Need to get out :( so upset

[Freetobethegreatest]

Im sitting here in tears trying to get through to domestic helpline. Need someone to talk to
I hate him. (detail removed by Moderator) then i would be free. I need to leave but ive got two young kids no money no car no help its impossible
I know i could stay at a refuge but my kids whole worlds would be turned upside down theyve been through so much already and there so young so many moves. My dad is the guarantor on this place so how can I just leave?? He will refuse to move out wont pay rent and my dad will end up owing money. He will probably smash the place up and then my dad will be charged for that too. Its such a mess
Why cant he just leave????? Leave us in peace. I pray he will leave. Then me and my kids can be happy.

He says im the crazy one ive got mental problem which i havent. Im perfectly fine when he’s not around. After years and years of abuse who could Blame me anyway???

He’s a nasty selfish evil person
The whole world revolves around him. Its all mental abuse. Non stop. Im doing the (detail removed by Moderator) shopping online (detail removed by Moderator) after getting the kids to sleep. Im not giving him enough attention so im a c**t and im this and im that. Every name under the sun ive been called. But its all me isnt it. Im to Blame for everything
Im the nasty one. Im the crazy one. God i hate him so much ive never hated anyone as much as him and im stuck here living with him i feel sick even been around him im so grateful when he’s at work. Why did i ever ever get with him and have two kids with him 🙁

[Serenity]

Hi There,

Sorry you are going through such an awful time.

Do you have evidence- or can you give examples- of his abuse?

As well as calling Women’s Aid, it might be worthwhile calling the National Centre for Domestic Violence on 0800 970 2070, as they can give you advice about whether you might be entitled to protection, such as through an injunction or occupation order, meaning you will be allowed to stay in the home without him there.

They take into account mental, emotional, sexual and financial abuse, as well as physical. They were so kind to me.

Carry on reaching out for support. Outside support will help you get out of this situation.

You’re not alone. We all know where you’re coming from x

[Robin]

I’m so sorry to ready about what you’re going through and just really wanted to give you some support. As Serenity has said, you may be able to get an occupation order which will get him out of the property. Is his name on the tnenancy agreement? If it’s not you could change the locks whilst he’s at work.

There may also be local women’s aid centres near you that could give you support, some offer an outreach service where you coudld go and speak to smoeone.

Also, if you haven’t already it would be worth keeping a record of his behaviour. Just write down everyting you remember so far and how it made you feel – you could then use this to help get him out of the property or for divorce.

Please know that you’re not alone xx

[Confused123]

HI

I think as you have yopun gkids u could get an occupancy order to stay in house and have him removed , u need to state why u want him removed, i know its hard but police can actually remove him then u issue the occupation order, or apply first then have him removed

[Freetobethegreatest]

Hello

Thank you so much for the replies. Its nice to know im not alone. I always feel so lonely. The abuse helpline rang me back and actually mentioned the occupation order too. Ive never heard of this before so thanks it is really helpful. In an ideal world me and the kids would stay here because theyve moved house so many times already they havent had easy lives my son is finally settled into nursery. If it wasnt for them i would have left a long time ago but they always say to me we’re not leaving here are we we love this house. It would break my heart to turn their world upside down because of HIM.

Im not sure if we would be granted an occupation order because its all just mental not physical so i have no evidence as such. I need to start writing down what happens. I have alot of text messages from him calling me a pyscho, insane, vile, disgusting, c**t, b***h, etc text after text and then text after text apologising saying he’s sorry he wont do it again etc its crazy even looking through them not. I get about 10 texts in a row calling me every name and then 10 texts apologising like mad. This is my life. Im still in tears. Hes apologised again he’s gonna change etc heard it Sooo many times it gets boring. Im so upset hes ruined the day again. Every day he’s off work is awful. It should be a nice time with the kids but its much better when he’s at work. I can have a lovely time with the kids. I feel guilty as i havent spent time with my kids today as ive been in tears as he’s been treating and talking to me like s**t again. My poor kids having to listen to that. Why should he be able to affect my time with the kids??? Its not fair. I should have just ignored him like i usually do not let it get to me but today i couldnt help getting upset and crying. I dont normally i normally ignore it and just get on.

[Robin]

I know you’re saying its not physcial but the mental anguish caused is much worse so please don’t discount it.

Another thing you could do is to download a voice recorder app onto your phone so that when you know he’s likely to go off at you record him secretly. I have a view recordings of being called the C word and b***H etc. Even if you don’t use these recordings for anything formal they will at least tell you the truth when you’re doubting yourself.

[Serenity]

I agree with Robin, I would still go for the occupation order. Mental abuse is now against the law, and there is the risk of further, escalating violence.
x

[WalkerInTheRain]

Try persevering with the helplines. Alternatively, phone your local Women’s Aid service as ask if they have a drop in service.

Texts messages are fantastic evidence of his abuse. It might be worth trying to save copies of these somewhere safe. If it is safe to do so, write down dates of further incidents.
These will all build a picture of the abuse and will help solidify your case against him. Evidence puts you in a more favourable position at each stage of freeing yourself from an abuser.

[lover of no contact]

Just want to say you sound strong. And its good you are sick of him and his horrible treatment of you. And its great you can see he has the problem. All of our abusers have called us mad, insane, psycho, that their favourite mantra. Hold unto your hateful feelings of him. I knew I was starting to get better when I felt I hated him. Hate and anger can give us energy to leave. Channel the hate and anger into one small action every day with a view to leaving. You did that today, you posted, you got suggestions, you made the call to Women’s Aid. The main thing is not to become paralysed. Ignore him and his bad mouth. Don’t let his insults distract you from your plan to leave. Concentrate on your business and forget him and his immature ways.. concentrate on your plan for leaving. Read the posts every day on this Forum, you will maintain your resolve to leave and you will gain knowledge, ideas and suggestions. I and many of the ladies have been where you were. My diary entry read at the time before I got away from him’ I have huge hateful feelings for him and then I wrote out every name under the sun that he was. I felt better after that and it even made me laugh at how vile my language was about him (and that was from one (me) who would never curse). When I started to curse him in my head I was starting to get better and stronger.

Keep reaching out for support from us.

[Freetobethegreatest]

Thank you for the comments

Sadly he uses my phone so would notice a recording app.

Dont feel strong today. Nearly in tears again but not quite. I let him get to me yesterday and trying my hardest not to today but its hard. This is his second day of today and im exhausted!!! Thank god bes back to work tommorrow. Its crazy to think life is easier when im Alone with my 2 young kids than when he’s here. U would expect it to be easier with two of you around looking after the youngsters. But no its exhausted when he’s around!!! I feel drained. Tired, emotional, my head hurts.

Yesterday was awful and even though he hasnt directly done anything today as such he doesnt understand his behaviour yesterday Effects today as well. The kids are misbehaving which often happens when he’s around. But of course its my fault.

Anyway ive got lots to do as per usual just wanted to post as feeling low today and tired and emotional no strength today x

[Ayanna]

Yes, you need to get rid of him.

Call Rights of Women. They can give you legal advice about the situation with your flat. Shelter can also advise you with this.
You need to get a recording device. Amazon has recording devices that look like memory sticks. You can keep that in your pocket. If you cannot receive parcels at home, amazon can send it to a location of your choice where you pick it up within a given time frame.
Keep all his text messages.
When you have enough evidence report him to the police.
Ensure you get in contact with Women’s Aid. They will give you a support worker.
What about asking the owner of your flat for help? Clarify this with Shelter and Rights of Women before, because landlords have a duty of care. When you are in touch with Rights of Women and Shelter before and obtain the right legal advice they cannot escape. If they are stupid you can mention to them where you have the info from.
Emotional abuse is very well recognised and you should get support.

Keep posting here.
Post often.
Stay in touch.
You need a lot of support to get through this.
You are not alone.
We all have been through hell, some of us still go through hell.
We are here for you.

Fight!
Take what is yours!
Get rid of him!
Stay safe!
Do not let him know what you are doing!!!!

[Racoon]

Sending you a great big hug……

You are always one step closer to freedom. Please keep in touch with someone on the helpline whenever your able to access it.

There may be domestic violence drop in clinics at your local children’s centre. I recently found out my local one provides free legal advice too. There may be similar near you.

You may be able to arrange a meeting and get 1:1 support at your local children’s centre.

Health visitors/ family support workers and other professionals have been so helpful and supportive to me. You may wish to consider telling them about your situation. They helped me to escape.

If he is using your phone try and make sure you get back up copies of all his messages. One way of doing this may be to open a new random email account and send screen prints of all the messages to this random email account.
However, be careful don’t leave evidence that your screenshoting these messages and sending them on etc….

Is there anyone your able to tell who can photograph the messages from him on your phone?

Please stay safe. Abusers are likely to become more dangerous if they think you are planning to escape the relationship.

Stay in touch. Post whenever you can. People on here can provide you with so much support and are a wealth of advice, guidance and information.

Your not alone! Xx

[Author]

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