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It’s nearly time, and, what do you know…I’m feeling really bad about it all. Really sad and sorry for him. Really guilty. I even spent some time today wondering if it was all me that has made this happen. And how could I have done it any differently. Which sliding door should I have gone through instead. At what point did it turn from normal to abuse….
Please someone tell me this thinking is mad, stupid, crazy and to STOP IT!!
And a reality check on WHY my brain is doing this after EVERYTHING????
Thank you.xx -
Hi iliketea, you are feeling like this as you are a decent person. We all feel guilty and sad because we are decent people. Because we don’t want to cause anyone pain especially someone who we’ve invested a lot of love and time on. And a tiny bit of us thinks maybe this time he’ll be different and we’ll make it work so should I stay?
But it won’t be different. You won’t make it work. It’s never worked before. And I bet he’s not shown any guilt or sadness for the pain he’s caused you.
If you don’t take this opportunity you’ll regret it. I did when I gave it one last chance and the following months were an absolute nightmare. How many times did I say to myself I wish I’d gone then?
You can do this iliketea. Life hasn’t been easy since I left but I don’t regret for one second getting out. I don’t think you will either x*x
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You’re NOT crazy, stupid or mad!! You’re questioning everything because things are going to change, for the better. It’s completely normal to feel guilty, normal people even when it’s not warranted.
You need to stay strong and focused.. remind yourself of all the reason your doing what your doing.
Sending hugs and a little reminder to myself to consider my own advice.
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Hi iliketea. This is a big step and it is totally understandable that you are feeling like this.
Sadly, we all have this doubt. It keeps resurfacing just when you really don’t need it to. Now is the time to read though some of your past posts and the responses that you received.
The trouble with psychological abuse is that it can be very hard to pin down. If you have physical abuse, there is something tangible to focus on. It doesn’t mean that one is worse than the other though, it’s just easier to prove physical abuse, to ourselves and to others.
So please do have a look through your previous posts and perhaps any diary entries you made. It might help to clarify things.
Feeling sad and sorry for him are not good reasons to stay. Mutual love and respect are good reasons to stay.
Whatever decision you make, we’ll be here for you. xx
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LOL! I hear you, I do. We all get here to some degree or another. Um, okay then. You want to be blasted?? I can do that! You knew I would……..
Soooo, you like crucifying yourself? You think it’s a good thing to not only be guilty for whatever you have done in your life but to pile on what another person has done in their life as well? Hm,m,m…that sounds like you hate yourself but see, I don’t get that from you at all. I get the total opposite from you. What I get is that this so-called man that’s not – is a very hatefilled and wee tiny little blob of a man who has nothing better to do than to rip you to pieces with his guilt, his pain, his whiny blah, blah and just load in on your back so you will carry the load and he can do whatever he wants with his spare energy, right? That’s how it’s been, right? How is that okay with you?
He chose to do all that. He did. Not you. He’s guilty. Not you. And since when has he broken a nail or bent over backwards to be ohhhh sooo loving and kind for any length of time consistently I might add – for you? Ten minutes maybe a couple months ago? An hour 6 months ago, 2 seconds here and there quickly followed by the real reason why he was nice – since it was in order to get you to do something for him….??
Ever feel like you were with a jealous little woman who just couldn’t stand it because you are the wonderful woman you truly are? I love that one……have looked at a few of my fellas and thought – you’re so feminine in a very nasty way actually. This is something a mean girl would do towards me… something must have got mixed up in your soup somewhere bubba.
Yeah, we all get crackers about this time when leaving. Shoulda, coulda, woulda and yet the outcome would have been the same. You still would have wound up precisely right here. Except for the fact, omg, you might not have gotten away!!! He might have really destroyed you! And he doesn’t care, wouldn’t care if he did!
Stop and really look at all the nice times and put them beside of all the really bad times and take inventory and put a real value on them, too. One is dime store candy and the other one is pure poison so all in all it was never a good deal. You decided you don’t want this anymore and you acted on it and good on you!!!! Pat yourself on the back here, don’t rob yourself of that one!! Look straight ahead and Never look back and I mean Never ever ever look back. And that means now. Don’t look back now….like don’t do it now. We can’t be the dogs that return to our vomit, right? Moving forward, not backward!!! Love you! Was that good enough or do you want me to do it again? LOL!
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Iliketea
The finishing line is almost there, probably what you’ve been dreaming about for a while. Don’t look back, you’re defo not going that way. Keep moving forward. He doesn’t deserve anymore of your sympathy. Now you have to do you and recover from this monster. I wish you well and fingers crossed it happens the way you’ve planned it to Xx
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Even I had a moment like that yesterday…even me, after all this time! And I’m going to take it that it’s because I am a decent human. Soon snapped myself out of it.
It’s a massive step to take and part of you will be going this way in your mind because of fear and it’s what you know etc etc but you have sought the advice, you have done the research and ground work- you know what this is and you’ve had it confirmed professionally. You don’t need anything more.
It is not life-it’s existence and this impacts not only on you but on the children too. Even with all the research, you won’t see everything fully until you get out.
It is not easy to leave, it is not easy thereafter and it will take time and it will be rocky and there will be really tough times but it will be real and true, you will continue to learn and grow and you will re-emerge all the stronger for it. Whatever is ahead of you, you will find a way through and you will manage it and do your best. Children don’t need perfect- as in picture perfect, as in 2.4 or whatever it is, they don’t- that’s a whole load of rubbish that we’re fed to keep us in our place. Whatever.
They need mother. They need her speaking up, speaking out and taking action- there is nothing more nurturing
and powerful than that and because we do not assume it always because it is only something we do when absolutely necessary, we do in an absolutely perfectly imperfect way and that’s ok, we make the best of it, we get through it and come out the other side- together. stronger.You’ve already done all that you can, you’ve already started to build your network. That will help on the other side. You’re not on your own, we’re all here willing you on. We’ll be here to listen on the other side and offer support and reassurance. With you every step.
‘Until women & children are safe’
Soulsearcher xx
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iliketea I am replying to you. Not wanting to confuse your thinking or tell you what you should think or should do. Only you can really reason why you feel like you do now again. It has to come from you. Every one of us can give support, offer their advice, but none of us know you or what is in you? Your longer background experience? Maybe, you are reflecting on more than you realise? You have to decide? where you are? And where to go next? Where do you see yourself? And where do YOU want to take your life? It’s that simple. If you think about it. The practicalities may be the difficulties and living with the decisions we all have to make in life that arn’t easy sometimes, regrets? but we make decisions to try make positve changes don’t we, life goes on regardless, carries us forward. Life is always going to throw challenges at us it’s how we handle them that makes the difference. Don’t be afraid. Be strong, making the decisions that move you forward. I remind you of what you pm me recently, only you can be responsible for yourself and your life💞
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Thank you amazing women, thank you! I Could not do this without your incredible support and sense. Welled you’re a bit there reading your replies and support. Thank you each and everyone of you for taking the time. Really appreciate it.
🤣 @Braelynn!!! I KNEW you wouldn’t disappoint me, I’ve got you here on my shoulder & kicking my butt!
Thank you 🥰 xx -
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Of course I wouldn’t let you down but then I got to thinking geezzzz, I think you might have been too harsh this time and starting out with LOL! What were you thinking?? Was kinda biting my nails but then again, I think I know you by now. You just hang in there because we’ve got your back and your butt!
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@iliketea – how are things for you?
Watching with interest here. Just a few steps behind you here but need to know how you eventually succeed. X -
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Seaglass…….I am guessing that you are waiting him to act out so then you have reason? I wrote something called ‘The Hook’ on the thread – Life after an abusive relationship. It might possibly help you regarding the “why” factor here. You’ve been taught and conditioned to think all this. This isn’t “you” per say at all. It’s a paralyzing agent they infect you with so you will remain compliant so they can continue to control you and feed on you. The insect predators are quite adapt at this one but the human predators do it as well.
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@iliketea, you are so close, you know the truth, you know the score, you have researched, you have studied, you have planned, you need not waver any more. With everything you know, everything you have lived through, all of the evidence you have, seriously, what will change for the better if you stay?
Do it, and don’t dilly dally on the way!
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