Need some advice

[helpneeded]

I would like to say thank you first of all. I had been quite reluctant to post previous (it made it feel real), but everyone seems so supportive and gives good advice.

(detail removed by moderator)

So my ex is a very volatile perso, he has never physically abused me but he has pushed me (whilst holding our daughter), grabbed at me, smashed things up, swore at me. screamed in my face and the list goes on. We will have been split up (detail removed by moderator) but this has continued. I finally got the courage to phone the police as he was texting, phoning, facetiming, emailing me including my work and it all felt too much.
The police warned him that he was harassing me and even though it was too late to press charges for him pushing me etc they would record it down for next time.

So after all this had happened my daughter has told me her dad hits her, social services got involved and decided it was me making it up. They said it was emotional abuse on my side. On (date removed by moderator) social services came round and spent some time with me and my daughter. the lady then took my child to her fathers house.
When they got back she told me that my daughter originally said she was happy to go but then changed her mind and said she wasn’t happy cause her dad hits her. She repeated all the same information as the list time she told me and my parents.

The lady told me that our daughter seemed happy with her dadand that in the car on the way home she repeated the same thing. Apparently my daughter said it had just happened and it hadn’t.

So social services are now saying there isn’t enough evidence to prove he has hit her but also not enough evidence to prove I have been emotionally abusing her, as she did actually say it.(detail removed by moderator).

When I have explained about everything that my child has witnessed (detail removed by moderator)away from the hitting to herself, Cafcass and social service seem to think this is just a relationship gone bad and don’t seem to think it is a safe guarding issue.

I honestly think my ex is capable of harming our daughter and I don’t think she would make things up.

i feel that social services haven’t done a great job, every time they have spoken to him , his parents have always been present (he lives with them), and they have even said his parents calm him down, but you would expect a father to be frustrated.

Social services have not spoken to anyone else that my our daughter has told her dad hits her, she goes to a speech and language unit and they haven’t spoken to them.

(detail removed by moderator) I feel that the system has let my little girl down.

I have read safe not sorry and it was like it was written about me.

sorry for the long message and not sure what I expect back but I am so nervous (detail removed by moderator), I guess sometimes writing it down helps x

[Lisa]

Hello Helpneeded,

I am so sorry to read about your stressful situation. Sadly it is all too common here to read about abusive men continuing to abuse their ex partners through the children, long after the relationship has ended.

I have private messaged you some advice on speaking to NSPCC, Women’s Aid, Coram Children’s Legal Centre and Rights of Women so I hope that they can help to give you some appropriate legal advice. It might be a good idea to really be vigilant about keeping a diary of your daughters behaviour after contact with her father. If she is in nursery/pre school then you can ask them to do the same so you all monitor anything significant she might say or do. Sometimes your local Women’s Aid group have specialist child workers too which might be helpful for you.

We are all here for you.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[helpneeded]

Thank you so much, I will ring these people straight away.

[Author]

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