Need some support today and assurance it’s not me

[Rainbowcloud]

Such a terrible week this week. Yesterday we had a little party I got one of those (detail removed by moderator) and I accidentally put it on a surface I shouldn’t of outside and it ruined (detail removed by moderator). I was asking for help before this and he was chatting on the phone for ages and he went mental when I did it and it was an accident. He was going mental and one of his children stepped in and said don’t talk to her like that she did it on accident there’s no need. He didn’t like that one of his children defended me they are a teenager.
He then refused to talk to me for the whole day while I cooked for everyone and cleaned up everything aswell as getting all the shopping by myself.
I went and lay in my sons bedroom as kids were in my room and he stormed up and had a go at me sayinf I (detail removed by moderator) I didn’t at all I just didn’t want to sit with him in the same room when he would speak and I already apologized.
Then today he was ok his brother came over and he seemed ok with me again he dropped him home and then came back and wouldn’t speak to me again.
I thought we had sorted it out but he must be acting. When he came back I was on my phone and I think that triggered things off again and I offered to make him dinner just to take the horrible atmosphere Away he was like no just go on your phone and stormed upstairs and refusing to speak to me.
I was meant to be away this wkend with my mom and stepdad in (detail removed by moderator)  but I haven’t got the money and I knew he would kick off if I went so I didn’t go.
I wanted to go to a (detail removed by moderator)  yesterday I had it planned with the kids and he said he would get food for a bbq etc to make it sound good but I ended up doing it all.
I’ve got no life my mom text me sayinf I’ve got no life and why couldn’t I go but it’s not worth the hassle.
Sometimes I am allowed to go to things and he says nothing but I just know he would kick off if I went to (detail removed by moderator) I’ve got the week off and if he wasn’t here tomorrow I would just go on my own while he wasn’t here but he’s off now it’s bank holiday
So depressed I feel like he ruins my wkend a he never wants to go anywhere or do anything my life just lives around him.
I’m waiting for test results I had a biopsy done the ofher day and I’m so worried about it he knows I’m worried sick but keeps saying it will be ok why be like this when he knows I have this test result hanging over me he pretends to Care but he mustn’t do.
I’ve been so down that last two weeks waiting for them too.
I wish I had money to move away I feel so trapped I don’t know what to do or where to go.
It’s my house it’s jn my name he won’t just leave it’s so hard and affording things I’m struggling to cope

 

 

 

 

 

 

[KIP.]

It’s your house in your name. Have him removed by the police if he refuses to go. Your poor children are witnessing this behaviour. You don’t need him dragging you down. Are you in touch with women’s aid for support? I think with the added worry of waiting on test results, they sense our vulnerability and can up the abuse. Just at the time we need support the most. Sending positive thoughts for a good outcome. Keep posting for support x

[EbonyRaven]

Hi RainbowCloud, what a horrible way to treat you, and in front of the teenagers too. It was so lovely that one of them stood up for you, it just shows how loved you are.

It sounds as if you’ve really been trying to make the holiday weekend fun and nice for the children, despite the fact that you are awaiting those results. That’s so admirable.

I hope the results come back clear. Sending thoughts of strength.

[Rainbowcloud]

Thanks for reading that it is so long lol I feel very down waiting for these results and he knows that and just says I’m worrying for nothing etc be different if it was him waiting for results.
I can’t think clearly because if this my work have offered me free counselling 12 sessions as I took some time off I well lately so I am going to use that service when I can and get away with going somehow.
He thinks everything is about him without thinking for one second about me at all.
He makes me so unhappy we don’t do anything or go anywhere his brother walked to the shop for me earlier and I was so grateful because he does nothing for me I’m like w slave literally.
I’m thinking of leaving the city where I am now I’ve got a save sceheme through work and some money to rent somewhere if I want to it’s my emergency fund and I have to call them to get it paid into my account on payday so I’m considering this option of just moving totally away maybe it’s a dream and it won’t happen but I think that’s the only way I can move on is to be away from him totally .

[JustKeepSinging]

Hey RainbowCloud (love your username – makes me smile :))

It’s not you sweet, it really isn’t. I’m in the process of ‘getting out’ at the moment and it’s been so eye opening as to all the things I’ve been living with for so long that are just wrong. It’s hard to see for yourself sometimes which is why this forum is so amazing but it isn’t you and you don’t have to feel this way. Speak to womens aid on the phone, speak to legal rights for women, speak to your GP if you trust them. Once you start speaking it feels a lot less scary and isolating and you begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Counselling through work sounds amazing – can you ask work to ‘cover’ for you – saying that its some kind of course you need to go on for your job etc?
Sending you a huge hug xxxx

[Rainbowcloud]

It is they are so emotionally abusing after that big incident he tried to be nice again when I refuse to play his games and ignore him totally and not retaliating.
I know it’s an act though can’t stand him

[KIP.]

Have you consider a refuge for a while until you decide. It would give you the support you need meantime x and the freedom to heal.

[Author]

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