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So another blip on (detail removed by Moderator) that’s been taken to the next level. Silent treatment treating me like I don’t exist. I tried to talk to him about things. He’s told me he want shot of me doesn’t want to be here. He’s so negative everything in his world is negative. So I spoke to him about how I’m feeling insecure and his negativity. I asked him if he wanted to touch on anything I’ve said. He started talking about himself. That if I’m not happy to leave. I told him he’s the one who told me he’s leaving I just wanted to air my views. He went on and on about himself. Didn’t tell me that what he’d said was true. Didn’t address my insecurities now. I give up. He says he can’t talk to me when I told him that he hadn’t addressed anything I’d said.then he tells me I hadn’t got what I wanted. God I feel like I’m going mad. I want to run away and sob. I try so hard not to let him see me cry. I want to move into the spare room but that will be wrong. I never get acknowledgement never. Please does anybody have any advice. X
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Oh lovely. The best thing you can do is to stop trying to be logical & reasonable with him. He will never play fair, will never accept any kind of fault on his part (even if he says the words he won’t believe it inside) and he won’t change. It’s normal to want to talk about how their actions make us feel but it’s not a conversation you can ever have with these people.
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I know that but I try again and again. It’s like I just shouldn’t have any feelings. He can say and do as he pleases but take no accountability. After telling me he wants shot of me on (detail removed by Moderator) he acted like nothing had happened. No apology nothing to let me know he hasn’t meant it. He’s now playing loud music and singing. I’m so knotted up inside. He gets to me to the core. I don’t even know if I love him anymore. I hate this.
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Gosh we were with the same man. The loud music, singing or whistling was so intimidating. I get it, I tried and tried too but that’s my point – stop. He’s not listening and even worse, he’s enjoying your pain. I stayed for ‘love’, for the kids, for the ‘good times’ but I wish I hadn’t now. You’re his supply, as hard as it hurts, you can’t stay living with someone who is destroying you inside. His head fkery & mind games are all to destroy your confidence, make you silent and to comply. That’s no life. I found writing things down a huge help, I saw his patterns, read back his (now blatant) lies and the fog started to clear. It’s not you, it’s him. xx
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I know this only too well ive been told he wants a divorce because i dont give him sex when he wants it apparwntly its my duty as a wife. Then we have a day or two of silence then all of a sudden its all fine again no explanation no apology just forgotton. Almost like i made it up. Makes me doubt myself.
Its so hard and I too wont ever show emotion I never argue back or cry I just say ok. Theres no point he wont care they never care. My car is my place where i cry scream and sob. You need somewhere to let it out or it will fester and this is not good.
Keep talking on here knowing you arent alone helps. As for advise I dont have much tbh just keep strong keep fighting try and talk to someone you trust you dont have to suffer this alone there is and will be help out there but only when you are ready to seek it out. Baby step towards where you really wanna be sweetie x*x -
I am so sorry you are going through this. He decided to talk tonight. Yet again it was a lot of finger pointing. Not actually understanding my reasoning or showing any empathy. Then when I say some home truths he talks over me and ends the conversation saying it’s going to turn into a row. Aaaarrrrgggggh! Now he’s gone to bed. He hates me talking over him, shutting him down yet I’m having him do it to me over and over. I asked him he he had felt the need to apologise for saying he wants shot of me. He said no as he said it in anger. I asked him if at any stage did he not think that I might like to hear him say he didn’t mean it. No was his reply. It’s a losing battle. It’s all about him always.I listen to his incessant voice going on and on then get told he gets bored listening to me repeating myself. My god it’s all so toxic.Then he tells me that we can go to work and look at the pretty things. (detail removed by moderator) What! I hate his games. It’s a head f#$¥.
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Yes its a HF and thats why he is doing it. The more you argue the more you try and reason with him the harder he will lush.
Dont feed the beast.
This is what my counsellor tells me and when he starts i say it over and over again in my head. I let him rant and rage and shout and call me names and tell me we are getting divorced i say ok if thats how you feel. I stay calm and never agrue back. Oh believe me i wanna shout scream and lots more on the inside but I wont allow him that. He can take everything from me but I wont allow him the satisfaction of him seeing how much I hurt never will he see that. Its my secret weapon and im keeping it that way.
Maybe give it a go. Dont argue dont ask for an apology just stay calm nod agree even then when you are alone scream it out shout it out give yourself the power back dont allow him to see how much it hurts xxxx
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It’s so good to talk on here. Stops me going mad. So he started going on about my ex and I told him he has characteristics like him. With that he stopped the conversation told me he can’t talk to me and went to bed. He has been coming home from work and going straight to bed. All because he’s been slighted. Now I’ll be the bad one. What do I do now. Just keep quiet? Try to talk? I hate it
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Hi ladies Iread your posts and I say that me you are telling my story. My partner comes home from work and goes to bed. I just don’t know who I’m going to get Jekyll or Hyde. I have been so overwhelmed and now I feel like I’m in denail. I have forgot who I am and what to do. I’m just trying to keep calm. It is soul destroying. I forgot what I like to eat drink or where I like to go or watch. The loud singing whistling. The mimicking me calling me boss yes boss no boss anything else boss. Something on the car break a wiperblad and it what have you done now. Always makes horrible comment’s about my clothes. At what point do I tell myself I can’t fix this or can I. Love you all stay strong we are not alone.
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No sweetie you cant fix it as its on him not you.
As much as we want too as much as we try too we can never fix or change them thats not on us all we can do is try and fix ourselves learn how to find the strength the confidence the want to either leave or try and stay and live along side it all.
Stay safe x*x
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I feel for you. Mine goes to bed regularly after a rant and doesn’t speak for days then just starts talking as if all is ok.
I’ve tried many many times to break away from him but never find the strength to see it through, scared of hurting the kids and scared i suppose , been together since our teens and can’t see a life without him, though i dream about it
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Hi Lost lady, I feel your pain you are not alone. The feeling of shame and guilt is with me at the moment.why have I let it go on for so long why didn’t I see it for what it was. then the shame it not just me in this mess I’ve let him do it to my children too. I am looking at renting somewhere. I feel very scared that he is going to died out. My friend at work gave me a book it’s called brave enough by Cheryl strayed. Hello fear. Thank you for being here. You’re my indication that I’m doing what I need to do. Stay safe x*x
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