your marriage to him legal in the eyes of the UK law?
4th February 2016 at 10:51 pm #9061DaisyParticipant
light, you need special advice on immigration law,
There is a lot of info on the Internet to get you started, including a lot on info on home office website,
Re you son, and child custody again you really do need specialist advice,
I don’t know his nationality or age and it is not safe for you to say here,
Perhaps social services may be able to give you some advice too
Also check for law centres near where your uncle far away from your abusers lives too perhaps.
Lisa mentioned that you may not be entitled to any benefits so it is wise to research and plan before you return,and save.
You can lose your rights of residence on leaving the country, on that same date you leave but the reverse does not apply,so you would need to be self sufficient, if you return, initially anyway.
X x x
5th February 2016 at 2:06 am #9068StarmoonParticipant
Hi I’m so sorry to hear your story. I can’t offer any more advice than the others have but I very much hope that you’re able to find sanctuary and a safe happy future for you and your son- I hope that you’re able to move back to the U.K. And able to take yourself away from your ‘family’ if it is available to you- there is so much more support in this country. You can make friends and like my friends are to me, they become family xx keep posting- we are always here
5th February 2016 at 11:30 am #9078
Thank you for your support.when a british national marry outside the country than on arrival of his spouse in uk the marriage become automatically registered in uk.In my case our marriage is registered but his other marriage is not registered.
Lots of hugs and thanks for your support,dear me and my son dont have any immigration restrictions as we both are dual nationals and his age is (removed by moderator) years and even when i was in uk i use to luk after my son and my needs on my own.I just cant imagine my self without my son,it terribly scares me out but i have to come back to start divorce process and child custody.As im not well aware of rules and regulations in uk my in laws will definately took advantage of it.I just need proper guidance so that when i come back i will be look upon as a victim not an abductor.
Thank you for your support,you definitely have a heart of gold.In this situation when im totally mentally lost i not only need legal guidance but emotional support as well.Dear my own cousin and his family subjected me to violence and make every possible effort to let me down and now i dont think they are my family.All of the beautiful ladies like you who listen to me and support me are my family.
Lots of love and hugs for all of you xxxxxx
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