Need help with taking legal action

[Blueflower29]

Hi all,

I’ve recently left an abusive relationship and am in two minds about taking legal action, I feel like it’s something I should do but there’s so much anxiety around it. I don’t feel ready to go to the police yet so I’m wondering can I get legal advice first, is it wise to find a lawyer first before going to the police. If anyone here has been through this can you talk me through the process a bit. My husband has also sexually abused me, so is anyone able to help me with what type of law I need to look into, family lawyers said they don’t help with that, but I contacted a criminal lawyer who said they only help if I’ve gone to the police or if I’m going to court. I feel really confused about what to do and who to speak to. Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[Marmalade]

Hi, I’m a bit confused about what you want from a lawyer.

So, if you need divorce advice on splitting your finances and caring for any children then you need to see a family lawyer who can advise you about your rights and what you could obtain on a divorce.

If your ex is currently harassing you now and this is ongoing and he will not leave you alone then you can ask a family solicitor about obtaining a non molestation order which is a restraining order to keep him away from you usually for about 6 months.

If you believe that your ex committed criminal offences against you then that is something that is reported to the police if you wish for him to be prosecuted. A criminal law solicitor usually represents defendants not victims. There would not be much they could say to you. A family solicitor could only advise if the allegations are relevant in any divorce or non molestation proceedings.

Maybe speak to your local DA agency. You can also live chat with Women’s Aid . They can give you general advice on abuse, your situation and point you to other support services which are relevant for you.

Good luck. Well done on making the break from your relationship. It’s very hard to get away from abusive relationships. If you do decide to report to the police make sure you think it through beforehand. Once you report you lose control of the process so that they may go in directions you don’t expect. Also prepare yourself for different scenarios so anything from giving evidence in court to the police not charging him and taking no further action. You need to think how you would feel in both those situations .

I hope everything works out well .

[minimeerkat]

bless your heart it sounds as if you are starting to believe in yourself more.  and i am sure that if other women have experienced the same or similar you will hopefully hear from them – there is also a lady on the forum who appears to be quite knowledgeable re legal issues too so she may be able to help

the rightsofwomen.org.uk is a website run by solicitors giving free legal advice – the one problem being that they are only available by telephone for a few hours on certain days due to giving their services alongside their normal work. but wondered if you maybe wanted to have a look at their website as the further support option lists help/support lines for victims of rape/sexual assault/revenge porn etc.  because if you have been told that contacting the police is necessary for help from a solicitor but you dont feel ready to do this yet perhaps talking to these support lines may help build your confidence up – which will then hopefully give you the courage to actually contact the police if this is needed for you to go ahead with any legal action

its always possible that these support lines could advise you on the process of it all as well or at least give you relevant contact information for this. i suppose this can just be something to consider if you are having to wait at all for responses on the forum x

[minimeerkat]

the lady i mentioned has just beaten me to it!

[Blueflower29]

Thank you both for your responses, it’s a tough one I don’t know whether I am strong enough to do this that’s why I want to get enough information as I can before doing this.

Sorry, I didn’t know much about this so when I said I wanted a lawyer I didn’t realise I didn’t need one, but I have a question if only the defendant needs a lawyer what happens if they try to make accusations against you? I assume that’s going to be the case in a fight like this, I’m just really scared about what position it could leave me in- in the end. Also I wanted to ask if anyone knows if there’s possibilities of settling this out of court and how you can go about that, I just want to know what options I have.

I have already looked into family lawyers for the divorce, they have told me that the abuse is completely separate to the divorce since you no longer have to give reason why a marriage has broken down. But I just wanted to ask if anyone has had abuse play a part in the divorce/ whether it can be included in the divorce at all?

[Marmalade]

Hi if a defendant makes allegations against you then he reports you to the police, same as if you report him. If you report him and he then makes allegations against you the police can investigate or/and use it to say it 6 of one and half a dozen of the other so drop charges. If the police instead think there is enough evidence to charge him then he can use the allegations against you as a defence and it will then be up to the magistrate/jury to choose who to believe. If there is a risk he will make allegations against you to the police if you report him, then this is another thing for you to weigh up when you are considering whether or not to report him. Weigh up the risks and the stress against your wish for justice and see what is best for you and your recovery.

You cant settle criminal proceedings out of court. Once you report to the police they control the investigation. You can choose to withdraw your complaint but they can still proceed even without your consent if they feel there’s enough evidence. If you start criminal proceedings and try to settle them by receiving money etc from someone you potentially run the risk of getting in trouble with the police .

You can settle financial aspects of divorce and your family solicitors can advise you on an appropriate settlement.

No, my understanding is abuse is not part of a divorce petition and I think it also plays no role in finances. Your family solicitors will give you advice on this so ask them as they will know far more than me. They will be able to advise you on all aspects of the divorce proceedings as they will be the experts and know far more than us.

Good luck.

 

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